NAP, Yes, that's generally the way MLC works. When they aren't happy and are questioned about something they did or are doing, they push for the divorce. When they are left alone to do whatever and not be questioned, then the word "divorce" is not mentioned.
If he's paying the lawyer, then she should be doing what he's requested...getting a divorce. Yes, she's doing her job by advising him of what he can do or get, but if he opts not to pursue those things, then she should be doing what he's asked her to do. Yes, she's a sleazy one who knows a MLCer when she sees one and that means "money" to her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I guess. We have had it all done prior to going to her. We didid it all online and he took it to her when he got mad a year ago when I didn't want to finish. from day one it has been nothing that he asked for. Yes I guess she can see he will do anything or say anything to get a divorce and she just keeps playing the game. yes I can tell he only ever brings up the divorce when he is pushed or mad at me. Why is that I wonder they really don't want a divorce? He seemed so adamant about it and being with ow. even when we go weeks with getting along there is no inkling that he ever wants to be together again. last time this happened I could always tell the door was partly open. He would say to me I'm not ready for this or I'm not ready for that. Even though he said he didn't want to get back together ever. I'm just curious. and its funny how he always says he wants to get along and be friends. Although his friends means just having a conversation about the kids. not much else. He will talk about himself, like his job or whatever, if I ask but never about me. actually that's not true. when getting along he will ask the kids if I have a boyfriend. I guess in his mind if I have a boyfriend I am happier and get along with him? I don't know. The funny thing is the kids always tell him yes I have a boyfriend lol
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
This is my personal opinion from where I'm sitting:
1) not getting a divorce means he has an excuse to not marry the ow if she puts pressure on him to wed; 2) not getting a divorce means that he's not sure what he wants and you are right where he left you just in case he needs a Plan B; 3) He figures that if you are still there, then somewhere deep inside of him knows that the connection isn't broken and he can still rely on you to listen, validate and be there as a friend; and 4) He knows that if you divorce, there is a very good chance that you will meet someone new and just maybe remarry. BTW, they do have this quirky little thought process that even though they do not want to be w/you right now, they still don't want anyone else to have you either.
They are very selfish individuals and do not want to see us happy even though they say they do. As for friendship...it is usually one sided...their side.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Pretty much nailed him. Scary how they all seem to be wired in the brain the same. I'm guessing that if I start acting nice again do what he wants he'll just drop this thing again. But I want it over.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I'm sure that if you were nice and didn't mention it to him, it would be swept under the rug again. If you are absolutely sure that you want it over and done w/then maybe it's time to move forward w/the divorce. Of course, you will have history w/him from the past, but also he's going around in the present and future because of sharing children.
Whatever you decide to do, we will support you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job. And I agree to all of the above.I think because of out last history with this does make it more complicated. Although it is seemingly different than before, it seems more permanent this time. Although he does seem to want to have some sort of relationship with me. Not physical or even emotional just a friendship type in his own way. And yes it is always one sided. He texted me today after not hearing from him for a few days and I can tell he wants to get along and be friendly. That's always what happens after we have an argument or disagreement. So we agreed to try to get along again... It's a vicious cycle and nothing ever comes of it. So I've decided to just disconnect from him as much as I can not answer his text and he can go through the kids to plan things. I can't wait around any longer to see what happens. I'm going to keep working and taking care of my kids and living my life without him. Then if something happens someday I'll take it from there. I will wait to contact his attorney next week and see if he really met with her. He doesn't not expect me to do anything to move the divorce forward. He thinks that I don't want to divorce and I won't do it myself. He's in for a shock!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Well guess who's back being nice and texting. About kids and thing like weather but Mr Friendly. My vicious cycle! I'm keeping it short and ignoring non kids talk.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
He's so predictable! I think you've got the right idea about keeping things short and ignoring non kids talk. BTW, he'll figure out what you are doing and every communication will be about the kids.
You earned your wings and halo a long time ago!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That he is! Thanks Job! by the way my girlfriend and I went to a tarot card reader for the first time. she's going through the same thing I am but she's 3 years and I'm 20 years. Our ex's were good friends and I swear clones of each other lol her gal told her that she will find a new man and not want to get back with her ex. Mine told me that my ex's OW has a hold on him but he would come back. He doesn't love her..Ha ha. it was a little freaky I've never been to one and I said very few words and there were several things that she was right on about. I never said he had a girlfriend and she asked me if she was Hispanic? What she is and she said she has wanted him since they were very young. true they were boyfriend and girlfriend in 5th grade :-). she told me I had 3 kids I told her 3 times I had to she said no you have 3. I was pregnant with triplets and lost one so she was right and I forgot. Kind of crazy. anyway back to reality lol
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
