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Hi Exquisite,
This is exactly what we all our facing with our MLC S's. They would rather see US as the "problem" then face the fact that they are the damaged one's. No other person or thing can "make" another "happy". My W has suffered from low self esteem for years. Now she thinks that by changing the past, dumping her 'old" life and being "In control" of her life (she never was out of control) she will find the elusive "happiness". No "thing" outside of herself can bring this. No OP, no job, no house, no "new" friends. Only by looking inside and coming to terms with what is missing inside can any of the MLCers find what they seek. How long it takes will depend on how many different "things" they have to try on before they realize this.

They are in so much pain they forget that they EVER felt differently about us and our R's. This is why it's so common the hear "I never really loved you" when we know this isn't true. They really believe this as it explains how they aren't the problem, WE are. Until they can finally see that once we are out of their lives and they still feel the same no matter what other changes they make (OP, new job, new home, new personality, etc.) can they hope to start seeing the truth. Some may pretend forever. Some will be too "proud" to admit they were wrong. But those that do that will never really find happiness or peace. Others may come to realize but too late to matter to the LBS who has moved on. A few lucky ones will realize in time before they destroy their old lives completely. All we can do is move ahead and be the best we can be. Mourn the loss of the person they used to be and maybe leave a small opening just in case they find the truth in time. Now, if the truth is the MLC was ALWAYS damaged from the start. That is different. This may be what some LBS's come to realize. That this isn't a "crisis", but who they always were but now have grown tired of the R and want to move on to abusing a new person. If that is the case, the LBS is lucky to be rid of them! This is part of the work we need to do on ourselves.

Just my thoughts, for what they are worth. Didn't mean to hijack, MM.

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Mm, the settlement of you being a business partner is a process. It won't happen tomorrow you need to start that snowball happening and moving. L take forever.

Unless he's going to agree 100% and just sign a document, this will go back and forth for some weeks and maybe months. I doubt he will agree and as you have said he's stalling you because if he agrees to business partnership he looses free labour and actually has to part with $.

He knows mm us not going to demand what is hers.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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Hi Ggrass... We already mediated out 90% of our agreement back in February, etc.

Its just a matter of the final minor details which may change depending on if he is able to purchase this property or not.

He keeps informing me of the "jerry springer" situation of purchasing this location..its crazy and stressful. The original owner of the property is an unreliable crack head, thus making things very difficult for him to know the truth. Apparently this place will be foreclosed...but who knows!

He keeps pleading to me "but, I really want this place MM!!"

.... so I wait (for his deal to be complete). I may bring it up later today suggesting that we could still proceed with our deal, while his is delayed now.

He continues to be stressed & not GAL. He stayed in again on Saturday night, texting to my daughter how he was going to watch a movie. Today, he asked me to reply to a party invitation on his behalf, saying that he would go to our friends party... (end of July), but he really isn't in the mood. <<< makes no sense! this is coming from a guy who is constantly complaining how lonely he is & wants to enjoy life!! .... His MLC & RE deal keeps him spinning & keeps him up at night. I feel sorry for him.

My weekend: busy with friends as usual! Lunch date with DD yesterday.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
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Hi MM,
I don't know all the details but to me it sounds like this RE deal is a big part of the business that you want to be 50% owner of (or 49%, not sure)and to me, I would think it affects you as much as him. At least money and the future of the business wise. If you are a 'partner" shouldn't you be a part of deciding if the business should buy this property? Buying from a "crack head" seems risky to me. It may be the property HE wants but if you can't be sure the seller is being honest it may be time to look at another. Is this property for the business or for him? If it's more for him, how would it affect the business if something bad happened and he lost a lot money due to the seller being a crack head? Would the money come out of HIS pocket or would the business (and if you are a partner, that includes you!)take the loss making the business worth a lot less and causing YOU a big liability?

Don't let the personal stuff get in the way of the business stuff. Think of him now as just a business partner and would you want a partner of yours to do something that puts the business at risk? MLCers are very bad at thinking things through correctly. They tend to do things that don't make sense because it's what they "want" at the moment. They don't think about people that they have loved for decades, how do you think they feel about someone who is "just" a business partner (and that is all you are in his mind, at least for now).

I guess what I'm getting at is make sure his actions don't only hurt you personally but also hurt you by hurting the business you helped build because he has poor judgement.

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Quote:
Today, he asked me to reply to a party invitation on his behalf, saying that he would go to our friends party...


He's a big boy, why can't he respond to his own invitations? Besides, this is clearly where you can divide personal life from business. This is personal.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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