Everybody tells me that I would have no problem finding somebody to date. As a matter of fact in the last two years there were quite a few guys who wanted to date me. When I meet new single guys and talk with them, they immediately want to get to know me better.
Ok, so it's official. Bright is hot.
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I’m pretty content by myself. I feel very comfortable in this world. I am not afraid of challenges of everyday life. I can take care of myself.
This makes you even more hot. You can relax. You'll still be hot next year, and the years after that!
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I guess he really doesn’t want to be in contact with me anymore. I was reading GGG’s updated today where she said that her H followed her behavior. When she distanced herself, so did he. I wonder if this is what happened in my case too. I silently forwarded him his mail. And now he silently forwards me the e-mails. I never got a thank you for sending him his mail (that includes Playboy magazine BTW), so should I also stay silent and not mention the e-mail? I just don’t know anymore.
I think many long term DB'ers error on the side of not reaching out enough, basing this decision on the belief that their spouse will "miss them" and reach out first.
Hmmm... maybe sometimes this will work, but I figure we might as well try connecting in some manner, especially when we are well into our sitch and things aren't improving.
What do you have to lose? What are you afraid of?
Think of ways to reach out to H and see what happens. Take notes, adjust and repeat.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Listen to FY on the fact that you can take care of yourself and are independent being "hot". I was out at a meetup a while back and one of the women there was complaining that her BF broke up with her. She and her friends were saying that "Men just don't like strong, independent women". I heard them and looked the woman in the eye and said "No, boys don't like strong independent women, MEN do. I know I do.". I said it because I really meant it. I will say this, the women there started to pay much more attention to me after that . Of course, I'm no where near ready for a relationship yet.
Don't for a minute think you don't have much time left! Don't settle for less than what it is you want for YOU, from your H or anyone else you may end up meeting down the road. Sounds to me like any man would be lucky to have you a part of his life, your H is just too blinded by his own problems to see that!
I think many long term DB'ers error on the side of not reaching out enough, basing this decision on the belief that their spouse will "miss them" and reach out first.
Hmmmm depends on the Mlcer - my xh used to respond to any reaching out by initial friendliness then a big emotional punch in the gut. A sort of 'come closer and then I can hit you again'
FY your wife is a 'nice' MLCer, some of them become vicious. no other way of describing their behaviour.
Hmmmm depends on the Mlcer - my xh used to respond to any reaching out by initial friendliness then a big emotional punch in the gut. A sort of 'come closer and then I can hit you again'
FY your wife is a 'nice' MLCer, some of them become vicious. no other way of describing their behaviour.
Agreed. And I don't pretend to know Bright's H, or what would or wouldn't work with him. But I do know we all can try stuff and pay attention to the response.
Matt, I like that you set the women straight. Ok, not really my type but you're hot too.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY - I do agree about trying things. It is wonderful when DBing and reaching out brings the spouse back closer. But for those of us whose spouses remained 'out there' - well I know I was not alone in feeling like a terrible failure because my xh didn't respond. Wasn't I doing it 'right'
Now further on, I can see that it wasn't me, but there is a danger that those whose DBing is 'working' do not understand how desolate it is to be doing the same things and being pushed away.
I do not feel that way now - but I did and I believe that many others do. We rejoice when people rebuild, but for many people they do not give up on their spouses, their hope gradually dwindles away.
We DB for ourselves, but for most, there is hope at the outset
Even though I've been reading the DB books and posts here for 2 years now, I know I understand this stuff based on my own situation... I think we all do to some extent, especially in the beginning.
Then, someone comes along and explains a different perspective in a manner that really clicks for me. Thank you for teaching me something new today, B.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
i'm seconding bea's suggestion you just give yourself permission to take a step back and do nothing ornot much for awhile. we do demand so much of ourselves- we think we "should Know" - we should "do", etc.
it's a hard long process- and i wonder same thing as you - when he's nice, did i idealize him? do i now3? do I ro manticize him when he's away- then realize allover again when he's present and pleasant that he is/isn't the same old guy.
it's an insane proce4ss- i've been doing it for either three or four years- can hardly rememer - feels like a thousant. this morning tho- for a change - felt a feeling of "wellbeing" for awhile- despite not enough sleep. i think it does come - very very very slowly- return to "normalcy" - well, i'm hoping anyway- fingers crossed.
you're doing good- hang on - no easy fixes around unfortunately.
. Of course, I'm no where near ready for a relationship yet.