Barrybran - [Insert Original Thread Title Here]

[pilot]

Sounds like you are making progress and seem to have a pretty good handle on your actions. Keep it up.

[Ggrass]

Good stuff Barry. It does look very positive.

[Lostforwords]

Keep being the changes you want to see in the world B....:)

[mdu]

Nice Barry, you're a total pro at this!

[Barrybran]

Maybe one day, mdu. I'm fortunate enough to have had some good, patient people working with me and an amazing wife who had the courage to stand up for herself and call me out on my sh!t. I still have a long road ahead

[Barrybran]

Ahhh, tax time. What better way to be reminded that you have no idea what the hell is happening with your relationship. My wife has started to gather information for her taxes and with it has come the questions about how we declare our relationship. I have no clue. As far as I'm concerned, we're separated, there's no time limit on it but it's not forever so I'm happy to keep all of our affairs as they are. My feeling is that why change everything now and then have to do it again in 12-24 months time. Of course, there is no guarantee that we'll reconcile and changing info back may be a non-issue but it's a nice little curveball nonetheless.

My plan is to work out our taxes based on both situations, separated and married. I don't know that we'll be affected either way and my wife will have an opportunity to see both scenarios and make her own decision. She did ask me how we go about it and honestly, I don't think it's something I can help her with other than what I stated above. I'll roll with the punches, lodge my return when I can and get on with life.

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

Just an update here. It's been a pretty big week here. Massive actually. Things had been progressing steadily and my family have been spending most of our time together in the main living area rather than in separate rooms. Still doing our own thing, in particular, me doing my uni work, but together nonetheless. We've still been sleeping in separate rooms and intimacy had been still eluding us.

On Tuesday, my wife and I headed out of town to see our solicitor after more unsavoury behaviour from D4's bio-Dad's wife. What started as talking about babies and popping into a transportable home manufacturer's site before our solicitor appointment turned into a phone call later in the day to find out my wife's company had gone into administration and she'd be out of a job in 8-10 weeks, followed by popping into real estate agents and looking through that town's local paper for jobs in the area.

My wife has worked so hard to get her store to the place that it is and recently she achieved a number 4 ranking in the entire company of sales compared to costs. Not bad for a town of only a few thousand people. Needless to say, she's devastated and her mind has been in a spin. It has galvanised us though and she's been talking in terms of "we" and "us" with regards to the next step and the baby and house talks are still present. Pet names have reappeared in spurts and we've spent a LOT of time talking about where we go from here in terms of jobs, location, etc but not talking about our relationship directly. Twice, she's asked me to join her in her bed and I've joined her once and missed her message the other time. She's also not shied away from me touching her though she hasn't gone out of her way to touch me herself other than when she wanted comforting in bed.

The past few days have been tough on her and I've tried to keep things light and positive and asked questions about what she wants to do, where she wants to go, etc. There may be a major job opportunity in our town which would be a massive bonus for her and us if she were to get it. She's spoken to the store manager already and he's discussed the position with her privately and advised her on the path to follow. Not only would the job keep us in town, it would improve our her/our financial position significantly and take a lot of pressure off, especially since the legal fees as well as making arrangements to go to my brother's wedding next February have hit us hard.

Since her meeting with her potential new boss yesterday, she's been more upbeat and the thoughts she's expressed to me about her plans have been more positive. She's told me she wants to be "up the duff" (pregnant) by the end of next year and we found two boxes of pregnancy tests in the back dock of her store and I jokingly told her to put them on our pile of stuff to buy so she did.

I did inadvertently put my foot in it last night by talking about our options (stay in town living off my wage or move out of town and both of us find new jobs) with family when they visited last night. My wife was concerned about their reaction though I don't recall her explicitly asking me not to talk about anything other than the potential job she has lined up. Moving away has been a touchy subject and I've pulled no punches this time as feeding our family comes first. As it turned out, my wife would have preferred I hadn't mentioned any of it so I'll take that into account moving forward.

On my side of the street, my boss has juggled a family on one income so she understands my predicament (get more hours or find a job out of town). As I've been employed to take over from her, if I leave, my boss will have to stay in town she she has offered me more hours in order to support my family, which I appreciate.

So it's been a fairly stressful week here and it's not about to end anytime soon. My wife has been told her store will be closing in four weeks so she will be working most-to-every day until the store closes so I will be working my own hours, keeping up with my uni study and manning the fort at home with the kids and cleaning until things start to clear up a bit.

