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Gotan74 Offline OP
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I had a hard night that's why I am up. Wife came home and we got along fine took the kids out for dinner. When we came home I gave her space until I was ready to go to bed. In bed we ended up sleeping pretty close to each other until later that night she asked me to move over. She was the one that was moving closer to me what is she doing?


Me 40 W 40
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Gotan74 Offline OP
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So she called to finalize plans for the weekend it's clear that she wants to spend time with me and the boys. I asked her if she wanted to do things alone with the boys and she said no I want you to come. She said to me the other day when I said she was being cold that she didn't mean to but she was emotionally burned out. I am going to work on my R and myself day by day.


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Gotan74 Offline OP
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She called to see if I wanted to go to the gym with her and I met her down there. After we went to the mall and she did some shopping. We had dinner it was a good day she seems to be going back to her old self but I have to keep the changes I made in place one day at a time.


Me 40 W 40
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Get out of the house and do something man. You need to not always be there when she is. Go out and GAL, not just lose weight. Go find some fun things to do for yourself here. Read the post Cadet made on your thread and use it. You have not started to detach, its pretty evident from your posts. You are worried about her every move.

If she likes spending so much time with you, then maybe you should make your time a little more rare. If youre always around when she wants to see you then there is no reason why she would change anything. She can continue on this way forever with you running around like a lost puppy chasing after her.

Im not trying to be overly rude to you here, but you need to understand the situation that you are in right now as it really is.

What are your other 180s besides cleaning the house? What kind of complaints does she have about you that you have ignored? What is the sex life like? Give us some more info here.


M:33
W:30
T:10 M:2
B/D: 5/27/14
S: 5/28/14
Wife moved back in 7/18/14
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Gotan74 Offline OP
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The biggest changes have been including her in plans and decisions. I am spending time with her because it had gotten to the point we only went out once a month. You have to understand we have two sons who are active in a lot of sports. So during the weekends we had three to five games each day. I know she felt alone because we were out of the house when she was home.

I spend a lot of time with the kids and go out with friends and family. I don't call her and let her contact me. From what I have been reading I need to reconnect with her and she wants that. There were a lot of stressors in our house that have been taken care of. We needed a change and I think she did the only thing she thought would make a change one way or the other.

As far as our sex life it was pretty bad for awhile passive aggressive attitudes. Her biggest problem was the condition of the house which the boys and I have been on top of.


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So I see one of two things happening here. Either you get friendzoned by your W and you dont know it or you smother her and she leaves for good anyway. Either one is a death sentence for you.

I strongly suggest that you read DR and start applying it to your situation. If you insist on doing it "your" way here, at least read 5LL if you havent already. Very valuable info in that book for people that still have physical contact with their spouse. Best of luck to you either way.


M:33
W:30
T:10 M:2
B/D: 5/27/14
S: 5/28/14
Wife moved back in 7/18/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 188
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Gotan74 Offline OP
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Still working my way through DB and DR don't know 5LL. I have made it known to her that just being friends is not an option also.


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I have made it known to her that just being friends is not an option also

Good I completely agree with that too. There should be no misunderstanding as to what you want from her.

5LL= The Five Love Languages.

Last edited by Ben2010; 07/18/14 02:28 AM.

M:33
W:30
T:10 M:2
B/D: 5/27/14
S: 5/28/14
Wife moved back in 7/18/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 188
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Gotan74 Offline OP
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Thanks Ben I have told her that I love her and that I want to make her happy. She said let's work on being friends again and I told her that being her friend is fine only if we are a married couple. She said ok and I told her that if she ever wanted me to stop all she has to do is say so.


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All good, but leave out that talk about I love you and want to make you happy. That all comes off as pursuing and desperate. You really cant give in to everything she wants. I dunno how I feel about the friend thing if youre a married couple either. I would have worded that differently. You have right idea, but dont let her control everything. You dont need to control her, but that makes it sound like you will do whatever she wants as long as you all are married.

She said ok and I told her that if she ever wanted me to stop all she has to do is say so

This I would not have said at all either. I would have told her "I would like to work on the R with you, I understand that it will take some time". Dont throw the negatives in there at all.


M:33
W:30
T:10 M:2
B/D: 5/27/14
S: 5/28/14
Wife moved back in 7/18/14
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