Kids and I got home from vacation late last night.
Kids and I had a great time, they were already talking about things to do next year. I'm so glad we went. Not once did they mention missing mom. It just did our relationships with each other a lot of good.
W was already asleep with sleeping pill, so never heard us unloading everything. I have no idea where W's head is.
She has just been without her kids for 2 and a half weeks for the first time ever.
There are no phone/text logs for OM for last 12 days.
She had an old friend of ours, (married woman), come and stay the weekend with her.
I was hoping there was an off chance there that she was clearing her head.
Unfortunately I see a couple of very long calls to a new guy - she's known him for a while, but of course, everything looks suspicious to me.
W came down this morning just before I left, said hello and asked how I liked the new curtains she put up in the family room. This is the first we've spoken since the cell phone email exchange. I had to leave for work.
New curtains? What is she thinking? I'm prepared to file for D and put the house up for sale, and she's buying curtains? Just more "cheer-me-up" shopping?
So in the letter I left her before vacation, I said we each had some big decisions to make, and I asked her to share her thoughts. Tonight, I'm going to ask her for those thoughts. I don't plan on saying a thing, just listening. Then I'll tell her that I'll have to think about that.
So in the letter I left her before vacation, I said we each had some big decisions to make, and I asked her to share her thoughts. Tonight, I'm going to ask her for those thoughts. I don't plan on saying a thing, just listening. Then I'll tell her that I'll have to think about that.
That sounds like a good plan, Zew. I'll be anxious to hear your report later about what she says!
I'm really glad you had such a great time with your kids. I will bet that they remember that little trip their entire lives.
Talked to W. Asked if she had questions about my position. She was nothing but sarcasm, about how sweet it was. She threw it all back at me as more of "my way or the highway"
I asked her what her position was. She didn't know. She is angry about me and past. She won't give it up.
Any time she dragged in the past, I owned it, then said let's focus on now and future.
W kept denying all A's; said she's not seeing anyone.
Asked whether I'd rescheduled MC, accused me of not doing it because I didn't want to R. I said it was a phone call away, as soon as she told me she wanted to move forward. Told her again I would rather spend money on therapy than lawyers.
Over and over, she told me how I felt, made me out to be a monster. Told me how good I had it, and how hard she tried. Again, I would pull back to present and say Yes, I own that, but what do we do now?
Anger, anger, anger.
So, I thanked her for her time, told her I had a good idea what her position was. Then I told her to take the curtains back, and not to spend any money on house.
So, it's 9 or 10 months in, and she's still in total denial.
I wouldn't bring it up any more, Zew. You asked for her intentions, and at this point you need to treat "I don't know" as "I'm not going to." Her current (wayward) state is the default position you need to go by.
Yes, unfortunately it sounded like BD all over again. She has made no personal progress in a year of individual therapy. (that I can see.)
Still takes no responsibility whatsoever for any of this, still can't let go of the past. I've had a few people tell me they dread her calls now, and one who just ignores them, because they are just so far out of reality.
She's still on about bank statements, and fuming about her cell phone, claiming some guy at the phone store said it was ok if I renewed the contract. (!)
Anyway, enough. I'll soon be 54. I would like to have a relationship with an adult, not a 16 year old and her game-playing friends.
I stopped by town hall this morning to get a certified copy of my marriage certificate.
