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Yes, this was a huge step in the right direction and I'm glad you thanked him for coming over and doing things around the home, especially w/your horse. Now that he's taken this step, who knows...he just might begin to come over more because he discovered it didn't kill him to do so and it was a "safe" environment for him.

Continue moving forward and enjoy the rest of your summer w/your children and doing the things that you love to do.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job. I hope your summer is going well too!


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
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My goal now is to lay low and not contact H. I will wait for him to reach out to me . I will continue to live my life. Dating, disastrous first date but at least I went...enjoying the rest of the summer with my kids. Time will tell what happens next.


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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Copied from: https://www.facebook.com/BraveGirlsClub


Dear Beautiful Girl,
What are you willing to let go of today? Life is so much about knowing what to hold on to, and what to let go of -- and having faith that it will all work out in the end.
Your heart and your gut know exactly what you need to let go of, even if your brain is giving you all sorts of reasons to clamp your fingers around it. There are seasons and times to have different things, relationships and situations in your life, and then the seasons change and it's time to let go of many of those things. Change is hard, but change is absolutely necessary.
We've all got to let go of old habits, old situations, old behaviors and sometimes even old relationships to make room for what is meant for the next part of our lives. If we just get quiet, get brave, and listen very closely, our hearts will tell us what to let go of. This doesn't mean it will be easy. It just means that it is what is meant for now.
You can do this.
Listen to your heart.
Be brave.
xoxo


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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I had a thought. It's just running in my head why H would shoe my horse. It's just something he never would do. Always a HUGE battle.He'd say you're never going to ride. He was right. I didn't make time.
When he asked for the list of things to do while on vacation I just threw that on. Never once complained or asked why..i even said 2-3 times don't worry. I'll take care of it..but kept insisting..
I'm not looking for an answer. I know it's impossible. Really just journaling because its such a 180 for him....maybe he's just trying to get me to co-operate with divorce??
I'm sure he didn't tell his GF but lucky for him since she lives 2.5 hrs away he doesn't have to since they hardly ever saw each other. I'm sure that's a huge bonus for him. I think it would be for me. Ha hs


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Accept him for who he is today and try not to "over" analyze anything he does. He's different now, so maybe he just went ahead and took care of your horse for you. I don't think there is any hidden agenda here w/what is going on in his mind right now.

No, I don't think divorce is on his mind right now and I wouldn't even think about this as a stepping stone of niceness to pave the way to one.

Let it go. Be sure to thank him for doing the things around your home for you. Again...accept him for who he is today.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Its been a while since I posted. H seems to want to be civil no matter what. A good thing. We went about 3 weeks getting along great the the sh*t hit the fan and we had an ugly day of fighting where I got the usual kind words like he hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. Then a few hours later he wanted to get along....I have been very stand offish since. Communication very short and about kids only....I'm really starting to not care about any of this bs any more.
We still haven't done anything about the divorce. During our fight he was going to leave town and tell the attorney just to stop. He later said he was just leaving because he was mad.
We have a court date on Aug 3...we'll see.
I also asked if he still was with his gf he said she's not his gf...hmmm I said you're not in love with her? I thought she was your soul mate and love of your life? H said yes I like her...really like her??? He said she live 3 hours away we don't see each other very often. She visits sometimes like 1x a month..
I'm not sure why he has been so nice last few weeks?? Although their relationship has always been this way. I guarantee she feels different..
I am at the point now I just want to get along for the kids..I don't see us getting back together this time...


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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No, she's not his gf because in his state of mind, she's nothing more than a fxxk buddy. Keep in mind, that he's still thinking like a young adult and he doesn't see their relationship for anything more than a friendship, not the true deep love that comes from a mature, committed relationship. So, what he's telling you is true in his mind.

The getting along and then having a day of arguing is typical and you aren't dealing w/an emotionally mature adult right now. He's going to get mad at things, and most likely silly things, and then stomp off and say he hates you, doesn't like you, i.e., like a kid.

Maybe he's being nice because he knows that the court date isn't far off. Maybe he senses that you are detaching and distancing yourself from him. Keep in mind, the more he senses you are distancing yourself from him, the more he's going to pursue you one way or the other.

I'm sorry things have been all over the place for you, but hopefully things will settle down after the court date. Keep the focus on you and your children and allow the man upstairs to work on your h.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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When say that "I don't see us getting back together this time" I mean because my feeling have changed. Plus I highly doubt he will.


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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NAP,
I understood what you were saying. It's difficult not to have your feelings change when a crisis comes along and your world is turned upside down. The longer the crisis goes on, the more the people change and sometimes, they go their separate ways. No matter what happens, you are a success story.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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