Have I any hope... (part 2)

[bashy]

Thanks Thornton.
Been doing a lot of over thinking these past few days after leaving D with WAW on birthday. No contact since (nearly 3 days... I know... I'm pitiful!!). Is she so stubborn she won't contact until she needs me or I contact first? Is she forgetting/getting over me as we are usually in contact one way or the other every other day? All questions I shouldn't be asking/tormenting myself with.

[bashy]

Another day without contact and although it really is silly that it's only been 3/4 days I'm feeling down.
Despite leaving on a real positive note at the weekend and making my WAW and D laugh I've heard nothing since.
I look back at all the contact in recent months (bar my silly episode last month of pursuing one evening) and it seems like things are worse than ever before. Usually there's a text or call every other day... but now, nothing.
Reading Jessa's posts (http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2463466#Post2463466) it has lifted by spirits a little but I still feel lost. I need to GAL but can't seem to muster any energy. As far as my WAW is concerned I am and have been GAL'ing... plus going dark myself.
But is this being counter productive. I'm hoping she is beginning to miss me... on the other hand, her confession that she has been on a few dates with OM has me thinking that the texts I have been getting in recent months are now going to him - if him even exists.
This hurts like hell...

[Mat]

If yours is anything like mine, they are MUCH better are doing the detaching than we are. Shame we're the ones that got walked away from!!!

Worth remembering the helpful post that Ben put in your thread about detachment, and how men fare so much worse than the ladies. It stands to reason that the ones who leave will pull away in reaction to your pulling away. I want to trust that MWD would have written applicable caveats in the LRT chapter if we were supposed to start pursuing again after a couple days in certain circumstances.

In terms of having fun and GAL, you did mention you had a birthday party. That implies you have some buddies to go out with right? Isn't there a sociable one that would like to take you along? It's not easy for me either, mind you. My birthday is in a little more than a month, and I really need to get invites going if I'm not gonna be alone crying!

Why don't you publicly commit to doing one fun thing on this board, and we'll hold you to it!

My first IC meeting is next Tuesday. I have no hope that I'll hold back tears, even if I'm filling forms so you can be proud!

Take care

[bashy]

Heh Mat. Thanks for the response. I think you are right.... they seem to be much better at detaching lol

However, adding to yesterday's message. WAW rang today. I hung up twice... then missed a call.... then rang back. She gave off saying why I didn't answer and that she had needed me. I told her I was busy

It seems she got a letter from government agency saying she had been claiming money as a single parent despite evidence that I lived at the same address. It seems, because I pay all the bills for that address instead of paying maintenance, this has flagged up.

Anyway, after a discussion and me offering to write a letter with other evidence including bills (plus her shouting at me for something I can't remember now.... and me telling her calmly to stop shouting at me 'please') etc she asked to look at letter over the weekend. I said no problem but I'll re-write any changes she wants at work next week then remembered I can't as I'm off work on a short break so said I'd do it at the library as I don't have a home PC.

This was our discussion. She said: "You're off. You never told me." Me: "Well we aren't together so I don't need to tell you everything all the time." Her: "Why you off?" Me: "Going away for a few days." a pause then she said in a slightly peeved voice "It's well for you!" I ignored that last comment and said I'd get back to her about letter.

Sooooo, I text this evening asking for ref: no of letter and postal address. She replied "I'm not home right now and will do tomorrow." I told her I need tonight as I'm off work remember. She replies: "I thought u were doing it at the library." I told her I forgot library doesn't have a printer. She says: "You should've told me." I replied " No worries." That was the last correspondense.

So ofcourse I have all thoughts going through my head that shes with someone tonigt as D is staying at her grannys and it's a work night and she knows I work night shift so y doesn't she text when she gets home.

Luckily I have a good friend (who should be on this board btw) who told me to calm down, she's probably getting back at me for the earlier conversation, and even if she is on a date there's nothing I can do but try to be the better man!

So there you have it. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[CS000]

Bashy- I agree with your friend in being the better man. It's hard to not think about the WAS
Especially what they are doing but focusing on yourself is the best for you and your D. Take care

[bashy]

Thanks CS. After reading some comments from Sandi earlier on oad's thread (plus your support) I feel more determined to do the right thing.

[Mat]

Hi Bashy - I followed up on a thread about detachment and LRT. Just summarising some feedback that my coach gave me. A big health warning on this; our situations are NOT the same! I am on good terms with wife (always cordial so far), while with you it seems a lot more challenging at times. Knocking on wood.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2466144&#Post2466144

[bashy]

Heh Mat. Thanks for the link. Opened my eyes further. Jeez, when you read all this stuff, plus advice from others here PLUS dealing with your own sitch it really is hard to grasp all that's going on.

Anyway, I've been lying low both with WAW and this board. In fact, the friend I have been chatting to and helping me told me to close my FB account as it would stop me looking at hers and might make her curious about me. Then, coincidence or not, I got a call from WAW last night about an hour after I closed my fb page....

She rang to say she's real worried about her current sitch with tax agency in the UK threatening to cut her benefits as they believe we are still living together. Doesn't know what to do, is worried if they cut her money she'll lose the deposit on her new place, and were will that leave her.

I was friendly, listened, offered to help her with a letter she needs to put together with evidence that we are S. She asked would I come to her place this week to do it. I said I couldn't as can't afford fuel (it's a two hour round trip) but if she wants she can come to me, we'll take D out for bite to eat first, then sit down and do letter at my dads.

She said ok, then went on to say she can't cope, as her anxiety issues are coming back, she has no one to talk to except me (I asked her has she no friends or family to talk to.... she says I'm the only one understands her) and is worried for the future.

I told her I accepted our current sitch, I was getting on with my life like she is hers, but that I was here if she needed someone to talk to as whatever happens to her affects my D too.

Soooo... just wondering has anyone any thoughts on this? Is she reaching out? Realising single life ain't all wonderful? Or is she using me?

I know we shouldn't try and mind read but any help would be appreciated.

[CS000]

My 2 cents is that she is realizing that being single isn't all she thought it would be and depending on you to still be there. I wouldn't make yourself so readily available to her. Just my opinion

[bashy]

Hi CS. Appreciate the honesty. I'm having no probs not ringing or contacting unless to do with D but I'm finding it hard to draw a line with helping WAW. I'm getting paperwork for her from my end regarding bank statements and giving words of encouragement but unsure if this is going to far.
Have Counsellor tomorrow and will bring this up plus about detaching more.