This was my thinking also. So I am making sure that home is more pleasant for her as well as clean. I have been on top of everything and made it as relaxing as I can. I keep fresh flowers in the room for her, and I try to go the extra mile. I act as gentlemanly as possible opening doors and try to let her see how much she means to me. We do go out alone a lot now and I try to find interesting things I think she would like. I don't push and always ask for her opinion when feasible. I still get a lot of I don't knows but she is slowly making suggestions. If I don't agree with something I make sure to talk it thorough so we can at least see each other's point of view. I know the romance will come later and I am still trying to come to terms with that but I count myself as lucky. She wants to be here I just have to help her see that she is needed.
As far as any medication she refuses to see or talk with anyone, belie me I have tried. I have tried to get her to talk about her problems with me, the kids, herself all with a resounding no so I am not pushing this.
W came home from her business trip and has not stopped talking yet. She seems very happy to be home. We are going to the gym together and she wants to do some shopping. We still are not talking about M but we are talking like we use to. She is talking a lot to the point where even if I leave the room she yells out things from the room. It's a rainy day here so we are going to play some games later with the kids.
I don't know what to do. I let her know if she needs to talk that I am here, I don't push. When she seems to get frustrated about something I work through it with her, I don't let her give up and tell her to take her time and we can work through the problem. This seems to be helping with issues with the kids. The house was clean and she seemed happy.
So W and I went to the gym this morning and worked out together. We then went to the mall and got there before the stores opened so she said let's go to Starbucks for coffee. We sat and talked while we drank coffee. Then she went to a few stores and brought some clothes. We left the mall and she suggested a place to eat. We had lunch and talked some more. We then went home and picked the kids up and took them to the pool. We sat next to each other and talked some more. We got home and I fixed dinner for the family and came upstairs and she suggested we order a movie. We have been talking to each other much more she leaves tomorrow after dinner and will be back Friday. I want to tell her not to go but I know that will not help. I miss her very much.
Talked with my mother and she was very helpful this morning. She told me to be patient and look around at what I see. Your wife takes a overnight bag to where she is staying but leaves all her things here. She still calls this place home and is here most of the time.
So she is packing to leave for her place and I am trying to not appear sad. I know I can't ask her to leave but it really hurts. She is talking to me the entire time she is packing and I keep up appearances but I want to ask her to stay. I have no clue what is going on she asked if I was going to the gym Wednesday and I told her no I have CrossFit in the morning so probably not. I just have to stay positive and keep things up until she is ready to talk. She wanted to know what we are doing this weekend and i asked if she wanted to go to a ball game which she loves. No expectations!
Gotan, I'm at a similar juncture in my sitch. I'm determined to turn this pain and confusion into progress and change.
Don't ask her to stay. She needs this from you as hard as it is. It seems contrary to everything you believe but this time she is away is good for you. Use it! Don't waste this pain. You are rocking things right now, just back off from showing her she's needed. Show her your changes by letting them radiate from within you. Don't talk R. Let her make that move. Keep working out and cross fit is a great way to get this stress out! PR in something tomorrow! You got this!
I find that being patient is turning out to be the hardest part of this journey. The self exploration, the work? Bring it! It's about time I did this kind of introspective work for me let alone for my relationships but patience? Man, that's a toughie! I'm trying to do a 180 on myself and look at this time as opportunity for more change, more time to make my emotional case to myself.
Thanks for the input, I didn't ask her to stay but drove her to her palace with an upbeat attitude. She was no talkative on the ride but I think she was just tired. I helped her take bags into her place and she said she would call and said thank you as I was walking out. She then said bye with a question inflection and I responded in same. Usually I would tell her that I love her but I have stopped saying it.
She called to say she would come over tomorrow because she left all her outfits here. She spent a hour ironing them and didn't carry anything to the car.
