Have I any hope... (part 2)

[bashy]

Well it's all going wrong.... I think.

If you read my previous posts you'll see about WAW trying to get new home but under investigation for claiming money as a single parent.... anyway, she met solicitor (attorney for you US folk) about getting a letter saying we have been split for said time. However, WAW was advised to start divorce proceedings and said a letter will be being sent out to me to sign and she just rang to tell me as she didn't want me shocked and to talk about it.

She asked what did I think. I said : 'sure I'll look at it when I get it'. BUT man, I'm sooo scared. What do I do?!?!?! Please help someone?!?!? WAW didn't seem totally convinced but was doing the usually 'well I suppose it was gonna happen sooner rather than later' etc

Help please!!!!

[oad]

Bashy hang in there. Be indifferent, acted as if you are fine with everything and never let her see you sweat. Do the complete opposite of what she is used to you doing. This is a crazy mental rollercoaster.

[bashy]

I sooo hope so oad. I acted cool, didn't react in any way... but god am I scared. Thankfully I had second counsellor session a few hours b4 hand who helped reinforce comments on this forum about detaching.

I hate this...

[Mat]

I think that hopefully, this is the first step to her reconsidering. The book is clear that one reason why couples may not want to separate is that life is easier with a partner. It's not just about romance - though of course you need a deep bond.

So you may be getting closer to that "holding pattern", where you are advised to hold your nerve until there is a clear indication she wants to get back together. I'd be helpful but let her reach out. The fact that you didn't drive to her is quite positive in my opinion... Make her work a little bit for your help.

[bashy]

I really hope so Mat but all I can see from this process is rows and arguments. I won't agree to divorce which will anger her thus ensuring she digs her heels in pushing us further apart.
Am at my wits end!!!

[Mat]

It does sound to me like rushing a divorce to get benefits is a bit of a dumb move. But of course she does not want to be homeless. How about you write the letter anyway, and with a record of her having sent you a letter asking for divorce that should be enough? I would have thought that once she is moved in then she will be out of trouble.

Nothing should force you to agree to a divorce if you don't want one.

If you can't afford to talk to a solicitor yourself (note that usually you can get out quite a bit of information before they even talk about billing you, if you have a nice manner), why don't you spend some time on nidirect.gov.uk and look up the very benefits that she's claiming, and what terms there are? In my own experience many high-street solicitors in this country are complete lazy turdwits, so they may have missed something.

[bashy]

Thanks man. I'll look at that. In the mean time I'm letting her get on with things herself. If my name is on something I'll deal with it for her but if not il advise a professional if she needs help.

In the meantime, some poster shopping for D for her bedroom. Girls and their boy bands!!!

[bashy]

Received letter today from WAWs solicitor asking for my consent to petition for divorce. She will get legal aid. I won't. How should I deal with this? Please someone....

[Mat]

This is dangerous territory; her solicitor will in effect be able to stretch the case as long as needed to get as much as possible, as his/her budget will be much less limited than yours.

I would try to convince W to get her benefits using a letter from you attesting you are separated. If she's retaining the same solicitor that advised her to get a divorce to obtain the benefits, he may be in conflict of interests. I'd find out and call the legal ombudsman if that's the case.

Sorry to be negative. I don't know if I'm doing more harm than good here.

At this point it's worth asking a solicitor if you are under any obligation whatsoever to agree, and if W can take you to court if you don't. My understanding is that separation must have been continuous for 2 years for unilateral divorce to be possible, but I don't know.

Any other UK-based people can chime in here?

[bashy]

Thing is. I have absolutely no money anywere for her to get off me bar the maintenance I currently give which is £50 a month more than she's entitled to. I'm just wondering how I approach WAW to say this petition is going too far without sounding like I'm pursuing.