Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Busy weekend. Lots of fun with the kiddie! D was over the moon about her American Girl doll. She hasn't put it down. So glad I made the investment. It beats getting a curtain rod for your birthday.

Went to one fourth parade and two fireworks shows and got eaten alive by mosquitoes. But we had fun regardless.

D had her party today. It was very overcast but warm and the rain held off. Five little girls and three big ones. It was nice. J and OW showed up of course acting like the perfect couple. I shook off my disgust and was gracious and civil not because I wanted to because it was the right thing to do. J did his usual bit of doing enough to appear like he had something to do with the planning of the party when I did all the work. If I sound a little bitter it's because I am.

S told me J plans to get a Corvette Stingray when the kids are "out of the house". Just more evidence of his materialistic nature coming to light. J probably passed it off as making a joke, but I know the truth of the matter. Once the kids are 18 and his responsibility is done, he will go and have fun and be done. He will keep minimum maintenance on the kids just so he can get part of the glory until that time, but once college is in sights, J will be long gone.

D said she often thinks that daddy doesn't love her. I told her that her daddy does love her and if she needs reassurance then to get it from him. This makes me so sad. Such a sweet innocent little girl. I just want to cry.

Is it truly better for these kids to be around their con man of a father? He makes me sick. I see through the facade and I so want to call him out. I fight the urge and I'm constantly reminding myself to give it to god and not take karma into my own hands.

And I kept hearing how J was so sick (at death's door practically) yet he was sacrificing his health to swim with the girls. I hope he catches a cold and sneezes his head off.

Yes I am owly and snippy tonight. I kept my mouth shut all day. I got to let it out.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,103
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,103
Hi WH,
You know I see in my W that now that she has left, she pays very little attention to our oldest D who just turned 19 (She just grad from HS in June). It's like since she is over 18, she has no responsibility for helping her pay for college, get her a car so she can get a job, etc. The house she rented only has 2 bedrooms so if she stays with her mom she will have to share a room with her 14 year old sister (at least if her sister is there. So far she hasn't been there but one night)! The house even had 3 bedrooms but she turned one into her "office" which she doesn't really need. She also is wanting to send our D14 to public school for the first time as she doesn't want to pay for it or be bothered by having to pick her up and drop her off every day. She'd rather have a school bus do it! This from the woman who said we had to sacrifice to put the kids in private school for the last 14 years!

She also was so concerned that we share custody with D14. Now that she has moved, in the last 3 weeks my D has spent a total of 2 nights there (one was just last night). And today she is dropping her off at her grandmothers to stay with her! I really think the only reason she wants joint custody is because of the stigma of a mother not having custody and that she would have to pay CS as well.

And last but not least, just like J, my W is now ALWAYS so sick. It's like they are so sure that they are going to die half the time. I swear it boggles my mind how similar the MLC S's act! Hang in there. I know how hard it is to stay calm and just keep our mouths shut but better to let them just act like the idiots they seem to have become! You are not alone!

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Thanks, Matt.

I am really having problems today. I am just so angry. This whole thing just makes me sick. I am shaking I am so angry.

You would think after all I have been through nothing would faze me. Wrong. I know everyone says I should count my blessings he still wants to be part of their life. J only wants something that will benefit him. He doesn't want to be called a deadbeat dad. As long as he has more than weekend placement he can tell everyone that he is a "good" dad. He isn't a "good" dad. Just because you aren't a drug dealer and because you don't want to pay child support doesn't make you a good dad. You could have 100% placement and still be a deadbeat dad.

I am just livid inside and I have no control over anything J or OW do. It makes me sick that my kids get no reprieve from this woman. I feel like screaming.

I am not sorry. I am angry, dammit and I have every reason to be. I am trying to work through it. If I just ignore it the anger will explode.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
WH,
I can understand you anger and I would be angry too w/the way things are going down in "J's" household, however, there is nothing you can do about the situation, except provide a safe haven for your children when they are w/you, i.e., which you do.

When you get home this evening, use that anger to complete some "dreadful" project that you've had on the back burner for quite some time. You definitely need an outlet to let that steam off.

