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Please anyone who can help. My wife of 20 years has decided to leave me and our four boys. She called and said that she has panic attacks on the way home and needed to leave. After doing all of the wrong things like beg and trying to make her reconsider I helped her find a place to stay. We had problems with my mother overstaying her welcome and the house being clean with four boys and a dog, and the dog. I put all my efforts into fixing these things and she then told me that she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. So I started to work on myself and improve the house and the kids. She then agreed to come home and stay four out of seven days of the weeks she says for the kids. We now spend more time together then when she was in the house all the time. After talking to her one day she said she felt alone again. I put a lot of time into the kids and their activities and she was left home alone a lot and unable to do what she wanted to do. It has been a little over a month and she will still not talk about us but we go out on dates “which I can not call dates” regularly and she enjoyed herself. Due to her behavior I did something that I am not proud of and went through her phone to see if it was someone else which there is not but I did find some disturbing texts where she is untruthful with friends about the things she is doing while at home. The lies seem unnecessary and a little crazy to me. I have prayed to God for guidance and all I can think of is to keep showing my wife that things have changed and that she is the most important woman in the world to me.


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Gotan74 Offline OP
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The actual separation has been going on for about a month. I know the things that I did wrong that have hurt her was to discount her feelings on the things going on in our life. She works full time and I left my job when we had our third child. She is a women in a house surrounded by five different versions of me. The kids are very active in sports and I think she feels that I pushed her aside for them. I have cut back on the kids activities so we can spend more time as a family together . I have asked her if she wanted to spend time alone with the kids and at first she said that she wanted to have the kids on some days and for me to have them some days. She has never done this but has asked me to go out with them. One of the reasons she said she needed to move was she need here on place that she could keep clean the way she wanted and peaceful surroundings.
As far as the lies as I said I looked through her phone and read her messages. I have never done this before because I trusted her but this behavior came out of nowhere so I thought it maybe someone else. She has friends at her job who she confides in and she has been omitting me from what she does on her off days, things that she does with the kids ie. she lied about going to a pool party with them, and her status for moving her things out. She still has most of her things here. The thing is she talks about doing things I the house like decorticating and painting.
One of the things that suffered was our communication skills we just stopped talking and trying to understand each other. So I told her that I would be as honest as possible with her. The problem is that the only things I can get from her are ok and I understand. I have no clue what she is thinking, I asked her yesterday was I making her happy and she said she didn't understand the question and then changed the subject.
When she is at home we now spend more time together then when she was here full time. I told her that I wanted to build a new better relationship with her and to find out who she is now. I got ok and I understand and I don't want to date you or anybody right now. She said that she would be open to us trying to be friends again like we use to be because she is my best friend. So we go out, I take her to places we have never been to before an she smiles and laughs and we have fun.
I have also been working on touching her again which is hard because she does not like contact. I would be really hurt bug it's the same with the kids. So I treat her like a lady and place my hand on her back and steal touches on her arms and legs.for the most part it's fine until she realizes that she is being touched.
So to sum it up since she left the house stays in immaculate condition. I try to include her in as many decisions as I can. I don't tell her every second that I love her but I do tell her once a day and she responds that she loves me too. Robert I think it's working but I have no clue, it's an uphill battle but I can't give up on her or our family.


Me 40 W 40
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Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


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Gotan74 Offline OP
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Thanks that's what I have been doing. I lost about 25 pounds and I feel great physically. I had to start taking sleep aids when she is not home or I start going crazy thinking about what to do. She said she wants her space but she is home more than she is not and always wants to spend time with me. I am just taking it one day at a time.


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I don't call her but she calls me to talk. She seems extra happy to here my voice I keep the calls short and say goodbye first.


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My mom called and talked to me. She said she talked to my wife and she said she still loved me and enjoyed spending time with me. She also told her that the earliest she could see moving back home was the second week in the new school year. That would be September , she also said that something's have to change.she called and wanted to know our plans for the weekend. She travels for work so she stayed at home went to Philly and will come back home and leave for London. So we as a family are going to an Art Festival Friday and her and I are going on a brewery tour. When I Tolbert about the tour she said she was happy to go. What kind of separation is the kind where she is only gone two to three days and she does nothing while gone.is she playing some kind of game?


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So I tran into a few of her friends and they asked how I was doing. I told them I was doing fine and the things I had started doing. They then started to tell me the things my W told them she was doing and when which confused me because she was with me when she did those things. I don't understand the lies.


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I think I have finally started to detach. I have been working on it for a few weeks I don't call W anymore. She still wants to come over she said to spend time with the kids but asked what we were going to do this weekend.


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Just read DB and DR so now I know why she is lying to her friends. Does anybody think she put herself into a box thinking I would react one way and did the complete opposite? She clearly enjoys being at home, does she have some timetable in her head?


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So my W is home until Sunday how should I behave? She acts the same except when it comes to being my wife.


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