Okay, I'm being blamed in a text barrage by my W right now for all kinds of ridiculous things. She's ranting because the kids are misbehaving after she let them watch tv for hours today. I'm not going to argue, because it's pointless, but it's ridiculous to see what I'm being blamed for right now. Not going to respond......
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I think she is very scared that nothing would be different if she came back
My W says that all the time: "I don't trust you that you won't slip back into your old patterns if I come back. I don't want to waste another 10 years of my life..." There's no arguing, convincing, or reasoning that can counter that one. The only thing is honest talk about how I see my patterns of behaviour that lead to the degradation of our marriage and that by having finally identified them that I can consciously avoid them, which I've done with some success on two occasions in the past week or so. But for the most part I think just maintaining the new consciousness and continuing self-improvement is the only way to show consistency of my changes and growth. And continuing with the detachment. Dev, I think you are doing really well. Yes, I'd be careful about her joining you on vacation. I would think that unless she makes a firm commitment to start reconciliation, with the confirmation that the A is over forever and the OM is out of her life completely, then it's best for her not to come along. Even if she made that commitment it may even be too early to plunge into a family vacation together. She would still be having withdrawals. Nonetheless, I know I would have a hard time resisting the opportunity. It would take a lot of will power. Listen to Sandi.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Thanks for checking in. It's been a busy weekend with kids activities, and it's been interesting to say the least. The barrage of last Friday when my W was spewing all kinds of venom passed. I have not pursued in any way, and she seems to be texting more, and really warming up around me. She had the kids both Friday and Saturday evenings, as I was out GAL. Both days there was a bit of family time where we were all at my S8's tournament.
So my W also said when I picked up kids Saturday morning, love you guys. I know it was probably directed at the kids, or just said out of habit. But it did affect me a little bit. I've been doing my best to keep a real even keel. Complete PMA, which is actually getting easier because in some ways I am happy.
My W suggested getting together for lunch or some exercise on Thursday. I'm not sure what she is planning on discussing, but I'm going to let her lead, before I show any of my cards at all. With respect to A, I'm not sure what's going on. No communication through the windows I have, but I'm sure it's going on. It's just really changed. I feel it. My W is laughing at some jokes and comments I have made. I'm not going to get ahead of myself in any way. But it feels positive.
My big challenge is still to determine what is going on with the OM. I won't be going on this trip vacation with her. I could use the help, but I think the time away is good for both of us. Two weeks apart will neither destroy or create a M or R. Tempting as it is, I don't want to be used.
I'm proud of the even keel I'm keeping and the direction that everything is going seems very positive in several ways. Time will tell. Patience, patience, patience....
It looks like she is once again planning time away. Not sure if with OM or not. She texted me to meet tomorrow night or Thursday AM. I have asked her for an agenda of what we will be discussing. She has said some "not fun things are being discussed ". Which I assume is another nail in the coffin. Hope she sends that agenda so I may prepare myself. A bit nervous and anxious now.
Did a ton of exercise this AM, and that really helps. Will have to burn some more energy off tonight. Fun times. So much for my even keel
". Which I assume is another nail in the coffin. Hope she sends that agenda so I may prepare myself. A bit nervous and anxious now. 