First post, confused

[asat82]

So I'm still thinking about her, she also mentioned on the phone on monday that she wanted to wait another week to change the car insurance plans. I told her I was just planning on changing it when I move back into the house in August. I love being at the house much more that where I am now, and feel so much happier there, and am able to do things that are close by. I am trying to take care of myself now, but looking forward to my trip to Germany and then moving back to the house.

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but wonder if she will stay at the house for a bit when I move back, or if she will already have a place. From a mutual friend, she is still going out and doing things she has told me she doesn't enjoy doing. I don't know if she just needs to go through this phase, as she didnt go through it in her earlier years. I just hope that my detachment isnt showing her that I don't care. Im pretty sure she knows that I still care and that this is just time to spend on each of ourselves, without the stress of what we were going through together. I just miss my animals and my house, but am staying strong.

I would like to go see my animals... and her... before I go on my trip in late August, but maybe it would be better for us both if I just waited until my return. I am hopeful that my trip will help me focus on other things. Im just rambling =)

[asat82]

Thanks ss06, it makes me stronger to hear from her, and allows me to feel good about myself. A couple of months ago I went to a little get together and flirted with a girl a bit, later that night she sent me a facebook message, and I got her number, and went to trivia with her the next week, but decided this is not the way I want to make myself better... for multiple reasons (mostly that I am very much in love with my wife). Though the attention does feel good. Maybe I should go out a bit, but I don't want these interactions to cloud my judgement.

[asat82]

A little more backstory:

I am playing a couple of shows this weekend, so I have my weekend full of positive good vibe things. I was a musician full-time previously in life (I actually was one when my wife met me). She tried to get me playing again a couple of years ago, and I never decided to do this for myself until about 6 months ago. She is happy about that, but always said that she wondered why I couldn't do that earlier when she saw that I was unhappy. I made excuses, and it really was not feasible with my job schedule at that time... rotating day and night schedules really messed me up. I feel so much better about work now too since my schedule has changed. I feel like slowly I am making myself feel better. I just wish I could get another chance with my newfound life. I am remaining detached for now though.

[asat82]

No news is good news and Im keeping on with taking care of myself. Well except for diet, today is my splurge day. First coke in 3 weeks or so and some tasty fast food =). No news means no divorce papers. I actually wish I had given us both this space long ago, before there were OM in the picture. Perhaps it is still positive.. 1 month to go til my trip, I can't wait, but want to see my animals before I go. Just trying not to make any contact at all, so I just may wait to say something if she contacts me. I think she probably appreciates that I am giving her space. Now time to learn some songs... I have put it off too long.

[asat82]

I'm having a rough day, missing my wife, missing my house, missing my animals. Just 3 weeks ago everything seemed to be turning around, and now worse than ever =\. I haven't heard from wife since monday, but I just texted her because I am waiting for some very important mail, the text was just a hi, how are you, and then into the mail thing. Was bout 2 hours ago, and no response yet =\. Not everyday can be a positive. I miss her so much, even after working onmyself for so long, I don't want to stop thinking about her. I know things could be great if we just could have a clean slate. Still hoping for the best when I move back into the house in October.

[asat82]

I know I shouldn't try to understand, but I just can't wrap my head around her decision to give anyone else a chance but me. I feel like we deserve a chance, and sometimes she does as well, but then continuing her life with her current group of friends somehow sways her against it. Is it a good thing or a bad things that a couple of time in the last 3 months or so she has said that we should work things out, I just don't get a chance before she changes her mind. Hoping that my going dark and focusing on bettering myself and changing for me will have an impact. It is hard to feel better while not in my own house. It's like I am experiencing another withdrawal from not visiting my house and animals, but I need to figure out a way through this. And I just hope my wife will be receptive and open one day. I just don't think I will ever close that door.. just not doing well =\

[asat82]

So I got a response text as follows:
Hey. Things are good. Hope you're doing well. Haven't gotten anything yet. I'll let ya know as soon as it comes in. Have a good one!

She is so nice, and at least she isn't completely cold to me like she was previously, but I know she has another life going on... I'm gonna go out and do something.

[pilot]

You need to work on detaching. I know it is hard, but really try. Then use the time you have until October to really work on yourself, and become the guy she would not want to live without.

Keep posting here on a regular basis and people will follow your story and chime in with words of wisdom and encouragement.

Best of luck to you

[asat82]

So I talked to my wife today because I am expecting some very important mail, I texted her to see if it was there. She called me back and said they haven't seen it. Thing is she asked me what I was doing tomorrow. I told her there was a party for someone at work which Im going to tomorrow night (which is true of course), but she told me to call her tomorrow to talk about something.

So I am fairly she flew to visit the OM over this past weekend and think the conversation could be about that. I know I shouldn't dig into this, but I think I need to make a stand for myself about this issue no matter what tomorrow. I feel like I have been just sitting by, and I need to do this to stand up for myself. Not only do I feel better when I do this, but she respects it also. I want to let her know that I feel disrespected and do not wish to remain in an open marriage, and I don't want a divorce, but I will not be disrespected anymore... what to do...

[asat82]

She called me a couple of times this weekend to chat. I did for a bit, but was on my way to a party. Told her I was out and needed to go. She called me back at the party, I answered and she heard I was having a good time Im sure. She asked me to come watch the animals today. Since I had not seen them I agreed and knew they needed to be taken care of. I have not been here in over 3 weeks, looking forward to moving back in october.

Confirmed that she flew to see OM.. time to take care of myself emotionally and financially. Gonna tell her that I won't stand for this and start planning for my future. I would love her to come back to me, but she needs to stop this affair and quit looking for other men and putting herself in positions to meet other men... that is very disrespectful to me. I know she doesnt want to hurt me, but she needs to know how hurtful and disrespectful this has been to me, our marriage and our friendship. Then I will continue to be dark until october when i move bac and continue my GAL. Any thoughts?