Hi all - "was never in love"

[Old Dog]

Just checking in Mat. I'll replay tonight when I've some time. You can't beat a greasy spoon though :-)

[Mat]

Cheers od

[Old Dog]

In my own case, my parents didn’t seem to display much outward affection. They did love each other: there weren’t any huge rows or anything like that, it was just the British reserve. We don’t do that sort of thing, we’re British: passion is for those hot headed latino types. So that means I grew up thinking that was normal. Any excessive display of affection felt awkward. This isn’t an excuse, it’s just the way it was.

I’m going back over D with a pencil and a notepad. Mine is a second-hand copy where someone has already marked out passages: I hope it worked for them. I am writing so much stuff down these days, I’ve got loads of pieces of paper with SWOTs and goals and hang-ups etc on them. It would be nice if I could get them into some sort of shape so I can be prepared because my W can do this in her head. I love the way you've approached this and got on with it. Procrastination be gone.

I do need to re-examine short term goals and 180s though. I have some of both and have already been doing both, but it’s a bit haphazard. I’ll see if I can sort them out by Wednesday when I’ve got my next appointment with my counsellor and I’ll post them on my thread.

I have been getting a little bit more of a life recently - I couldn’t really have done much less before. Your schedule looks quite active looking at it though Mat. If you’re enjoying doing those things, then that’s fine, it is part of your life: if not, then change up. Don’t assume your ‘half-ass things’ are unappreciated though. It may be the case if you didn’t do it, no-one would. I wish I could go to more gigs, I used to go to lots, but there ain’t much where I am.

I’m making an effort to meet up with friends again, it’s so easy to let it slide: Facebook is a real plus for this. I had a quick look at meetup.com as well: I was primarily looking for tech groups in my area, but also maybe mindfulness group. Like dating sites, I think it’s frowned upon to maybe use them, but I’ve over that mentality now: they’re useful tools.

I’ll have to my goals etc on my thread. Pop over in a while to see if I’ve managed it.

Just read your top 4 reasons why your fighting for your W. We could be talking about my W here. They’re definitely worth fighting for.

[Mat]

Thanks for sharing this I'll support you as well.

Changing things up might work - and to be fair, I have a lot of TV watching time that I can be reinvesting somewhere. Tonight I went to a kickboxing class in my neighbourhood. It's pretty good, and close by so I'll stick with that. Another change I can make is to get more hands on with the volunteering - my W is used to be hearing me complain about them and their lack of professionalism when it comes to financial management. I'll go in with renewed energy and a more positive attitude. Also glad to hear that in spite of pandemonium in the financial industry, I seem to have done well in my job this past half-year according to the review I had with my boss today. Improvement points are all very attainable. So I'll be thankful this is going pretty well for now.

Going to run my goals by my coach. I also need to think of the circular patterns; things I do that make her do X to which I react and make the whole cycle worse. These sessions aren't that cheap, though the £ is doing nicely right now!

Will let you know how I do, let me know when you've posted your goals.

[Old Dog]

Good for you Mat. I'm busy writing down what my W means to me and some 180s offline at the moment, though I do have some Tour de France to catch up on: I have to do that as it is one of my passions.

[bashy]

Heh Mat. I know the feeling my friend. Too much TV time for myself which I could be reinvesting elsewhere. My poor money management skills don't help leaving me at the end of the month stuck at home but I suppose you can do a lot of things (like volunteering) which don't cost anything.

Oh, and great news about doing well at work... keep it going bud!

[Anders]

Sounds like you have a good plan Mat and great to hear you have a DB coach to guide you.

TV watching has also been my bane and an easy distraction.

[Mat]

Well,

All the DB stuff is starting to be more and more theoretical. My W seems to be perfectly content not to have any contact back. It's been a week, not a peep.

Getting harder to think about 180s. Truth is, I was happy with my own life before, I get out and about, I'm involved in the community. My 180s were all about how I interact with people. I'll keep trying, but I'm running out of people to practice on.

DB Coach advised me to perhaps reach out, perhaps write a letter apologising for how I fell short, or perhaps not, or reach out, or not...

If DB is a long cross-country drive, then I guess I'm crossing the great plains now. Not much to report, and not sure how to not go crazy with boredom.

Going to kickboxing later today. Whoo-hoo. Getting a life is nothing new though I've signed up for so much crap over the years.

I really don't know what I'm supposed to do that I'm not doing?

[Ggrass]

Mines not reached out in months. Actually if I'm honest except to blow sand in my face, he does not contact. Period. He is stubborn and has yet to admitt responsibility for anything he's ever done.

It's for you to be the better person regardless.

[sandi2]

Hey Matt, what's up?