Have I any hope... (part 2)

[bashy]

Oh man. I feel humbled. I hardly contribute to your threads with great advice and here you are helping me.

Just a quick post. WAW was meant to pick D from my place were I live with Dad. Since we split last year she's never done that as she's admitted she can't face my dad. Anyway, 90 minutes b4 due pick up I get a call. Can I meet her somewhere to drop D off. Her anxiety is really bad and she's worried about driving. I said I can't. I'm getting ready to go out with a friend. There was silence. Then an 'ok'. I said: '"I'll see u soon." Then hung up. Felt empowered lol

Soooo, just as I typed above WAW arrived with her brother. She came in and spoke to my dad. Asked him how he was. We brought D out. Small talk. Said my dad was looking well. I said I'd see her Monday for D's horse riding camp. She looked tired/down. I went back into house without looking back.

I hope I did ok? Should I text later to thank her for coming in to speak to dad or continue darkness? Hate all this game playing. Want to be me but can't as my WAW doesn't want old me.

[Maybell]

That was just right. I'm glad laying that boundary felt good to you.

You are not game playing. Just because it feels uncomfortable doesn't mean it's fake. It just means you're getting used to a new way of being.

Don't text. Speaking to your dad was common decency. She's been part of his life for eleven years too.

Don't feel badly about not contributing more to threads. We do what we can when we can. The other night I was really, really down and you showed up and offered kindness. That mattered a lot to me. Feel good about yourself.

[Mat]

+1 posts aren't meant to be transactional. We get something out of writing on other threads too!

The interaction you had with W looks normal and mature to me as well.

[bashy]

Thanks both of you. Off out now with a friend for a U2 tribute gig. Need some me time.

[bashy]

So my D asked me to text lotto numbers to her tonight. She has new text app so ice been texting for the first time this evening when out.

So WAW just text me. She says D is being take care off by auntie as she's going out to festival and D doesn't have internet access.

What!!! WAW has a free night last night but still goes out tokugyt plus never messages me about my messages to D. Is she trying to make me jealous cus of what happened earlier? Cus I'm going out?

[Old Dog]

Good for I the first instance getting her to come to your dad's.

Just ignore the second. It doesn't matter what she's doing. The fact that she was supposed to be looking after D and has palmed her off isn't do good for D's sake.

[bashy]

So collected D for horses this morning at WAWs. Silence when I got there as she gave me some docs. Then I entered living room. WAW says: "so what's with all these one and two word replies to my texts?" I said I didn't know what she meant. Been up to eyes with dad and don't have a minute to myself. She rolls her eyes and starts going through her texts. First one she comes to has a thanks by me at the end. She gives no more specific ones.

Says she knows me better than anyone and she knows what I'm doing ie I've been doing this since telling me about OM. I said she can think what she likes but I've been busy. Don't have time to go into lengthy chats on text.

She then says I text at week saying: "Pick D up at dads at 5." She says I didn't even say "could she" pick her up. This despite the fact she wanted me to meet her to give D back.

Drop D of at horses. She's upset. Wants me to stay. I persevere. She stays. I text WAW. Tell her. We chat briefly. I think there's more going on inside D's head than she's letting on. WAW agrees D hasn't been herself lately.

Then WAW rings an hour later about bills. I go onto say I think D should go to counselling. She listens but in the end thinks it's extreme. She gets defensive. Says her and D are unsettled until new house plus D is going through hormonal changes. I say that I think it could be more and there's no harm in us taking her. I ask to give it a month to see how move goes. She agrees but thinks D is feeling guilty about me as whenever WAW ask her to do something D says she's doing it or has done it with me.

Phone then goes dead. Battery? Don't know.

Feel like WAW will go further away but need to stay strong I suppose.

Thoughts vets/anyone?

[Maybell]

Nothing your W said invalidates the idea of counseling for your D.

I wish there was more I could say.

I hope your dad is doing better.

[bashy]

Apologies Maybell. Can u explain further?

[Maybell]

All the things your W said your daughter is feeling don't mean your D couldn't benefit from counseling. I would argue that they actually prove the point -- if your D is feeling guilt about doing stuff with you then she's trying to protect her mom from herself, which isn't healthy for a child. Your dad, her grandfather is sick, so she probably worries about him and you, and may need support for that. Her physical home is disrupted and uncertain, which also calls for support. She's at an age where she herself is developing towards adolescence and her home life is unstable -- so she needs support.

So in my third-party view, all the things your W said to explain away what's going on with your D actually kind of support the need for counseling.

In the US most schools have a counselor on staff to provide guidance to kids & families that are struggling. Is that available at your D's school? It may be a resource you can tap if the need arises.

Hope this helps.