My Happy Thread!!!

[beatrice]

See, in my mind, forgiveness to me means that I'm saying what she did is ok. And it is NOT ok. I guess I need to work on it.

I am confused here - if what she did was 'ok' there wouldn't actually need to forgive it would you? The whole point about forgiving is letting go of a hurt that someone did to you. Just letting it go. Good for us.

Also a good therapist will be as keen to have a 'fit' with you as will be. However, sometimes the tell us things we do not want to hear. one reason why MLCers seldom stick with therapy.

I think you would benefit from therapy, and sort a lot of stuff out, and get some good coping strategies.

[tadpole1025]

Hi everyone.

She texts you, which has you thinking about what she used to say about you.

True to an extent Ur. Actually, I was just quite amused by it. Gave it some thought for a little while, but forgot about it. I find that I do still think about her, but it is becoming less often. Maybe a few times a day I will see or think or hear of something that will remind me of her, but lately, I've been better.

The whole point about forgiving is letting go of a hurt that someone did to you. Just letting it go.

True and easier said than done, but I'm working on it. Hard to let go of a hurt that you still feel from time to time.

Tomorrow I start my new job.

FINALLY!!

I'm pretty excited about it. If I'm smart and play my cards right, I'll actually be able to start a savings again. I realized last night that in just a year or two from now, I could possibly be in the best financial shape I've ever been in. Once I get everything paid off/caught up, I'll be able to put a bunch of money away. It will be nice for a change. When I was married, I made great money but never appreciated it. I wasted a lot and we would spend on things that we really didn't need. That's not going to happen anymore. I'm going to start a savings and NOT TOUCH IT.

Anyways, I just wanted to check in before starting my new job tomorrow. Hope everyone is well.

Tad

[LoisB]

Have an awesome day tomorrow Tad!! :-)

[Wonka]

Way go go, Tad! A new job, new beginnings...you can finally kiss your cabbie job good-bye for good!

[AJM]

Heck yeah. Enjoy the new job, brother man!

For what it's worth, I think you handled her text well. I'm not surprised she texted you, even though she doesn't need to. And you not responding at first? Good step! Next time, don't respond at all. Why? Because it's her life (she'll tell you same) it interferes with your healing and because she'll keep doing it if she knows she'll get a response.

Like a pavlovian dog, you need to teach her how to treat you. That would be with silence while you live your life.

Awesome about the job. Hope you put some thought into the idea of forgiveness at some point. Beatrice and UR gave you some fantastic advice and perspective about forgiveness. Once you let go of the idea that forgiveness says that the hurtful actions were 'Ok' it changes everything.

I also agree that putting your life together is a great first step. Just know that timing of events in your life... they happen, dude. That's life. Accept that it was a lot to deal with and that you did and are. But it is how life is.

As the old saying goes, "God never gives us more than we can handle." Be glad He has that much confidence in you, Tad!

Go get 'em!

AJ

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone.

AJ....he must have tons of confidence in me man. Just sayin...

Need someone's opinion here.

Earlier this evening I was filing my 2013 taxes. (Yeah, I know I'm late.) I'm trying to get everything squared away so I can start making payments on all of the back taxes that I owe. My return was rejected because it turns out that XW claimed our youngest as a dependent. Can she do that? Is that legal? He lives with me and has lived with me since this all started in 2010. I just can't figure out why she would think that she can claim him. I'd be willing to bet that he didn't even spend a week with her during the year. Is she nuts or does she know something that I don't? I'm just wondering if it is even legal and can't for the life of me figure out why she would even think she has the right.

Anybody know anything about this?

Tad

[25yearsmlc]

it should be in your divorce decree, (holidays, child support, who claims whom as a dependent). If she paid you child support, she MAY have the right to claim THE PAYMENTS as deductions, which maybe is what you think she did, and or maybe caused her to think she could also claim him as a dependent.

Sometimes people think those two facts (child support deductibility and the child exemption) are the same.

Also, if you did not earn anything (2010??) she may have made certain assumptions about the value of the exemption (ie., how much would it save you if you were paying little to nothing?).

ALSO she may have used a CPA to file for her and doesn't know it was filled out that way, ASSUMING it's not okay for her to do it (and I"m not sure she can't).

So read the divorce agreement,

and if it's not clear to you OR if it says she cannot do that, then call your L.

TAD, Do NOT call her. That won't turn out well.

[25yearsmlc]

PS

It's not all about where he lives; it's also about who "supported" him >50% of the time.

If she paid all the bills for him, but he spent his custodial physical time with you, that's something we can hope is in the divorce papers

but it's NOT a bar to her claiming him. She may be able to.

But that's something you can either find in the D papers OR from your L.

No need to ask her.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks 25.

If she paid you child support, she MAY have the right to claim THE PAYMENTS as deductions, which maybe is what you think she did, and or maybe caused her to think she could also claim him as a dependent.

Papers say that I was to claim him for 2011 and 2012 since she did it for 2009 and 2010. It says nothing about 2013 because he turned 18 in 2012. She has not paid child support since 2012.

It's not all about where he lives; it's also about who "supported" him >50% of the time.

That would be me 25. She hardly spent any time or any money on him in 2013. She was way too busy getting married. I pay his share of the rent here and put food on his table.

I'm not even sure that I can claim him, but I'm pretty sure that she can't.

The divorce papers say nothing about claiming him for 2013.

This is the error message that I got from the IRS.

"R0000-507-01: Someone has already filed a return with the IRS this year using your dependent's Social Security number (SSN)."

I'm pretty sure she can not claim him, but I will double check.

I will not be calling her or texting her, but I will be in touch with someone from the IRS.

Thanks

Tad

[tadpole1025]

I'm back 25.

I thought about what you said and I think she did pay a little support in 2013 because he was still in school.

I've decided that....I'm just going to let it go.

It's not worth it. I don't need the stress or the stress that may come from communicating with her.

Not worth it at all.

I've got to concentrate on my new job and getting other aspects of my life in order.

Thanks.

Tad