prayers please

[twinmom]

25, your right it doesn't feel good. I feel horrible right now. Lonely, sad and just hurting. I do things because mentally I know it is the right thing to do but emotionally I hate it.

I want nothing more than to bury myself in his arms and make the pain go away (for the moment)

I will keep going because I know it's what I have to do.

[twinmom]

H is taking the day off work Thursday to take the twins to the zoo with his parents. He invited me to come with.
God I want to go so badly, (love taking the kids these kind of places)
It's killing me to stay home alone with Lilly :-(

[owl777]

Twin:
Thank God and praise Him for your blessings. When things slow down for you, GAL and don't stop the divorce process girlie. I ditto Figgeroni. Wow. Many of us know that these S (H & W) have many of the situations and you need to focus on healing yourself and be the best parent you can be. You can't depend on that H of yours. When he crashes he may not be able to be there for any of you and you will be the one holding the F together. In the meantime, accept his help, if little or not, and plan on being a mother and a great friend to other women/moms you should find out there to relate with when you don't have the children and you do have the children. You need a strong support group. Not just us DBing bloggers.

[25yearsmlc]

H is taking the day off work Thursday to take the twins to the zoo with his parents. He invited me to come with.
God I want to go so badly, (love taking the kids these kind of places)
It's killing me to stay home alone with Lilly :-(

You sure about the fantasy you are creating here? You are post partum, you want to bring a NEWBORN to the zoo? With the twins...? Hmmm...yeah I'm not sure you are being realistic

And if your plan was to have a babysitter, I have to say that leaving the baby at home the first month often is harder than we expect...we call every hour, we feel distracted and we are TIRED...God, I think you're brilliant to stay home with Lilly.

When I think back on how I felt when I had our children, it gets fuzzy b/c of extreme sleep deprivation, and feeling some physical pain too.

If I were you, and if I could, I'd want a baby sitter AND then

I'd take a 1) bath, AND OR 2) a Nap... or maybe get a massage/your hair done.

Just shaving my legs was a real effort that first month..

Give that some thought and adapt to whatever breaks you may get. Take them!

[twinmom]

We took the twins to Day out with Thomas last Friday. When the twins were born I think they were 5 or 6 days old when they visited Navy Pier children's museum with their brothers.....
I just put the baby (or babies) in a Moby wrap and go. I can nurse while they are wrapped so it's no big deal.








quote=25yearsmlc]

H is taking the day off work Thursday to take the twins to the zoo with his parents. He invited me to come with.
God I want to go so badly, (love taking the kids these kind of places)
It's killing me to stay home alone with Lilly :-(

You sure about the fantasy you are creating here? You are post partum, you want to bring a NEWBORN to the zoo? With the twins...? Hmmm...yeah I'm not sure you are being realistic

And if your plan was to have a babysitter, I have to say that leaving the baby at home the first month often is harder than we expect...we call every hour, we feel distracted and we are TIRED...God, I think you're brilliant to stay home with Lilly.

When I think back on how I felt when I had our children, it gets fuzzy b/c of extreme sleep deprivation, and feeling some physical pain too.

If I were you, and if I could, I'd want a baby sitter AND then

I'd take a 1) bath, AND OR 2) a Nap... or maybe get a massage/your hair done.

Just shaving my legs was a real effort that first month..

Give that some thought and adapt to whatever breaks you may get. Take them! [/quote]

[25yearsmlc]

"no big deal"? Okay, so you're a Super mom, and or some sort of Frontierswoman.

I still say, try to be gentle with yourself.

You don't really NEED to do things like take a newborn to, well, actually, to anywhere at this point.

I'm also suggesting that you not create expectations of yourself (or fantasize about things based on hope alone),

b/c I think you're setting yourself up for a fall. And I relate to that.

Just so you know, when I was in law school, it was hard, AND in my last year, I began working on Capitol Hill. Then I learned we were expecting our first child,
(5+ years before we "planned".)

I worked as hard as I could before the baby because I "heard they take up energy"...

I had to take a subway really far into the city and even in the winter, and walk some icy streets. Then I began the bar review course at night, and of course, I* was still in law school with a full schedule, which most married people did NOT do. I was also job hunting. That got a tad harder when I began to show...

