How am I supposed to work on my marriage while OM is still in communication with WAW? The part where I am conflicted is, how do I try and get her to not be in this relationship without being controlling?
For example this past weekend there where two instances where she lowered a boundary that she had in place but then I tried to push it a little further and she got very upset.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
How am I supposed to work on my marriage while OM is still in communication with WAW? The part where I am conflicted is, how do I try and get her to not be in this relationship without being controlling?
You can't, and you don't. You've been told that 100 times here, I'm not sure why it's still unclear to you, Ox.
I know I can't work on the M, while OM is in the picture.
But I have had other advice to gently push him out. then other advice to ignore it do the 180 etc..
Every time I do the 180, I get a comment from her to the effect that I am ignoring her on purpose Nd she knows what I am to.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Personally Ox, I would only take advice from people who have actually saved their marriages. Or those who are warning you against the same mistakes that lead to their divorce.
Seems like a no-brainer. I made the same mistake of soaking up any advice that seemed vauguely relevant to my situation.You'll just come across as a mess
Suspected EA: Feb 2013 Bomb drop: Mid March 2013 Separation: Mid April 2013 (I fought for marriage) Filed for Divorce: April 2014 Accidental Exposure of affair: June 2014
Personally Ox, I would only take advice from people who have actually saved their marriages. Or those who are warning you against the same mistakes that lead to their divorce.
Seems like a no-brainer. I made the same mistake of soaking up any advice that seemed vauguely relevant to my situation.You'll just come across as a mess
Suspected EA: Feb 2013 Bomb drop: Mid March 2013 Separation: Mid April 2013 (I fought for marriage) Filed for Divorce: April 2014 Accidental Exposure of affair: June 2014
"But I have had other advice to gently push him out. then other advice to ignore it do the 180 etc.."
Are you referring to the other websites again or on this one?
No the MC
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
You don't have the power to push him out. And if you " pushed" him out, that isn't your W willingly letting him go in order to work on the M.
Where ever you are getting the advice on how to work on the M when OM is in the picture ( because the believe here is that it is not possible. And I believe it truly is not possible) perhaps you should ask that question to whomever or where ever you got the advice. Because 99.9% of the people here will tell you to work on yourself and that you cannot work on an m with OP in the picture.
Have you read DR?!
Read DB.
I have worked so hard this weekend on really applying the principles in DB. I try really hard to keep my mouth shut.
I have started to GAL. I think I am just a little gun shy...Went out with some friends. I was talking to the sister of one of their wives shes only 25 now shes texting and calling me all day...This is not what I need right now...she could be my daughter!
Can you believe I feel guilty every-time she calls me...I keep trying to be dad like...
You need to not respond to any of that. It's easy enough to ignore all but every fifth call, then every tenth, then every twentieth if it takes that long for her to realize you're not interested. You don't have to engage. Don't even bother to be dad-like. Just be remote.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
You need to not respond to any of that. It's easy enough to ignore all but every fifth call, then every tenth, then every twentieth if it takes that long for her to realize you're not interested. You don't have to engage. Don't even bother to be dad-like. Just be remote.
