Wifes severe depression, MLC, and suicide attempt

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Everyone. I have been over on the Newcomers forum for about a year now. Realizing my situation seemed more extreme tham most there I looke at other forums. reading the MLC forum I found a lot of the craziness I am dealing with in other stories here.

My wife has suffered from depression most of her life. During the winter of 2013 I was very ill and put on a strong dose of prednisone.I had a strong negative reaction on it and ended up with police and a stay in hospital to allow it to leave my system.

My wife had been having issues and signs I should have seen. unfortunately she chose to move out and take my three daughters with her. I was served papers as soon as I got out of hospital.

Since then much craziness has ensued. Multiple calls to the police. attempt to get restraining order. She ran out of money for divorce. Started running around and leaving kids for long periods of time without returning their calls.

I suspect that her depression combined with a mid life crisis was too much. She was not equipped to emotionally handle three teen girls by herself. Needless to say it came to a head and she walked out one night and tried to kill herself towards the end of April 2014.

Since then I have moved the girls back in with me. My wife has restarted the divorce. We had a little contact after she got out of hospital, but that has stopped.

At this point I am not attempting to make any contact for the last couple weeks. My girls are worried about their mom. She has expressed that she does not know what to do with her time when they are not there. My oldest has expressed concern that her mother won't be around by the time she is 25.

Thats a quick summation of my story. I will try to link to my last thread on the newcomers forum:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2465210&page=1

[BrightFuture]

Lifes Twists, welcome to MLC forum. Wow, I’ve just read your last thread on newcomers. You have some challenges thrown out at you… I’m impressed with how you’ve been handling the whole situation and with your spirit. And I admire your compassion for your wife.

I didn’t read your earlier threads, so sorry if I’m asking something you’ve already posted. I understand that your W’s family is pushing for D. Why are they doing it? Do they have issues with you or your marriage?

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Bright,

I believe there are a few reasons my wifes family are pushing for the D. Alcoholism and depression run in their family, though they don't want to admit it. They would rather run away from it and look the other way than deal with it. I never saw my mother in law without a drink in her hand in twenty years. She used to come with her own premixed drinks whenever she visited. My father in law is a tyrant and does not like anyone who disagrees with him and stands their ground. This will be the third divorce among 5 siblings. 1 older sister and one younger brother already divorced. 1 younger sister supposedly had a bad experience with a man and has determined all men are stalkers and has never married. This will leave the oldest sister the only sibling still married. I find this amazing given how catholic my wife family is. I guess you could say her family just has issues.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi all,

Been a reasonably quiet, but good period. I have been spending time with my daughters. We went to the beach these past two days. I have heard nothing from the W. I did hear from my attorney that the W surprisingly agreed to most of the draft parenting plan. I am waiting to see what she does not agree to. We are at almost three months since her attempted suicide. Right now, every day that goes by without a call or the police showing up is good. I worry a bit about having to deal with bad news and telling my daughters. My daughters told me my wife is thinking about quitting her job and moving closer to an older sister in North Carolina. This would put her farther away from our daughters and the responsibility that comes with having them.

I have taken this break from working to figure things out. I feel like life is telling me it is time to change direction and seek out a new life for myself. I am very tired from all that has happened in the last year and a half. I want to find a more full filling direction for my life. I am starting a bucket list with some real goals just for me. One of my goals is to develop a means of income that does not rely on working for someone else. I want to be able to buy a house on the beach and work from my home. I still want to be able to get my girls through college. I want to be able to travel as well and take my income source with me. This will be a big change for me to be dependent solely on myself and no one else for my living.

[kml]

Focusing on yourself and making a good life for you and your daughters is a good plan. You'll be in a better place regardless of what happens with your wife.
Check out the mrmoneymustache website, I think it will give you some food for thought re: your financial stuff.

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks kml,

I will definitely look at that website.

Today I am looking into finding a new counselor. I have a nice counselor right now, but she is the typical type that listens to you, validates what you are saying and makes a few suggestions. I don't need to keep rehashing the past. I need a counselor that is more solutions based, looking at specific issues and working on solutions. I feel that if I continue going to my present counselor, it will just reinforce a trap I think many of us fall into which is procrastinating.

[nero]

hey hi and yikes!

i haven't read your old threads- just blipped into this one. You sure have had the " challenges" heaped on in the past few years.

i cannot imagine. i don't know what prednisone is or does- if you've managed to come out the other side of that sitch- whatever it is - good for you.

i have an h of 38 yrs who says he's been unhappy for 10 years (never mention4ed it before tho ) he has a ow or 2 (i discovered) - he just lied and lied to keep me around - he says stay in his life because I "mean a great deal"to him(??) he says it'll be easier for me financially (true but ???) - he keeps ow around - i hate it- i was "destroyed" - am much better now (3 yrs later ithink) - he goes back & forth to fla & nj - i'm here in nj mostly- go to fla for a month now or then- it's wierd and getting mighty "old"- i'm still tryin to db - but losing hope really. i can see & appreciate the good life(style) i've got- i hate this disconnect in r.

ta da- screwed up life in a nutshell pretty much -

I was just calling self queen of procrastination other day- so welcome to My club. i'm not proud of it- just another little fly in my ointment here. never claimed to be perfect (really nice & allotta fun sometimes) but not perfect.\ i always think perhaps - if i find out tomorrow i'm dying- i'll be very glad i did the pleasant activity rather than the chore with my last day. it's goofy i know- workin on that... (in light of last bunch of years tho - i'm glad i was immersed in enjoying what i thought ws my life before i found out it may have all been a sham forever - or before it blew to he!! as it did. (or h blew to he!!) who is that guy anyway???