I'm sorry things aren't going well and the ow is glued to J's pants leg. Hopefully, in time, she'll get tired of parading herself around and making snippy remarks.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Thanks Job.

I have calmed down. Just needed some time to work through it.

I know I have no control over what happens in J's world. Frankly I do not care, except how it affects my kids. I am a bit irritated with J also because he disconnected the landline. Not that I care but it would be nice to know because I have it programmed into my phone and it's been listed as the primary contact number for us and the kids for years. He never even mentioned it to me. Did he notify anyone in his family about this like his mother? His sisters? Anyone? He seems to think people find out this information by accident and that is just okay. Plus I tried to get a hold of him via his cell phone yesterday and today with no answer. Yesterday he was using OW's phone because "something" happened to his. Maybe they intend to share a phone since they can't seem to be apart long enough to use the bathroom. If I need to contact J about the kids, how am I supposed to do that? I guess I just don't.

I am planning to switch S's phone over to my plan. That way the bill will be paid and I can monitor it. I know J is just playing games to get me to take over S's cell phone bill. I think I will let him squeeze a bit longer. I'm trying to be one step ahead and I suspect J thinks I will get irritated and p*ssed off enough to take over the bill. If I don't react quick enough he might just ask me to. I guess the key in this whole dynamic is to outlast J kind of like in the divorce process.

Which speaking of that, since J was the petitioner in our case he is responsible for filing the Findings of Fact, Conclusions of Law and Judgement of Divorce. My attorney emailed J today to ask him if he was aware he was required to do these things and had he done them? So far no response from J. I think he was playing hooky from work. I sent him an email about the kids and got an out of office bounceback.

Not sure what happens if J doesn't do this. I'm not paying my attorney to do anything else. J can pay his attorney to advise him.

Hoping the weekend without the kids goes quickly. I miss those kids so much I could pop!

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
Quote:
I guess the key in this whole dynamic is to outlast J kind of like in the divorce process.


Yes, I think it is. At some level I think the MLCer is trying to 'win', to be right about things, to justify what another (mostly dormant!) bit of their brain is shrieking out 'this is wrong wrong wrong and you know it'. I suspect that is what drives their huge anger. With my xh, like yours, anger if they do not get their own way, erupts quickly and childishly. So tired of that behaviour.

I am sorry that you have to do this horrible co-parenting thing. I am so grateful that my kids were grown and I didn't have to. Having a MLCer dad as a child must be awful. However, I strongly believe that one responsible loving parent is enough. They get to see what normal is, and that you provide a safe haven. At what age can they say what they want in your state?

The business with the phone is typical of the way they simply act without thought of the consequences for others. Typical teen behaviour 'It seemed like a good idea at the time'

I would get good and angry - and as Job said use the energy to do some noisome task.

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Okay I have calmed down, for now. I have a wee bit o'Irish in my blood and when I get mad I get good and mad and it takes a long time for me to calm down.

I had to take D to the dentist yesterday because her gum was bleeding in one spot and she said it was itching like crazy. She couldn't even brush there because it hurt her so badly. The dentist said there was something embedded in her gums that was trying to work it's way out. Kind of like a splinter. He said he wasn't concerned, but if it wasn't better in a week to bring her back in. He gave her an oral antiseptic rinse to use after every meal and she says it feels better already. Turns out D had a toothpick at her dad's and poked herself with it and that is what is embedded. I called J today to tell him about the medicine and to make sure she takes it and to explain what the dentist said. He said he was aware of the toothpick incident and didn't think anything of it even after D's tooth started bleeding. I told D not to use any more toothpicks because of this.

Tonight I am going to a major league baseball game with some co-workers. We got free tickets and are sitting in the vendor box. Should be a good time. It's been a long time since I have been to a baseball game.

So I need to find a new stove. The new part needed is no longer carried because the stove is so old and would cost over $300 if it was available. That's just for the part, not for the labor to install. So I have started the search. I will take care of it because my landlord is slow on the draw. Otherwise it will be another month before I get my stove.

