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Drats!

I am thinking that your W is one of those kitty-kitten MLCers, T. This was shown in the note she left for you which was somewhat soft and apologetic. It seems to me that she needs more time and space to get her chit together.

Why would you want to file for a D? Perhaps a legal separation would suffice? What do you think, T?

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If you plan to still stand, STAND STILL, if D is filed let your W file it.


Last edited by 2BHappy; 06/26/14 02:31 PM. Reason: words

Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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T,

I agree with Job and Mach. Your story isnt over yet.

I also wonder why file? Not saying dont, just wondering what the rush is...

Two days ago you were ruminating about if it went the other way. If she wanted to come back. And i felt like that was your major focus. IMO, your focus should have been more what you want and need in a relationship and a partner. As well as what you can give. Without knowing that, its difficult to know what you are building or rebuilding.

That is something I would like to see you work on more. Because if someone comes into your life or your W changes her mind, you really need to be in a place that you know you really well.

You will be ok.



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
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I’m so sorry that your wife isn’t yet able to see all the greatness she is about to let slip away, T.

One day, maybe she will understand.

I also have no doubt you will continue to be a hero to so many of us on this board. Thinking of you during this difficult time my friend.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Dang it T2, you were my hero! Still are! You have 24 years together, I have 25. I so hoped that she would get some alone time and really see just what she is losing, what she is doing to not just you but the boys and HERSELF. I would wait to file. The last month she wasn't "really" on her own as she knew that it would end after a certain amount of time. That might have put pressure on her and she needs to be truly without a net to understand what she is going to lose. Who knows as we can't understand what they are thinking.

One thing I know from reading your posts is that YOU will be fine. Better than that, you will be great. At least you are with your boys and you will be there with them to help them through all this (and they help you as well!). Take some time before you do anything. Maybe she will feel able to talk and not just leave a note after a bit of time has past. Hear what she has to say, what she wants or thinks needs to happen. I'm praying for you, T2!

Last edited by Matt165; 06/26/14 04:20 PM.
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Thank you everyone.


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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T, I'm so sorry bud. Its a poor decision on her part. Know that you are a good man. Know that you have done the right thing. Know that life is good.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
-Oscar Wilde


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I agree with the others, T. She isn't done. She won't be for a long time most likely. But she isn't done with her own journey. Not much more to it than that, ya know?

The note indicates she knows that she is deciding (that's important) to walk away from a great guy. It is totally a reflection on her. You need to know that, T.

You also need to figure out if you're going to stand or not, my friend. In the scheme of things, this is just one data point.

I asked the question for the reason Mach mentioned - didn't want you to go through it in the heat of things. And to be sure you had a chance to clarify your feelings and thoughts before you were in a position to react. It was a good exercise and it's still valid if you choose to make it so.

I'm not saying you haven't been through He** and back. You have. But take the time to reflect on what you want and what you have learned.

Peace,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thanks again folks... smile

Been taking care of myself, amazing how fast I can cycle through the stages of grief anymore...lol. I was angry at the way she did this, but finally reminded myself and accepted that this was the best she could manage. Every other BD was done face-to-face, and she seemed really confident in her choices. This time not so much maybe, idk.

Been thinking a lot...here's what I am thinking right now, which is subject to change.

She has told me many times that she doesn't want to be married to me, or anyone for that matter. Time I really listened and let her go. I do love her, but maybe like with kids, comes a time when you have to let them go and discover their own path on their own.

Looking back through the M, and her family history, there is a lot of emotional/mental instability, which i know and accept would be part of any reconciliation. But have to or want to have in my life anymore until she resolves it.

The kids need/want this resolved, this limbo has been really hard on them and they are voicing it now. Maybe it's time for creating whatever the new normal is going to be.

As far as divorcing or SA...a SA in my state is just like a divorce, except you are still legally married. I don't see the point. And it would signal, perhaps, that I am still standing/waiting. She doesn't want me too.

And, I am tired. I feel confident that I did everything I could. Even MIL and 2 of her brothers said so when we talked.

It was so odd how she seemed to really be more herself, cleaning when she was here with the boys, buying a couple little things for the house, etc, they commented on it. After S1 and I got home from our backpack trip it "felt" really kinda normal...I guess that's why I was feeling that she wasn't done. Then last week she was barely here on her days, and total silence texting, phone, etc.

Anyway, those are my thoughts as of now, nothing finalized yet. processing.

smile


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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I like how you think, T. You got this!


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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