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

Some good things are happening for my wife and I'd love to share it but I feel Facebook isn't the place for it just yet. Last week, my wife was told her store was closing thereby making her redundant. My wife and her staff have done an amazing job promoting sales in the past week that they have obliterated all other stores in the company and their reward is that their store closure will come forward by one week, reducing their potential incomes by one week's wages. Her area manager is coming to town next week and her gut feeling is that her store closure will come forward another week meaning two weeks of lost wages.

That's the bad news. The good news is all the other stuff that is happening. My wife has a strong resume and has an amazing personality. She is also very popular in our town which has been instrumental in drumming up her recent sales as well as the opportunities that have started to present themselves. My wife is being considered for three different jobs and is still waiting a response about another three that she has submitted her resume for.

Two of the jobs are in our town. Our preference is to stay here and it is appearing as though that may happen. Her preferred job is next door to her current one for a major supermarket chain. Her pay would increase by over 50%, there are amazing perks and there are opportunities for advancement. The biggest bonus is that it would keep us in town and we'd be able to set ourselves up properly.

Option number two came up just under an hour ago. My wife received a call from the owner of the building her store resides in to inform her that he was going to be visiting the store next week. Apparently, three businesses have expressed interest in taking over the lease and all three will need a store manager, for which my wife will be the natural replacement. The big bonus here is that not only could my wife save her job but save the jobs of the main people that have helped her in her current role. The downside is that she feels there will be a backlash from the community if a similar store takes over and the current staff are retained.

Option number three is in a town two hours away. There are a lot of downsides to this: moving, both of us finding new jobs, my son's schooling, loss of our support network, greater living expenses. It's a big move. There are many upsides though in that if either of us falls out of work again, jobs are readily available to the both of us. With my uni degree, I could more easily find work experience and employment. The town is bigger, there are more facilities and we'd be closer to entertainment, the coast and an airport if we choose to holiday. There are also more housing options. Plus, my wife has a friend over in that town. What appeared to be the most likely scenario last week is now only the third best scenario for us but we're keeping our eyes open for jobs and houses in this area just in case.

So the reason I wanted to post to Facebook was to express my excitement about my wife's excitement about the possibilities. Each situation is only in its infancy but the job market isn't that strong here and candidates are reluctant to move to our area. Someone of my wife's experience just doesn't stay unemployed in our area. Hearing the excitement in her voice made me very happy and she told me she had goosebumps talking to the owner of the building of her current store. Her confidence that we will stay in town appears to be sky high and I know how important that is to her. Just last Tuesday, we were out of town looking at transportable homes as a housing option only to be called about the store closure later in the day. To go through the past week and come out the other side feeling as though we can not only stay in town but have a better future is an amazing boon for us.

Relationship wise, things are still developing slowly. My wife has called me almost immediately upon every development at work, from potential employers or where our daughter's bio Dad is concerned. She has shown me things she's looked at (houses, jobs) and discussed everything from a "we" or "us" perspective. Still no intimacy outside of the two times she asked me to join her in bed but everything between us is light and together. I have felt myself get a little antsy because I'd love to move things forward a bit. At the same time, I feel kind of awkward about it because things have developed naturally and it feels right that way.

Right now, I'm hoping that my wife can find the employment that she wants and that she can get back to a normal life as soon as possible. The next 2-4 weeks will be stressful from her current job with some excitement thrown in from potential employers. After that, hopefully she'll be in a new job and she'll feel more secure about the future.

[Lostforwords]

Now that is a good update......You have done a good job B!!!

[Barrybran]

So far so good. I can feel myself getting a little impatient and at the same time, I feel I have the tools to get myself in check and remind myself what I need to do. I did temperature check the other day and she's been a little off with me since but I feel that's more because of what is going on at work rather than a lack of desire for me. I do feel that the bed invites were more about her feeling vulnerable than any attraction for me though I also know that those invites wouldn't have happened if I hadn't changed.

I've wanted to ask her to join me in bed when she's ready but in a matter of fact, "great if you do, fine if you don't" way but I haven't really "felt" it so I haven't done it.

I accidentally called her "babe" the other day and I've touched her a few times without any thought and she doesn't back away or tell me off so while she's not reaching out, I know we're making progress.