Funny as it may seem, I have been giving dating advice to my friend back home who has been recently divorced as well. She has about 4-5 men chasing her. But they are all losers with issues. Some drink too much, some have commitment fear, some watch porn, PLUS her ex she just divorced wants her back yet hasn't made one step to change himself for the better. It makes me sad to watch this. I keep telling her she is worth more than these idiots, but she keeps telling me she doesn't want to give up on these guys if its "Meant to be". UGH. I told her there is no such thing as "meant to be" and even if there was, there would be no immediate red flags with "meant to be". It would just be. I feel like a jaded and bitter woman when I keep reminding her off all the red flags that pop up. I told her that everyone has issues, but she needs to decide if these issues are ones she can live with or not. That is what makes the difference.

Thing is I used to be like that. Making excuses for bad behavior and wanting to give guys second chances and accepting their issues which were honestly unacceptable to me. Not wanting to throw something away that was "meant to be". Ugh. That phrase really makes me nauseated. It's on the same level as "you complete me".

I apologized to her because I don't want to rain on her parade and be a negative nelly. She said she needs me to be direct and firm with her because she has a soft spot for these guys and I call it like I see it. In my relationships with people I have always been the mature, wise one everyone comes to for advice. It's no wonder when I found myself in this predicament no one really knew how to help me or what to say. I had to save myself. And I did.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Hello again

Another night at the circus. D had BB and of course OW was there sitting on J's lawn chair with her feet up and cold drink in her hand. I said nothing to her. Why would I? I talked to S and saw D who came up and gave me big hugs. J said D was cranky and tired and was having an attitude. She didn't want to play she wanted me. So I stood by her dugout so she could be by her team. A little later she had to go to the bathroom but was afraid to go because she said her bottom was sore. I went with her and she eventually went to the bathroom but it took some time and coaxing. As we were leaving OW came in and said "your daddy sent me in her to look for you". I just smiled and kept walking.

Later J stopped by to let me know he would give me some money for the dog deposit and to drop off the crate. I was unloading the new stove from my car so it was for once good timing. He helped me get it in the house and into position. He then wanted to have a talk. Oh yes, you know it.

He called me out for being rude to OW. Oh yes...ow goes out if her way to be kind and considerate. What? Oh did I let J have it. I told him in no uncertain terms that OW and I were not friends and never would be friends. I said I am not kissing her butt and I don't expect her to nor do I want her to kiss mine. I don't want anything to do with her. I will be civil to her, but that's it. He said I was poisoning her relationship with the kids and OW and the kids get along great. Bull. I told him I have nothing to do with their relationship and I am not getting involved in it. If the kids mention her I tell them I don't want to talk about her. And that's that. I won't talk about her, and I am not "facilitating" the relationship between my children and this other woman. Not my circus, not my monkeys. And I also told J that I am not defending myself any more. Case closed.

He then told me about all the times when she has started "dissing" me and J has come to my rescue and defended me telling her "she is the mother of my children" blah blah blah. I almost think J is trying to instigate the negativity between me and this woman. Frankly I don't want to care enough to hate her. I don't hate her but I certainly don't like her and she isn't someone I would hang with for any long period of time even if she hadn't slept with my husband.

I think OW's insecurity is starting to bubble to the surface and J is stirring the pot with a big spoon. I don't want any part of it. I have not tried to get in the middle and I continue to just watch from the sidelines.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
In what parallel universe would you be 'friends; with a woman like that who was sleeping with a married man?

The very fact that she is dissing you probably inspires J to think that you do the same. Pure projection here.

Everyone else is to blame but them for everything in the universe from house prices, through the weather to the poor relationship with their children. I swear the thought 'Could it possibly be me?'never flitters across the edgs of their consciousness, never mind take up any kind of residence there.

To this day my xh blames me for pretty much everything. Apparently 'everyone' but me gets along with their ex spouse and their new partner. That's nice, isn't it? Cheers you up really.

Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
What an A-hole!

I know, I know, it should come as NO SURPRISE at this point...but, seriously?

I'm so glad you told him you WOULD NOT BE DEFENDING YOURSELF ANY LONGER.

I wish this man would fall off a sharp cliff.

Did he, at least, call before he "dropped by?" What an arrogant pig...he must enjoy the whole two women in his life thing...It's like he is still cake eating even though you are divorced and refusing to engage. He's trying.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard