I have been praying for you often, and will continue to do so. I'm sorry I haven't had more time to respond to you, but my own life has been kind of crazy lately.
7 1/2 years ago, as you know from my sitch, I aggressively "affair-busted" my wife's affair, and we reconciled. Our piecing stage had fits and starts, as you probably also know, and it really didn't even look like we were going to make it as late as early 2009. We almost lost our house to foreclosure -- THREE TIMES. My wife's father's health began declining, our finances were in a hot mess, and even our two adult daughters always seemed on the edge of financial disaster.
It was also in 2009 that our then 20 year old daughter -- who was dating an alcoholic drug addict who was emotionally abusive -- sent us a next one night when she was out: "Are you guys still up?" Then "Go look in my room on my desk -- I wrote you a letter."
My wife and I instantly and instinctively knew what it was: she was pregnant.
She was at her sister's apartment, afraid to face us, and terrified about her future. I didn't handle it well, began freaking out about the financial and other ramifications of it all and shouted to my wife "SHE CAN'T AFFORD INSURANCE, OURS ISN'T GOING TO COVER THIS . . . WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"
My wife, who's normally the "flipper-outer" in our family, was calm and strong, looked me in the eye and said "We're going to go over there, we're going to hug our daughter and tell her that we love her and that everything's going to be okay, and then we're going to take everything one day at a time."
And we did, and she was right.
Through our continued challenges these past four years (my wife's parents ailing health including her father's dementia, them moving in with us, two weddings, multiple job scares, the loss of two beloved pets, legal proceedings over the custody of my granddaughter when her baby-daddy suddenly appeared after 2 years of no contact wanting 50% custody, etc. etc. . . . that little munchkin has been our source of constant joy and strength. They lived with us off and on while my daughter finally got the courage to leave her boyfriend and she has since met a great guy (US Navy, good job, very responsible, takes AWESOME care of the two of them) and we've won at least "Round 1" of the custody battle. But now we found out a month ago that our soon-to-be-son-in-law got Navy orders to go to Chicago for 3 years, and you could've just ripped our heart out. 1,000 miles away.
My wife sobbed to me one night "I lost my cat, I feel like I'm losing my dad and now I'm losing my granddaughter. What else is God going to take from me??!"
I don't know why some things happen, Train. Sometimes I can see the wisdom, the divine "plan" in it all and other times I only see it much later. Sometimes we never see it at all. I DO know that life is all about "chapters," and you are in a rough one right now. Storms. All we can do is steel ourselves, bow our head (in both prayer and a posture of resolve) and begin to push ourselves into it and -- hopefully -- THRU it. Be there for your daughter, and your grandchild. Be patient with your husband, but make your wishes known and fulfill them. This is one of those "N.U.T.S." in life -- Non-negotiable Unalterable Terms. Use what you've learned here, pray DAILY for wisdom, clarity and strength and keep pressing forward.
When you hold that precious little grandchild of yours it will all be worth it.
