Hahaha Luke that was painted ona wall at univeristy when I was there last century.. along with
Line #1 My mother made me a homosexual line #2 If I buy the wool will she make me one too,
So my days was tough yesterday.. and Luke I had nothing really positive to say for you.. but I sure would not be maintaining a house for my "xpouse" to use at his or her convenience.. How great is that ( for her) a trendy apartment in Stockholm and then can adjourn to my country place for the weekend.. which Luke has maintained for me.. and then I can act like he does not exist while I am there.. actually I am angry for you..
and I was all ready to be ignori ng my WH and what happens he texts and acts like a normal person.. I stayed cool, because any enthuiasm scares him.. but I wonder what he is up to.. my daughter is here .. and 2 more estranged and distance peopel we could not have been when she was 16.. fault on both sides.. but a lot on mine I figured out in therapy. ? I was all prepared to be hurt by her comments when I shared about how controlling and organising and hard I had been as a mother. I started to say I was sorry and she said dont be sorry, I am great. I am smart, educated highly qualified, living my adolescent dream as far as employment, confident , swim like a fish, get along with people,..you did a great job.. thanks so now I still have to be careful with my controlling and pursuing of my H but I can pat myself on the back and say you did not destroy your daughter..
but Luke. I really believe your D will want you to hang in there and be strong.. maybe you move too.. though it is tough to give up a home you love..
Help needed we are packing up our house and moving . Well I am moving over to his region. I really hate the thought of living there and all I will lose and miss but it is done deal.. I stopped asking for help..with relocating it just made him angry. He would come and look at apartments with me but was always in foul mood so I stopped. With the move I just wrote a short email about all I had to do . He then volunteered to take a week to participate. I think the mistake I made was knowing he always liked to help I set up opportunities to help me.. which is manipulative I see now. I also took on board that he does not like me... or why would he hurt me so badly. So my mantra has become remember he does not like you. It is making detachment easier. I have not texted or emailed this week.. well one email when I needed a translation of a letter for a speeding fine ! so then his texts become longer, he explains why he did not call when it was arranged. ? Texted and called.. weird.
but I need to remember he does not like me, does not care about me.. H e says he cares but I don't think he does .. otherwise why would he be having an affair..
so advice.. How do I handle this week together.. packing make me sad.. me crying makes him run away ( really he is such a coward.. I would like to call him on that..may e later) I think I am still open to thinking about another relationship with him.. one day.. butnot anything like this marriage. If he truly is what he is now then the last 14 years were a lie and I don't want that
advice here would reallyhelp I feel like this is a chance to show that the issuez he had with me are changing.. a lot of me really wants him to see what he has lost..is that vindictive?
Can you pack in separate rooms? Put on music via headphones.
No, not weird with longer emails/texts when you did not maintain contact. He was probably driven by feeling shame, wanting reassurance, wanting contact with you but not wanting to admit it. LRT is probably good for you - reduce contact after this - .
Take a break during, a walk or run in the evening. No I don't think it is manipulative to ask for help - you have a perfect right, imo, unless you consciously meant it that way.
He'll see what he has lost. Show him your beautiful, strong self.
he will be here the whole time.. i guess texting her a lot which really annoys me.. I think I will leave if he starts that.
no i don't mean to be manipulative though I think I can see that some of my actions may have been.. unintentionally.
I will take a break and get away.. he is packing just the home gym. He is hiring a truck to take that to his place. Everything else is coming with me.. I think..but who knows.. Shane I doubt that..he has rewritten everything so that he was single before he started the affair because he had decided that 10 years ago he did not want to move..too bad he did not tell me.. I am afraid he will see a very sad me.. I really dont want to be doing any of this...
Need to journal..if only for me find myself in a large dark hole today Who am I kidding he will change his mind. He has detached beautifully, every movehe has made has been to detach his life and mine.. and I like a fool have been hanging onto, hoping , any small positive sign is a sign of change.. but it is not just mistakes on his part. and now we face 5 days together where I am sure he will be organising possessions so we dont have to se each other..his ideal would have ben if 10 months ago I had said get out and filed.. that is exactly what he wanted.. but I did nt and the only one who has suffered is me. sure he is irritated all the time whenever we speak but I am sure that is because of having to deal with me.. small moments when he foregts and sounds normal so I am guessing .. I know I should not mind read but I feel very done today.. that he is normal and happy when I am not around.
so how do manage this time together.. I want to ask all sorts of controlling questions.. I know I shouldnot I want some definition of my future .. how will it look.. am I totally alone? I keep hoping.. DB keeps me hoping.. I have worked on me.. I am aware of trying to organise too much, being critical.. I am quieter and more reflective but his mind is set and he has someonel else.. so what do I do?
I have wound back the contact significantly.. down to once a week though he has done nothing to change that.. I hear positives su h as he said it was ok to call but they could also be my imagination then he barely talks.. actively makes no comment about his life.. small practicalities.. is calling a waste of time? Is the contact useful? Coach says yes..I don't know.. damn I hate being so unhappy
This journey is hard! I'm sorry you are having a rough day. IMHO, it seems like you need to detach more. I realizetp this is much easier said than done. While DBing is partially about saving our M's, I think it's more about finding our own happiness. Our H's need to see someone they don't want to live without. Someone posted this in another thread and it really resonated with me:
Your spouse can't make you happy You marriage can't make you happy Only YOU can make you happy
Since you are around him right now, go off and do your own thing when it feels overwhelming. Take a break for something that will make you smile or laugh. Put on headphones and dance around the room while you pack. Anything to boost your outlook for a bit.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
My H announced he is arriving for 4 days and bringing her son with him to help pack up our house
How do I deal with that with dignity? or do I forget DB and let him see how I really feel? i explained how it made me feel and how difficult that would be.. How it was disrespectful and basically he said who cares.. The DB slipped and i was weepy and needy.. drat..
so now what.. stay pathetic, be mean, be dignified..all are possible..