I wish i had your gung-ho attitude. i do not believe for one minute i could support myself, kids, life with anyting i can "do" for a job. wierd thought - isn't it? that if someone showed up tomorrow and demanded $200,000 for my life- i could not come up with it? there is nothing about me worth that sort of money.

i never viewed self in terms of cold hard cash- humbling. tho, if he would take credit- i could do it "in the end".

you've got some big big goals set for yourself. i'd scare myself into inactivity with huge undertakings like that. .

I have trouble finding even small ones - aside from "feel even" again. my needs are soooo simple- you'd think they were giant mountains if you listened to me. i'm nto sure what to think . this mlc is insanity for sure it may be contageous because i feelnuts alot of the time.

i've at least come to agree that it's h's own issues that plunged him into "here" (wherever that is) and i cannot "fix" him. it's hard as heck to be on other side of it- wondering all the time- about someone , some r that made up your entire life. oh well huh?

The junk in your wife's family- the alcohol, the divorce- my family is (i thought) normal as apple pie- i see it all in our family too - five daughters - every one divorced - me in a r for going on 40 yrs., yet now have this mlc crappola going on with h. idk- i'm thinking it's everywhere in every family in our society maybe.

perhaps some hide it better- keep it in the dark - idk - it is a worry, what will pop out due to one's genes.

I can never figure for sure whether it is nature or nurture - how we all turn out.

i guess i just stopped by tyo say you sound very positive, result oriented and yay you.

it can't be a bad thing. taking charge.

i am more like "quietly think you are at least OKAY with who you are and what your strong & weak points are - and know i will survive this and do okay taking care of self in life - IF I HAVE TO" (only then) alone only if forced to be.

i'm more detached than in beginning and everyone is rite - it's key and it's a better mind-set. i'm still not totally neutral and detached. workin on that - one day up- one day down- still striving, but hanging in there i guess. (now that i say it)

oh y eah- procrastination- it's a bummer to break that habit- i am tormented by the notion of "going off half cocked" . last five or so years I see all around me the fallout and destruction of people who just "do it" - "say it" and let the chips fall where they may. it didn't make anyone happy- caused pain to others and leaves everyone EVERYONE (my family) a mess and unhappy and at odds. if i ever hear one more person say "i'm just being honest" before they flay someone alive- i'll scream. yeah- great "reason" - what a joke. (oh well- procrastination in sense of walking out of this r).

i've got it across board- see, i should be cleaning house up rite now and what the heck am i doing? talking to you -

i fear that really- sayin or doing things that can never be taken back. it's a real "broadening" thing with me- reining self in and NOT sayin it - not walking out - not jumping up and down.

am i better person for it- probably. has it been the worst five years or so of my entire life- you betcha.

work in progress huh? hang on- i'm thinking in the end we all make it thru to the other side- wherever tht is...

xxo

[Cadet]

Welcome to the MLC board.

You have been around enough that you may have seen my welcome post here with the homework.
Hopefully you have already done it, if you need me to re-post it I will be glad to do so.

Keep focusing on YOU.

Keep posting.

[Matt165]

Hi nero,
The "just being honest" thing rings so true! My W told me that the reason that she bombed me ("I want a D and I don't want to even try", ILYBINILWY, etc.) was because I asked her what was wrong as she was being so cold. She actually said "I wouldn't have said anything but you asked and I HAD to be honest"! What a load of crap! So, her "honesty" lead to "I NEVER loved you, not even the day we got married", I never "really' loved you, I can't "trust" you" (but can't tell me why or about what), the list goes on. How can they really believe that the lies they tell themselves are somehow being "honest"? How about being "honest" with themselves about all the hurt and pain they are causing so many because of their selfishness?

You can do this nero. You question your abilities too much at times as I see a really good, capable person in you! Try to remember that the person who is bringing you down is someone who can have more than one OW after 40 years with you. That he has no values if he can do that and think there is ANY justification for it! You are a good and valuable person, nero. You can be happy and deserve to be!

[Lifes Twists]

So today is my wifes birthday. In april before her suicide attempt she sent me a happy bday text. In the past she did not pay much attention to bdays for me so the text was a change for her. Since the attempt we have had no contact. Should I send her a happy bday text or would she view it as persueing?