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So, I asked H if there were any applications I needed to send as he is getting the notifications now not me. He sent back a text saying thank you, but he will do them. Its not my responsibility. Then he sent me a text saying that he would take the trailer to the dump tomorrow. I said thank you, but its not your responsibility :-).
I said if you don't want me to do then that's fine. He said I just don't want you to feel you need to......I said if I didn't want to I would not offer. Idk I think he wants me to help but doesn't want to owe me??


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
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NAP,
Part of my W's MLC is a need she has to NOT need me. I would always save her when she was in trouble. I would always take over when she needed help. It really bothers her to "need" me! Maybe this is what your H is going through. He wants to be able to do things for himself. He wants to be independent, be the guy who takes care of himself (why he likes the OW blowing smoke). It doesn't bother him to help you but he bothers him to need your help. He's a young, capable guy! (In his mind) He doesn't need anything from the person who ruined his life and he has to get away from, right? I'm willing to bet it bugs him to no end that he needs your help doing the applications.

Be careful with this. You and I know you are doing it as a favor, because you want to. He may not like that you doing it for him because it bothers him that he needs the help. This is something I needed to learn about my W. The more she needed my help, the more she disliked me because of HER need.

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Matt,
I am sure you are right he does not want to need me. Because that's what he is running from, me!!! I'm sure it drives him crazy to need me and/or even want to talk to me.
This is not the first time he asked me to help and then didnt have me do it. Because he wants to be able to do it on his own.

The last thing he wants now is to know I am right about any thing. lol

On the other hand he wants me to need him!!
Even after I told him I didn't need him to take the trailer he said I don't mind dumping it for you. He has always offered to do things for me around the house or whatever and I keep telling him, thank you but I can do it. Guilt?
It's part of our co dependency problem.

I have contact with gf stbxh. He told me to tell my H Gf's car needs fixing. My H Said I'm not fixing her car. It's not my problem! The next week he took my car in to be fixed. I'm sure she wouldn't be too happy!?
I'm thinking the fantasy is wearing off not doing it for him anymore. More and more signs of this. However, she thinks they will be together forever..
Doesn't mean he won't find someone new though....
For the most part now I don't see H or try to talk very little in the past month, like I said in prior post. I'm trying to keep it this way for now. When he calls I always try to hang up first.


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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My kids and I have spent the last week on the coast having a great time..back to reality tomorrow.


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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Back home and my H said he is coming over tomorrow to put shoes on my horse. He is a semi retired Farrier.
I told him that he does not have to do my horse or take the garbage. I will have it done. But he is insisting on doing it.
Now this is the man for 20 years I've been fighting, bagging, pleading, offering $, sex. You get the idea. He hated doing our horses.He suffered with a bad back frim shoeing. I get it but only the last 10 years. He just did not like doing ours. This is the reason of career change.

I don't get now why does he is want to do these thing? We've ben separated 9 months. He mention in the beginning that he would do things around the house. But that didn't happen due to fighting not getting along and whatever else. We still don't get along great for civil. a lot of eggs shell walking.
I guess this is just part of the process? But strange to me.... during all this he will mention getting a divorce then like is just a part of a conversation.

I just agree with whatever he talks about. ..


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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He came and took me to drop off rental car and shoe my horse.
The kids were around tje whole time. Just like when we were married. I love my kids but I do blame for part of our problems over having kids. My daughter is always between the two of us. Jealously? ? Our fault for allowing it!! One reason we didnt have a lot of alone time.
H does talk but when I start conversation and very little eye contact. When we talk it's usually one word answers but then every once in awhile it's like he forgets and keep talking.
Never ask about me. But that is how its always been...so nothing new. He is now off to work 3 days straight.
Back Tuesday to check and see if kids did chores and go to dump...


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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For the record. I don't see this as him wanting to return. He is also still heavily involved in his relationship with his gf. As much as you can be texting and talking ??


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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job Offline
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I agree...he's not to the point of wanting to return...but he still needs that connection to know that you and the "routine" are still there.

I'm glad he came over and did some things around the home. At least it shows that he feels comfortable in doing them, even w/the children around.

Keep the focus on you for a while.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job. Yes, I am. And I better ride my horse everyday and wear those shoes down so he sees I'm riding... I make sure I never bring up gf as well.


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
As far as the kids I think in his mind he is doing it for them..except he knows the horse is for me. Regardless of what he thinks its a HUGE deal he did it. He'd rather cut off his arm for sure and it was a MAJOR issue and faught about it whenever needed.

Its been months since he's actually gotten out of his truck and he actually came in the house!!
I will continue living MY life and enjoy my kids ❤
I also thanked him again and said how much it meant to me he did this for me...


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
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