Looking for inspiration

[mdu]

Prior thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2461919#Post2461919

[mdu]

So H and I seem to be on the very cusp of piecing. And it scares the Poop outta me. I'm trying to find a thread in the piecing forum that is successful. But it seems whenever I open a thread and read the signature the final line is: 'Separated again' or 'OW/M #2 discovered' or 'D final xx/xx/xx'

Anyone have links to successful piecing threads?? I want to get a realistic picture of what's sure to be a windy, bumpy road ahead. And most importantly, what WORKS.

[GoatGal]

mdu....


I am so happy for you!

Yeah....It is disheartening to read about all the "bad" outcomes, so I'm glad you're looking for some positive inspiration you can apply to your own sitch.

We're all pulling for you!

"Focus on what you DO want, NOT what you DON'T."

[RedHawk98]

I'm nowhere near this point, not sure if I ever will.
But I wish you both all the luck in the world.

I have pieced unmarried relationships back together, but what I failed in everytime, was resentment. I never cleared it out.
It's like ignoring that rust spot on the car and then wondering why you're driving like Fred Flintstone in a year's time.

[mdu]

I keep wondering how exactly piecing differs from DBing. My gut tells me that first and foremost it's very much the same in that I need to continue to focus on being the best ME I can be.

I can see how the resentment could kill piecing RedHawk. I do worry about that. I suspect H is worried about it. I also wonder if I can ever get back to respecting H.

[RedHawk98]

If you work out the respect thing, please let me know haha.
I lost a fair bit of that in my wife's eyes.

All I can say is to try and appreciate even the smallest things he does. Saying it to him would do wonders too. Us guys will travel miles when we know that we're appreciated.

[MrBond]

"piecing differs from DBing"

Not sure what you mean since Piecing is a part of DBing. The skills you learn DBing are for LIFE and go beyond just your M.

[Wonka]

MDU,

You might want to check out Bug's thread in piecing. She is a success story. Her screen name is labug. If you ask nicely, I think she'd be glad to help ya out!

[mdu]

MrBond, in reading through old threads with advice about piecing I've found advice like this, which is very explicitly different from DBing:

"The challenge about Piecing is (and I think credit goes to ol' Jack Three Beans on this one) that nearly the entire skillset that was required to DB (and especially if there was infidelity involved) . . . is not only NOT applicable in Piecing, it's actually nearly the OPPOSITE of what's called for!!!

"Filling their love bank" and "speaking their love language," while there is OM/OW contact, is "pursuing." When you're piecing, it's REQUIRED, and you gotta have the patience of Job with it. That's just one example -- there are many, many more.

In general, most people when dealing with affairs are too EASY; and when piecing are too HARDAZZ.

Starsky"

[MrBond]

That's all part of DBing. You did read the book right?

The thing is that when you start DBing you try to stop the negative reactions from your spouse and increase the positive ones. That's all part of it. You don't stop DBing. You keep the positives going.