Had a a couple of doubts in the beginning, but you have proven to be a strong man in the face of a cold hearted, wayward wife. After you weather this battle, you should be able to take on most anything. I only wish the very best for you. You deserve it. FWIW, you have renewed my hope in some men of our population. I was getting pretty discouraged. Maybe you can have hope for a better W in the future, too.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
W's L just called my L to ask if we'd accept service via mail. So W has filed.
Now we have to wait for the mail to come to see what temporary orders W may have filed with this.
I'm glad she filed first. She gets to live with that, too.
I'm also relieved that the clock is now running.
Sandi, thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate your support, and I'm glad that I have renewed your hope in some men. I will come out of this ok, no doubt about it. The kids will be losers in this, but I'll protect them the best I can.
W, well, she's revealed a lot of negative traits in the last year, an inability to deal with anything in a rational way, and she's driven by resentment and vengeance, doesn't recognize that as her problem, and it's getting worse. I'm sure it's the makings for a treacherous D, but she's making it easy to walk away. I just hope to be clear of ground zero when she crashes.
Thanks for the two updates, Zew. It'll be good to finally get this behind you, I'm sure. Anyone who's still as fueled with resentment and entitlement as your wife still seems to be, I'll be anxious to see what she's asking for in the D papers. Should be interesting.
That's good! My wife and I were actually pretty AMICABLE by the time the D papers starting flying around, and yet she had a motion in there for me to temporarily leave the marital home completely. I hit the roof and she claimed "I didn't know that was in there -- my lawyer must have just put that in there" and also "I think you're supposed to just come back with stuff and then we compromise and such."
Starsky, I didn't realize you had gotten all the way into divorce territory. Somehow I had it in my mind that you'd gotten all that nailed a lot more quickly. That helps a lot to hear.
Thanks so much for all you do here. I read everything I see of yours, even when the situations don't seem to apply.
Hope you're soaking in your granddaughter for all she's worth and looking forward to the holidays. It can be hard for us kids to be away from the grandparents too.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Yeah, I filed for the big D about 60 days into my wife's affair (Summer 2007), when she showed absolutely zero remorse and zero signs of turning back, despite having been exposed. Although her affair ended just a month later, it took us two years of fits-and-start piecing to put Humpty back together again, and as late as mid-2009 we went as far as meeting with a divorce mediator to determine who-got-which holidays, etc. I think that final look into the scary abyss -- and what both we and our kids would be missing -- was the final straw that made us stop holding the D gun to each other's heads and once and for all decide to REALLY work on our marriage.
One 25th wedding anniversary and two granddaughters later, we are stronger than ever, I'm happy to say. But for awhile there, it was touch-and-go.
There is a closing banquet tonight for my D13's activity. My W has been on the board for the last several years, and this is her last year. It's where W met OM1 and OM2. They may well be there. Other board members are aware of at least A1 (which I believe to be active again, but I've dropped that rope). So that whole activity has some pretty negative connotations for me, being a part of how my whole M has blown apart. W asked me to come home early to be with S9 since she has to leave early to the banquet. i.e. I'm not invited.
W and I are barely speaking, and when we do she always wants to flee. She cannot be in the same room with me. But this morning I took her aside and told her that she will get applause tonight and that she should revel in that because it is well deserved, and that she had done an excellent job for the kids. And that I couldn't go, but if I were able, I would have been front and center doing the standing O when they introduced her, because of her selfless dedication to that activity.
For the last year, she has taken any praise I give her as insincere.
This morning, she said thank you twice, but was quick to be on her way.
W just texted to say that if S and I want to come, she'll have tickets for us at the door.
WTF, I'm sure she doesn't want me there.
If I go... - could run into OMx. Not a problem for me, they are not men. - get to show support for my D13. - get to show support for my W. Blows holes in her "you don't support me" theory, doesn't it. - don't have to make dinner for myself and son although, the food will be mediocre at best.
Tough call. Personally I think she's inviting you hoping that you DON'T go so she can then blame you for not being there, but I dunno. I would go with the "do what YOU want to do" standard advice.
I do think your yardstick should be what D13 would want however, not what you and your wife are going thru with the current "dance" you're on, that's for sure. Would your daughter be happy if you came?
Personally I think she's inviting you hoping that you DON'T go so she can then blame you for not being there.
I agree. It's hard not to figure that in.
Quote:
Would your daughter be happy if you came?
She'll be at a different table with her team of course, so we won't be together. She did express to me disappointment that I haven't been to any of her events this year. (W has always left early for the whole day, leaving me with S, his activities, and getting D13 ready to join W later in the day for her stuff) So yes, I think I would score points with D for making it to the final hurrah. S will want to leave as soon as he can, or when his batteries run out, so we can bow out early.
although, the food will be mediocre at best.