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#2459807 06/12/14 03:55 PM
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TL72* Offline OP
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“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”
This is my new #3 thread.

here is my old thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2459800&page=1


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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Thanks for the great reply TL. No, fortunately in Texas only one spouse needs to go to final court hearing, so I do NOT plan to go (even though H will be going with MY cousin the attorney). I'll try to keep it just like any other day. Maybe I'll ask a few friends out for a drink like you did, which is a perfect idea.

hugs to you and a toast to your refi application being behind you!

cczamo


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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TL72* Offline OP
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Thanks cczamo smile wow your stbx chose your cousin for an attorney? eek.

My exh left a cryptic voicemail a couple hours ago, it was very angry sounding and it said "do what you gotta do so I can sign the house over to you" and then hung up. It instantly riled me up in my stomach, he still has that affect on me for some reason, I guess old habits die hard, I just remember the anger very well. I was thinking to myself "wth" trying to figure out why he's angry or whatever, just a habit. I was not going to call him back so I emailed him and said "I submitted the refi application last night, it takes 30 days. I have a year to do it, is there a problem?" mostly i didn't like his tone with me, it's on me though taking it that way. I wanted to respond and not react. He responded to my email with "I have to leave". and that's it. To me that makes me think that something happened to anger him and that he has to "leave" makes me think he may have lost his job. That was the only thing keeping him here. I responded with "ok" and that was that. I don't think I need him to sign anything on the refi anyway, it's in the papers and the loan will be just in my name but i'll find out shortly. Not my problem anymore. He makes his own choices and has to deal with them on his own - I found it funny how I automatically thought that I did something wrong to anger him. That's the old co-dependent people pleaser in me. I'm acknowledging it, self correcting, moving on.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,103
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Don't sweat it TL, I get the same way. When I told my stbxW that the people at the phone store couldn't do what she wanted she got so very angry AT ME! When the cost for having my D18 and me on the same plan was more than she had been told she got angry at ME saying that I MUST have gotten it wrong and I found myself getting upset and starting to want to defend myself and stop her from being angry at me! Why do we do that? I've been trying so hard to please her for so long I guess it's just habit!

Keep going as you have, TL. You got this!!

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Hi TL. I just want to let you know I will have you and your mom in my prayers tonight. Is she doing any better? Are you okay?

Read about your re-fi - good going!! But you will most likely have to get your husbands signature on an Interspousal Transfer Deed to take his name off the title (I assume you were both on it), and he'll probably have to sign something for the lending company to acknowledge the change in the loan, or to acknowledge the pay-off amount to the original lender. I had to do that in April. So I think you might have to see him again at the re-fi 'party.' And don't worry about the mortgage payment - if you find you can't afford it or it takes too much money away that you would like to save or spend in other ways, then sell the house. At least all the equity will be yours and it will repay the half you may have had to pay him for the house in the divorce. Do you have equity in it already? Did you pay him his half in the divorce?

LOVE your opening line about the three things you can't cover up for long . . . very good!


Me 59 H47
M12 T22
No kids
BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY
Filed 2/12/14
OW 11/13
The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
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TL72, yes!! my H DID choose my cousin as he did not personally know another atty. We are not getting separate attorneys as we never co-mingled our separate property-only the house, and I bought him out at end of March. As a CPA i know what I'm doing. I insisted on a prenup (which angered him at the time, but now is to his advantage).

Your exH possibly losing his job (if thats indeed what happened) is not rare in the MLCer. In fact, i've read on these forums a former MLC'r FavoriteWierdo said losing his job probably triggered him to start moving OUT of his MLC and refocus more on his W, ButterflyMom. They eventually reconciled, I believe.
Would you be prepared if something like that were to happen with your exH?

My own stbXH mentioned last week that he might be joining me on Cobra because layoffs might be coming at his employer, and he could be one of them. In past few months he has been so angry at world that he has even been angry at his work, mentioning that he would not mind being laid off or fired. He's acting out on yet another of the 4 pillars of MLC: changing their home, their M relationship, their body, and their career. My H has all 4.

Last edited by cczamo; 06/13/14 07:39 PM.

M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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Posts: 110
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I will also be praying for you and your Mom. Is she long distance away?


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 342
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TL72* Offline OP
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Thanks Matt, TBoned and cczamo for responding.
My mother is in liver failure, I was hoping she would regain more lucidity but she's in and out. I don't think she has much time left.I've been driving to the hospital every day to spend some time with her but mostly she's sleeping. I'm having a rather sh*tty 2014 so far but not going to let that get me down. My appraisal is tomorrow for the refi. Closing date is July 12, can't wait to have that over. With the refi I will save 300/month, I was able to make the payment now but not able to do much else, now with that cushion if an emergency arises I can handle it better or be able to buy a new pair of pants if I need it. It's been a struggle but I've been making it, I have a lot of pets to take care of too lol but I love 'em. Thanks for the heads up tboned on the exspouse maybe having to sign, I really haven't been told yet, filled out title paperwork today and it said they could remove a name and if it was for divorce just include the paperwork with the property settlement. He walked away from the house completely, he did not ask for any of the equity, so it will be all mine and I'm thrilled about that now. cczamo you asked about my view on the whole "if" he were to start to come out of mlc now that he's possibly lost his job, well that occurred to me, I've read all those posts too, and I was wondering if he'd hit his rock bottom and ask to move in the basement or something like that, so far I have not heard a word. He doesn't know about any of my personal business and I'm just going to keep it that way. I definitely let go of the rope and have moved on. Now that I can "see" clearly I can live without that treatment. I finally figured out that I deserve better. I'm done being a doormat and a people pleaser. I didn't even realize I was doing it for all those years. So he did me a favor, opened my eyes. Matt what you said about your w getting mad at you - yep i know that one all too well, and I was always trying to "fix" things to please him. Never realized I could not fix him, I didn't break him. I'm over it. I'm really enjoying accomplishing things on my own, and also being taken out on real dates where i'm treated so much better, it's almost alien to me but I love it.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 180
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 180
Just wanted to check on you and your mom's situation. How is she doing? How are you doing?


Me 59 H47
M12 T22
No kids
BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY
Filed 2/12/14
OW 11/13
The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
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Sending you a hug, TL:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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