Wifes severe depression, MLC, and suicide attempt

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks GB

I am totally frustrated today. I contacted the coparent counselor wee were supposed to see by the court order. My wife has not bothered to contact them at all and they cannot move forward until she contacts them. I have had to let my attorney know. Basically he will contact her lawyer. If there is no action she may have to go to court and face contempt charges. I cannot tell you how I am at a loss on what to do.

[Georgiabelle]

Life,

Is your 18 yr old finished with hs? If so, is she in college? How does she sen with the news? The boyfriend's parents may have a fantasy version of becoming grandparents and a romanticized view of this. I did see much of that when I was pregnant with my own kids. The reason I ask is that I saw this entire thing with my niece play out on social media. I figured it out long before she told her parents. The forums people use to air their stuff. I do it here although I'm pretty gosh darn private IRL.


I know it's not really solace, your D did come to you. Clearly your W is still in a difficult place because she said she felt like people are blaming her. This issue is heavily impacting the life of your D and your W needs to try to at least recognize that.

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks GB,

My daughter was supposed to start college in spring semester at a college she chose. She would have started already if not for my wifes problems.I do feel his parents want the grandkid as I feel they think my daughter is a good influence on their wayward son. I think they will put a lot of pressure on him and her and I expect the outcome to be a tough road for my daughter. I did have a talk with his mother today. I was blunt with her and told her that I did not have any money nor does my wife. I indirectly told her that they will have to foot all of it since we do not have any. I told her I would be there for my daughter as much as I could, but not financially.

My daughter came to me, but I think it was because his parents forced them and came along. Right now my daughter is running scared. She and boyfriend hid out at my wife's apartment today. I expect they will take the path of least resistance and move in with his folks. I expect that will not be a happy situation in the long run and that my daughter will have to learn this lesson in a very hard way.

[Georgiabelle]

Life,

I think your candor with the parents was commendable. I also wanted to clarify that I wasn't insinuating this was your W's fault (I speed type on my phone) . I was trying to say your D being pregnant was the issue at hand and hopefully your W can recognize that.

Your D is in a tough spot. I know I don't have to remind you of that. Love her and remind her that she can talk to you. And she will learn so many things in a short period of time.

My niece is in college now. It did take her almost 3 years to finish a year and a half of hs. She is supported financially and does seem to be on the right track. I don't mean to hijack-just wanted to let you know that a challenging situation can turn into a better sitch.

Hang in there !

[Lifes Twists]

What gets me right now is how wife does things that she she let me know about but doesn't. Today I got a call from youngest daughter's counselor. She asks me whats up, what are we concerned about. I am like what? Huh? She says your wife has left several messages that she is concerned about daughter. I told her that I am not sure what wife is concerned about since she does not tell me anything. She then suggested we all get together. So I sent email to wife about it. I also asked that she try and let me know in future so that I will know and I will do the same. How do you get through to them when it comes to the kids? I feel like waving my arms over my head, jumping up and down, and shouting, "hey, Over Here, You know, The other person who made these kids possible." It is amazing how they can act as if you never existed.

[ericmsant2]

Life

How do you get through to them when it comes to the kids?

The quick answer is... YOU don't.

You cannot make your W see, feel, hear anything that she does not want to. Be it mental illness or not.

I have skimmed your threads and noticed that your wife appears to be ill. That has got to be tough.

All I can tell you is to do what is right by your kids. Most will not understand the R between you and your wife. They will not understand how "mom" could do this or not do that.

If you W is not willing to get the help she needs then you will need to get used to having to deal with her as she is today.

It has been several years for me and XW and I still do not have anything resembling a co-parenting R. My hope and prayer for you is that the two of you can get to that point. All you can do right now...is take care of the kids and let her go.

God Bless,
Eric

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks Eric,

It must be tough after two years to not have co parenting with your ex. How do you even do it?

Yes my wife is ill. Between her depression and recent suicide attempt I would be hard pressed to frame it in any fashion. Her illness causes many issues that I am not sure she can control. Some of her decisions may end up putting her in contempt of court. I wish I could step in, but know I cannot. I have no choice but to accept this and move on with my life without her. I wish her the best, but will move on and go forward without her. I have hope she will make an effort in the court ordered co parent counseling and that it will help.

[Lifes Twists]

So I had a mostly good weekend.

On Friday my youngest forgot something she needed before going to her moms for the weekend. My wife brought her back to get it. I stepped out to say hello and see how my middle daughter is doing. My wife seemed truly unhappy. I presented to her as upbeat. I talked only about the kids. I cannot worry about her being unhappy. She has to live with her decisions.

Saturdays are now becoming my day. With the visitation change I now have Saturdays to myself. I went to a show on the other side of the state and caught up with some people I have not seen in quite a while. I also met some new people. While going there I came upon a huge black bear running down the road. I have never seen one where I have lived for most of my life. This year I have seen two already.

On Sunday my oldest called from college. She was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. We talked for about an hour. I am thrilled that my relationship with my oldest is getting better all the time. In the past couple weeks we have had some of the longest conversations that I can remember.

My middle daughter is a lot more like my wife than I thought. I have found that she shuts down when things get to tough to handle. Right now she has shut down and won't talk to anyone. Unfortunately she has chosen to hide out at my wifes place so I can't try except to text her that I am here for her.

I spent time with my youngest on Sunday as well. She is 15 now. I take her like I did with my other two out on dirt roads and back roads driving. It is a big confidence builder for her. It is also very important that I treat her as equally as I treated her sisters.

I also started taking steps to form my own business. I will continue to look and be open to getting a job. Even if I get a job I will continue with my own plans. I want to be self supportive and no longer rely on someone else deciding if they want to pay me or not. I have made hundreds of millions of dollars for others. I have multiple patents that I make zero from. Much like trying to save my marriage,I know this will be a marathon. I want to do this for myself now and not for others.

[Lifes Twists]

I need help from the Ladies. This may even be a subject that has not been discussed here before.

I have found out that my wife, due to her own issues, did not do a good job handling certain things with our daughters in areas the daughters would be embarrassed having their fathers deal with. I need help in approaching my youngest daughter concerning disposal of feminine products. being that this is a subject most men don't deal with, I am at loss on how to.

Ladies can you help?

[Georgiabelle]

LT,

I discuss EVERYTHING with my little peeps and boy do we cover an array of topics. Is your youngest D close to her sisters? I only ask because I wonder if they ever discuss this.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding the exact question but if it is just *disposal* of feminine products. You could say "d, you can wrap the pad in the wrapper or some toilet tissue and place in the garbage can." If it's a tampon, those should be flushable. I apologize is anyone is offended by this-it is what it is.

Is there a more specific question or is that it? Can I make a suggestion? I'm sure this isn't the most relaxing or comfortable conversation to have... However, I think if you approach her from a relaxed manner and discuss disposal with her (just like you would say to throw away you sandwich wrapper)!she will feel as relaxed as a young teen can with her Dad on this topic.