Perhaps I could have MLC and StubbornDyke vouch for me - they both have met me. I'd be glad to give references if that helps.
Of course I love my D.
I looked up how teenagers relate to their parents during divorce. It said dads should be flexible and that the mom was often closer to the child than the dad. I realize this is not always so, but that is what I found. NO, I am not using this as an excuse - rather it reassured me that W and d16 being close could be good.
I took my d to work this morning, asked how she was when she came home, am planning two trips with her. I have invited her to movies, to go shopping, to go hiking, to just do stuff, but no cigar. I told her I love her a few days ago, call her "love" or "sweetie" or "my darling". I read books to her as a kid, encourage her violin playing, rub her feet sometimes.
Yes, I work a lot, but that seems a chicken and egg problem, do I work because people aren't with me or vice versa? My job has me working in the evenings here (because of time change).
I sent picture and jokes and short messages to my d16 when I was out of the country, as recommended here. I went to counseling. I have been told that people like me. I speak to strangers in lines, invited two people I heard speaking English into our garden and gave them a tour, complimented a tourist I heard speaking Danish because I liked hearing it.
Your counterproposal would be that I go on the regular (3 week) trip and then come back? The house would be empty weekdays except for me and the two cats. Should I find that shared office space now? I do get pretty ground down by being alone so much, lost in my bloody head, and then get to work evenings too.
At least the job pays well and is interesting, but has the above downsides.
So I am more than willing to give D time. I offer, but she refuses. She could come out and hang in the garden while I water, but no cigar.
I told D I wanted to see her on Wednesday evenings, a daughter-dad date.
I offer, but she turns me down. What else can I do? I am easy with W seeing more of d16 if they are closer - I want the best for her.
No, I am giving myself some social interaction during my workday. I would not see my d16 anyway with this new arrangement - except so far for possibly the Wednesday evening thing - during the week. We would skype or call either way the other days.
Alternative is to get a job here in Sweden. Half the pay, and I didn't like my last job here much.
Just to make it clear - I have little social connection here during the day - no one else in my little one person office - I take daily shopping walks to town to just see people and exchange a few words, have worked at the library sometimes just to be around others. I like being around people -
The girls are painting together now. W often sleeps in d16s' room, they share clothing, d16 confides in W.
What more can I do than ask d16 to do stuff with me? Not for my sake, but for our R!
adinva - I didn't answer your questions. My dad was controlling, would get white angry sometimes - I remember breaking a Rolling Stones record because he was so angry. He was a patriarch, bound to his work (and still is, at 85). But, he also took us skiing every year, hiking, bought a summer house we had fun at. He sent me poetry and life advice.
There is a saying in German that you have time for what you love. I offer my daughter my time, but she doesn't take it.
She, s20 and I used to go rail bicycling here - a fun day or weekend trip. We'd tent nearby, go swimming, eat camping food... My W would generally not go with us.
I don;t have the romance or charm or attractiveness my W does. I am not as self-assured or ambitious or artistically creative as my W. I wish you could meet me and experience my situation first hand, but I know that ain't the rules here.
No one disputes that. It's just that you don't know how to interact with her and put yourself down as being "unworthy" of her attention compared to your W.
"I told D I wanted to see her on Wednesday evenings, a daughter-dad date. "
Don't tell her it's a "date". She's a teenager. She's going to get weirded out by that.
"I offer, but she turns me down. What else can I do?"
Just tell her that you're free on a specific day and would like to take her out. You don't need to have any definite plans.
"I am easy with W seeing more of d16 if they are closer - I want the best for her. "
Stop putting yourself down. What's best for her is to have a relationship with you too.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks - yes, I see that it can be interpreted differently. I am trying to be easier with d16, ask how her work day was, what her plans are, how she is. I can see that a "date" with dad is weird.
A lighter conversational touch and flowing communication are my goals just now -
Is this a German word......(my auto correct speller won't let me type it). G a l c h e r maybe G a l s h e r? Maybe you can help me. I grandfather called me that got a pet name. I think it it is suppose to mean little girl, daughter or granddaughter. I don't know how to spell it but it would mean a lot if I knew the correct meaning and spelling.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Could it be "Tochter"? This means daughter or young lady of the house. This might have been what your grandfather meant. I do not speak German, I just got lucky with a German-English dictionary.
Tochter is the direct translation of daughter (actually the same word long ago). I can't think of a German word that sounds like gouger - any other clues?
Just got back from a week long business trip, where my boss was also present, so offline. I saw that W was at Ikea getting stuff for the new place. She still hasn't told me about it.
Also, I asked d16 if she still wanted to go to Japan, and she said to ask W - I don't want to ask permission though, and so wonder how to do this?
Reading a book about getting past a breakup - helpful. I can see that a rebound R would not be good, though it has been a long time since.
