Worked local today and spent the rest with my 10yr S. We just went shopping and at lunch he asked about W. He called and asked if we could bring her lunch. She asked to speak to me. Asked if I would mind...took her order and we went to eat. She got hers an hour later. After lunch we quickly left, she works from home. She made a movie suggestion, we said no and did our own thing. As soon as we returned...W " where did you guys go, what did you do?" Gave the...hit a few stores and then went to chiropractor for missed appt......groceries. She did not follow up, but usually asks if I bought anything. Really trying to play it cool, but I rarely, if ever, any more ask her anything. Last time she went shopping and bought some things, but did not offer to show me her clothing finds. I did not ask. I do still, as I always have....complement her clothing, hair, thoughtfulness, kindness, etc. these days, I pick something every few days and make no big deal of it. Quick off the cuff compliments. Just barely doing some of the things she liked about me in the beginning, that I have always done. Trying to detach. She had her therapy last night. As she was leaving, I told her to have fun, as she did me last time...she smiled and said..."I'll try"
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Hi, I am sorry for the situation you are in. You mentioned you are scheduled to speak with a therapist. Is this as a couple? Please watch this video from Michele regarding When Couples Therapy is a Bad Idea
Are you speaking to a DB coach? They are experts in helping you decide what you should and should not say and what will bring her closer. I would be happy to give you more info.
Take care, Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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Cristy, I have watched all her utoob videos, then bought and read the books. Sandi2, I have taken stock and know what I want. I have set some goals with my therapist and met them, but do backslide at times. I journal, and DB is what I am currently trying to work.180's, while living at home, with my best friend(W) and two kids that know nothing. Juggling everyday things with this elephant in the room that only W and I can see.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Sandi2 also trying to make sure to follow the 37 rules.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
I am on moderation, so I will just post here as needed and try to check back. I really want to be part of this conversation without having to wait. Yes, patients....I know, but I need to be able to have this conversation without such long delays. I need advice and support. I can only read here at lunch and later at night while family is not around. As far as DR and DB books, I have had to resort to the same. I would love to be able to read whenever, but that is not happening.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
NewB - Hang in there. Moderation will pass....Patience is so hard for those of us going through this!
The only bit of advice that I have for you is to really be patient. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and getting to the end takes way, way longer than you want it to. If you had told me 8 months ago that I'd still be in this boat, I would have been horrified. Well...it's horrifying all right, but somehow my coping skills are getting better and I'm learning how to take care of myself.
That's the shift you really want to see...when you realize that you've started working on YOU and you're no longer focusing on seeing changes in your WAW.
Divorce Remedy changed my life. I'm serious. That book made SO MUCH SENSE to me and my situation. And since being able to read the whole thing and figure out how to use the techniques, my attitude towards me is changing. I'm taking care of me. H and I are no longer having the same conversations over and over again. (You know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.) And, I'm finally accepting that in MLC, there's nothing I can do to change his journey. Not. One. Thing. So I'm standing and watching. I have some boundaries that work for me. And if he changes, then I can re-evaluate my boundaries.
Hang in there...both on this board (which is awesome) and in your journey. And read the books! They really are game changers. Just keep in mind that the game is really, really long! LOL
MLP nailed it. There is nothing you can do to change the pace of their journey. Patience is hard for all of us. Be consistent, do your 180's. GAL and keep a PMA.
You'll get through this
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
