So from here and on....focus on the kids when talking with W.
"We are not talking if you are still with OM. Anything you'd like to discuss about the kids? None? Well, ok. Bye"
... because in the letter, Dev said this:
Going forward starting now, as long as you are involved in an affair with the OM, our communication only be focused on the logistics of the children's schedules, their issues, and exchanges.
HOWEVER, Dev also posed some questions for discussion relevant to their marriage/relationship. I presume, if his WAW chooses to address those questions since Dev posed them, that would be an exception to the "children-talk-only" rule??? Or no?
Can someone clarify for him (me - lol) what he should do if she wants to talk about those points now? Because that might even confuse the WAW: Dev asks questions, then adds: but, oh, we're not gonna talk about anything other than the kids as long as you're with OM.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
I wondered the same thing. I also wanted to say how much I appreciated waking up to all the support there. I was up pretty late myself having GAL, so I kept my mind off of it. I was worried I screwed up in the text exchange. Thanks for the support. I'm Off to do some more exercise. Will see what unfolds
If the W opens up and wants to talk about her issues to Dev, he can listen and validate. But the point here is that Dev is not a gay boyfriend available all the time to listen to her "problems" while she carries on an active affair. Don't want to make a habit out of this like Oxford. Oh lord! No!!!
Yes, Dev will need to work hard to limit communications to kids etc. but not entirely close off W if she brings up R talk. No talks like Oxford and his W. Perish that thought!
I get it, I've been following the other stiches, I look at this as just something I need to do either way. Going to play it by ear. She's stubborn and she knows the deal. More patience on my part. I am a bit concerned about her veiled threat of it will be over but I don't know when, but she does know I can be there for her under certain conditions. I also think it's obvious that I am open to R under certain conditions. She has a lot of work to do. As do I. Thanks again everyone for all the support.
Not going to lie. Going dark totally has been really hard to do. But really only because I miss W, and I realize that's the idea on the other side. I had to call her this AM because of a kids emergency, but nothing else was discussed. She did mention she had a meeting today, no idea what that is for
Had one of those "windows" I spoke about a thread ago open again, and I was able to see that there is some attempt at stopping the A and communication going on with respect to ending things. WAW mentioned she is tired of having people think she is having an affair, and people referring to the affair. Not going to lie, brought a smile to my face. I have no idea who has initiated it, but I did see all kinds of interesting things. Of course, I don't think that means I'm in the plans at all.
Just need to stay the strong road and go with it. Either way, it's what I need anyways.
Hey Dev, a little bird suggested I swing by. Sorry I was late to the party, however, I don't see a thing I would have said differently from Wonka's guidance.
Your WAW's letter was really sad. Almost sounded like a farewell letter from her. Had a lot of troubling points, especially about her babies. Whatever happens in the future, I hope you won t blame yourself b/c I think the seeds to those issues were already planted before you M her, and just grew over time. I feel so sorry for your kids, and hope this doesn't cause phychological problems for them. I'm glad they have you to stabilize their lives.
I believe the reason your W is so ticked is b/c she feels as if she is the one getting the boot, after reading your email. Your directness hit her where it hurt, especially the "friendship" issue. I think she was counting on having you as her BFF. I am glad you didn't sugar coat your reasons for the decision. She is angry right now, but later she will hit another level of depression......I think......when she realizes she really has lost you in every way, not just as a H.
And, IDK, it could even push her to test you out to see if you really stick by it. And each time as you draw her attention back to the third party.....she will try to make you out to be the jerk.
I admire your strength and courage! Continue marching forward.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
More windows, it appears that the A has been ended by WAW. I just want to make sure I stay my course completely right? I don't think this is the first time she's tried, but it's interesting to say the least.
Stay the course, stay the course, until she tells me her A is over, and she wants to talk? I don't trust anything right now, especially because she hasn't said boo to me about it.