My "plan" was to finish law school in May,
have the baby in June,
take the bar exam in July and
start my new job in August.

My h was so proud of me, he told everyone the "Schedule"...and it sounded great to ME too...

I was a fool. Why did I set myself up that way?

By April I was so exhausted that I'd fall asleep by 8pm, and I could NOT study for all my classes. So I failed an exam and could not graduate on time (too few credits).

I was so floored, embarrassed and so very sad! But I was also resilient and

my favorite law professor said the most helpful things:

"So You'll finish law school in December (6 months less of being a lawyer) and then do the rest, so that means the first 9 months of your baby's life, you will be at home with your new baby.

What a blessing that was, forcing me to SLOW DOWN.

But I was a slow learner! I repeated this type of insane schedule for my 2nd pregnancy...working full time in the military as a JAG Corps officer, (oops, there's a war! Let's turn our lives upside down...)

and my h was in medical school, with unrelenting hours, and so I kept going full time with a trial schedule and a baby at home and one on the way...

I ruptured a disc in my lower back, pregnant, so no surgery was authorized for me until after the baby and it hurt a lot...it also sidelined me except at work b/c of course, I KEPT WORKING...so then I got pneumonia. Then I went into premature labor and was hospitalized for the pneumonia and the premature labor was medically delayed... and my OB/GYN said the most insightful thing...

"not sure why you think you have to have it all, at the same time, but this is your body's way of telling you to STOP! Go take care of your body, & baby, or you may literally kill yourself" --

We do this trying to live up to some belief, like that commercial where the great looking woman is sexy & brilliant and earns a big salary, walking in her pretty home with her brief case --she's wearing heels and perfect make up, with a TIGHT but somehow professional looking suit, with long wavy hair)

(Insert music from 1980s commercial)

"she's cooking up the bacon, frying it up in the pan,

never letting HIM forget he's a MAN... because she's a woman, W-O-M-A-N!!!"

I tried to play Superwoman. It worked for some years, but gosh I was tired. And frankly, I found it very unrewarding...at times downright unhealthy.

Sometimes I think we women (and society??) overcompensated for women being held back in previous generations, like my mom's.

In your case Twinmom, all I can think is that your h demands so much attention from a woman (and sadly, maybe, from any woman...)

that the more you take on by yourself, the less likely you'll have time to focus JUST on him, 100%.

NO I AM NOT blaming you for ANY of his choices...because he's selfish and deceitful and btw, this is a pattern for him...and while

WE all "get" that -- babies need more attention than grown men... I fear that

your h does not.


PLEASE Delegate -and Be so very kind and gentle ---- to YOU.

You and your babies deserve that.

[kml]

And just FYI from a medical standpoint -

If a newborn under 2 mos of age gets a fever - even a little one - they need a spinal tap and a whole sepsis workup. An argument can be made for NOT exposing your newborn to too many people until they're safely past that 2 month point, to minimize the risk that they'll have to undergo a spinal tap for a garden-variety cold.

[twinmom]

25 I think your right. My h loves the attention and the more I try and do on my own the less energy I have for him. Right now I guess I am not supposed to be giving him ANY attention.

I told him this morning that he needs to move out, that I can't do this roommate thing. In an email later this afternoon I explained myself a little better and ended it by saying IF he decided he wanted our marriage that we could discuss that later but that I was worth more than being plan B.

[twinmom]

And just FYI from a medical standpoint -

If a newborn under 2 mos of age gets a fever - even a little one - they need a spinal tap and a whole sepsis workup. An argument can be made for NOT exposing your newborn to too many people until they're safely past that 2 month point, to minimize the risk that they'll have to undergo a spinal tap for a garden-variety cold.

Not saying there isn't a risk but have you ever seen or used a Moby wrap? The baby is wrapped so close to you, head facing your chest they aren't "exposed" to anyone else. I nurse in the wrap and changed her diaper in the car. She is exposed to more germs at the Dr office when I take her for well baby visits.

[twinmom]

So I have now asked h to move out 3 times and he ignores me.. He acknowledgs what I am saying to him but then acts like I never said anything.

Legally I can't make him leave, do I let out go or get more confrontational about it and basically not stop till he leaves?