WBW, I have found that when I have discussions about money and my future and you are "haggling" over settlement issues, it takes all of your focus and you have to stay on alert, but once everything is settled, you feel a bit down even if it's a decent settlement. In other words, your emotional high is no longer needed and you are coming down from it. Give yourself a few days to settle back down and I think you'll be able to think more clearly about what you want to do next.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
it just can be so overwhelming. I go to the meeting with h last night with my budget prepared. h comes with nothing.
going to a women's group tonight. know it is good for me, but really prefer being at home with my kids. I've joined this group though and feel like I need to see it through.
i asked h about having d16 this weekend. he will be out of town- working. he has apologized and offered to have her next weekend( which means one night overnight) I have journaled my thoughts. I will take a day to let it sit.
Thank you Job for your reply
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Hi WBW, I'm also in TX. What my lawyer told me is that in TX, after the age of 12, what the child wants is usually (almost always) what the court will allow when it comes to custody issues. If your D16 doesn't want to go out of town for long visits, she can't be made to. This is a sticking point with my W now that she has filed and left. She wants me to "make" our D14 come and live with her 1/2 the time, whether she wants to or not! She is so afraid that I will manipulate her into hating her mother because she was the one to leave! She has gone as far as saying if I make her go live with her, I can have the house. If not then we will sell it and she will get half the money! How's that for manipulation?
She says that the best memories of her father from when she was young were when he "made" her do things with him! (He left his family and moved away when she was 10 for other woman). Just know that he may want to have her go away with him but that in the end, it is up your D16 as to whether that happens or not. He is the one moving away. Let him make the effort!
Glad to hear that you are getting a decent settlement. That is a good thing and a great start. It is now up to him to make an effort to keep his kids in his life. You can't do it for him.
glad that hyour settlement is decent. it's always a "letdown" isn't it- this whole darn thing. we're always "adjusting" ourselves, our expectations, etc. i don't think we ever will "understand" them or maybe want to. it's that th is was soooo th rust upon us- no choice, no consideration. p.u.
i guess in the end (since we're forced to) we get used to them not being who they were anymore and get on with our own lives as be st we can .
it's sad- you sound pretty good tho- so good for you.
been doing online apps. It is such a pain!. so much detail I have to. include just to get a foot in the door. takes so much dang time! Ive not yet been placed in an internship. really feeling anxious about that.
Still nothing from h on d. we talked a week ago. he is town this week so maybe he will proceed. I emailed and asked him about the QDRO. Why do I have to ask him?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I am in a group of 15 women. All ages. All walks of life... beautiful women. One would have to shake their heads and think what the hell is wrong with these men??
My person goals lately have included trying to become less judgmental.
I believe too that people are brought into your life for a reason. we gain, we learn something. maybe we somehow give...idk.
one of the women, a young woman, divorced her h. said they were incompatible to begin with. before her d, she said she was involved in an A with a M man. only when the A was exposed did she d from her h. the om also d. I did not hear if they were together. What i understood from her is that she too was in a lot of pain.
I listened to her story thinking to myself, why is she here? telling her story, i want to judge her and not like her. I don't want to cross paths with...
she too is a person in pain.
just been thinking on this a lot. why is this person stuck in my head?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Hi willbe, After B-day, I went searching for info on why someone who had been married for 20 years and together for 25, who didn't have any "real' reason other then being "unhappy" would want a D and not even be willing to try and fix things. My W had always been so against D, always saying she never would. What I found was many blogs from women who had done this. Almost every story was the same, it was erie, kind of like the MLC script. They all but a very few regretted their decision. The few who didn't, had M's where there was really bad problems like abuse or drug use or alcoholism. They all said that they really felt that by going off and having an A or simply ending their M, they would stop feeling so empty or unhappy. They all thought that it was their H's that were the cause. Truly believed that they would be so much happier. The biggest lie that they told themselves was that they would be happier, so in turn would be better mothers to their kids. Everyone said that was so untrue in the end. All of them wished they had tried to save the M. They knew that what they had done was wrong, now, but at the time they really felt 'justified" because they blamed their H's for not being able to make them happy.
They all were in a lot of pain. The pain not only of losing their M but added pain knowing they were the ones who had done it. On purpose and saw how it not only hurt them but how they had hurt their H's and families. So much so that they were writing blogs about it to "help' other's who were feeling the same way. The thing is, we all know that an MLC will never seek out info that goes against just what they are doing. They will twist everything to match what or justify what they are doing, so these blogs really only help those who have come through what WE all know was a MLC.
The reason you can't stop thinking about this woman is, IMO, the fact that she is, like our S's, either in an MLC or through one and you see in her story the story of your S! Here is a person who now knows and feels the pain of what they have done. While we know the other side of this, here is someone who knows the side we have been hurt by. The fact that she is hurting only makes it more compelling as isn't that one of the things we all hope for, that our S's realize what they have done. feel the pain that they have caused in us? Of course you can't stop thinking of her!
I know that what our S's are putting us through makes it much harder to not be judgmental. A worthy goal and I wish you luck getting there as it is so very hard not to experience what our S's have done and still are doing and be somewhat judgmental.
I did say to this woman, I wish my h had the same introspection... Thanks for your reply Matt.
Was out with friends last night. It was good and uplifting. need that.
Right now, anything I do or say rubs h the wrong way.
You know that feeling...when someone just "bugs" you. we all know those people. I am now that person to h. I feel it. It is so apparent. h can't stand the sight of me now. How do I not let myself be impacted by that? I am still cordial and happy, nonchalant.
His deal, I know. But when he stops by( for kids) or we have to discuss something, I feel like h thinks I have become a burden to him. Its a terrible feeling.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
It's a feeling most of us here know well WB. For a long time even when she was still living with us, W acted the same way. I would say something light, not important and it would immediately set her off. She would get frustrated and say "I know that" or would cut me off all bugged saying "You don't have to explain it to me, I get it". It was way she would NEVER act around anyone else! Even people she dislikes she at least acts nice. But with me she just couldn't seem to stand me being around!
