Have I any hope... (part 2)

[bashy]

Ty so much Anders. Means a lot!!!!

Been an interesting few days.

Spoke to my auntie for first time about WAW. She told me she was like WAW once. Says I'm like a puppy dog. Being used etc. Man up, she says. Stop taking every text and call. Move on. It'll anger her but will shock her into realising I ain't waiting around. Counsellor agreed the next day. I know it'll be hard but I'm not taking it any more...

And you know what. I agree with counsellor. I've received two texts since talking to aunt. I ignored the first one. Second one was about my dad. I replied in four words. I feel empowered. No more mr sit back and take it like a dog.

I'm moving on. If WAW wants me she can fight for it. I love my W. But I ain't messing about no more. She can have OM but I ain't sitting about thinking about her every minute of every day any more. I mean it.

As of yesterday, this new man is taking the s**t no more. I will prove it to u all. I will GAL, detach like never before and really enjoy my time with family and friends.

Wish me luck...

[HeadUp]

bashy what I went to a friends house and he told me the best thing I have ever heard. I love my W. This woman that is taking her spot right now is someone I don't love. I wouldn't give this woman the time of day. Your W loves you and who ever is texting you isn't your W. Be strong Good luck.

[bashy]

Well, who am I kidding. Had a great session with counsellor yesterday. Said I was a different person from 3 weeks ago when I started sessions. I asked about what happens when I have bad days.... can't remember what she said to that.

Sooo, today has been horrible and I don't know why. All I think of is WAW even though I've been GAL'ing like mad. BBQ twice with family, painting cousins fence.... then went for a drive tonight. All I could think of was my life. How did it end up this way?!?!

Then auntie rang. Is seen her earlier in the day. Said I was quiet earlier. I broke down. I can't cope anymore.....

[Ss06]

bashy, but you ARE coping. This isn't easy or fun and all things difficult provide setbacks. One step forward, two steps back. So you had a rough day. You're bound to have rough days. Tomorrow is another day that you can begin anew. You're GAL which is great but you need to think stop. I know, it's SO much easier said than done but it works. Get a new hobby and dive into it. Volunteer somewhere, write more in your solution journal, do something for YOU! You can be down, feel set back but you can't wallow. This isn't happening TO you, you've contributed to some of this... let's find out how. Action in a positive direction always lifts me out of a backslide. Get to work.

[bashy]

Jeez ss. Wish u were closer to me to kick my ass. Ty

[Old Dog]

Hey bashy, why don't we meet up in, say Birmingham with some 2x4s :-)

Or check out my Resources for feeling better thread.

Don't worry dude, you'll pull through. I just came out of a trough myself last weekend.

[bashy]

Heh Old Dog. All I can think of is my actions over last few months. Has it led to her meating OM. I feel if I don't support her with move to new house she'll get p***ed and get OM to help ensuring he continues to take my place.

I've been continuing to go dark and out with family etc. it's hard. I just want to reach out but promise I wont. I feel there's no way back. My WAW is stubborn. She won't ever back down. I think I'm gonna see doctor and ask about anti-depressants. Counselling is helping but I think I need that every day.

To my WAW, life is great at the minute despite her panic attack recently but I suppose that's cus she has OM plus me on end of the phone. She knows how to get me to respond to a text when I ignore.... ask a q about D or ask how my dad is.

I cancelled a cinema trip this weekend with her partly cus of my dad and also cus I don't want to see her but would be nice of her to see me looking good and confident even if I'm faking it.

I feel lost.

[Mat]

Hey bashy, why don't we meet up in, say Birmingham with some 2x4s :-)

Let me know when I'm there!

[Mat]

All right, joking aside, I am sorry you've been feeling so low. It's been a couple of days now.

All I can think of is my actions over last few months. Has it led to her meating OM.

OK - you know very well that it takes one to tango. So it could be that a different sequence of events, including but not limited to your actions, have led to her meeting someone. But so what? The very thing you're blaming for the end of your marriage happens to be the solution to your unhappiness; YOUR ACTIONS. It's up to you to reflect, and start thinking about how you're going to make yourself happy. Of course, if you can't shake off the depression and especially if you have dark thoughts you'll probably need meds for a while. But fundamentally, you've got to come up with the life skills to be happy again.

GAL'ing is great and necessary; but it's not the only thing. Think about how your thoughts influence how you feel. How your actions make you feel, and how they are helping or hindering your own happiness. Thankfully you have a counsellor to help you through this as well.

OD's thread looks very useful. I'll use it as well. Thanks for that OD.

To my WAW, life is great at the minute despite her panic attack recently but I suppose that's cus she has OM plus me on end of the phone.

Perhaps you want to read bits of Thornton's thread here. I wouldn't assume she's having a ball. WAWs will want to show the best side of their lives, especially if there's a little spite in them. I can't possibly know how she feels, but the panic attack looks like a dead giveaway to me. Also, manipulating you, if it's intentional, are not the actions of a happy, centred person. She may be struggling too...

We're here for you man. Keep posting, even if you don't get replies.

[Maybell]

Bashy, one of the things I've been coming to realize lately is how few boundaries I have in place to protect myself from being harmed physically and emotionally. Sometimes I'll relate a situation in which I have a weak boundary to a friend and I can see by their face that the danger of the situation is obvious. Now recently I'm starting to examine that more. Realizing that few situations are truly binary, I feel more empowered to strengthen my personal boundaries and explore how I can make sure I'm protected without trampling on others' needs. This takes a certain amount of creative thinking and certainly time and strength, but I think the end result will be an infinitely happier life for me.

Something you may want to think about for your own situation.

WRT helping her with moving... You should not. That is too much pain to take on for yourself.

Also... Is moving fun? Does it bring out the best in you or your W? Or do you bicker and fuss and cuss? If the second... Leave OM to that pleasant task. Let them feel the weight of real life.

I just came out of a huge trough too. Sometimes I think it's in the stars because so many of us feel so down at once. You're getting a lot of great support and advice so I hope it's helping with your PMA and that today is a better day for you.

Hugs!