I'm so sorry about your dog. They are like family and it's always painful when they pass.
In regards to your h, AJ is spot on. The sooner you drop the expectations, the better you feel. Focus on you and your d. Protect yourself financially and things WILL get better.
Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm so sorry about your dog, that is so painful. You're doing well by going to counseling and not reacting. Good for you! You're right it does not do any good. I'm glad you're going out with friends and spending quality time with your daughters. It does get better, have faith.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Tears, I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. It's never easy watching them age and then having to make the decision to help them to the other side. Pets are family and I do know how you feel when you have to make this type of decision.
When it rains, it seems to pour. Again, I'm sorry you had to deal w/the people concerning the shed. At least you were able to stop them from hauling it away w/everything in it. Thank goodness you were home!
Getting out and meeting up w/a friend for lunch was just what you needed, as well as see your d's and gd's.
You've come a long way in a short time and you are getting stronger. It takes time to learn to detach and keep your expectations very, very low, but you'll get there. It's a one step forward, two steps back and don't be hard on yourself if you fall down...we'll come along and help you up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have no expectations anymore. I am filing for divorce. Our family has been through enough with all this. I believe he will just go away completely after the divorce and I think that is best for all of us. He has caused too much pain.
Hi Tears, The decision whether to file for D or not is a very personal one and only you know when that time has come. But you are still very early in your sitch and are under much stress right now. I know that feeling of anger, the "How could they". Just be sure before you do file that is really what is best for you and your family. Protect yourself for sure, get as much info about what can be done in the way of protecting yourself and family but do take a deep breath before you actually start the process. Now, if like my W, he files first then you have no choice. I know how angry and hurt I felt at the point you are in this process and I came close to filing after some of my W's antics. Just know that things can change, that is what DBing is about. Good luck Tears, we all are here for you!
Tears: Wow. I know you have lots of them and it's difficult. Do some GALing and remember that whoever files first is the bad spouse, even if there's abuse. Why people think this? Who knows, but make sure you realize it might be just another thing he can put back onto you. For some reason, very few see that filing first is to save the M and family. As I was told, when there's kids, you'll always have the S in your life. This is so true. The W & H affect the kids no matter what, absent or not. I couldn't wait for D1 to be final and to get rid of that awful H. He was a bad H, but I allowed him to become a good dad. (Keep that one a secret!)
Tears, How are you doing? I know you are thinking about filing for divorce, but please take some time to think about this. Right now, you've had a lot on your plate and you are frustrated and fed up w/what he's done and continues to do. I truly do understand how you feel. If after some time, you still want to move forward w/the divorce, then do so...but do it when you are calmer and your emotions are not upset. Okay?
I'll support you no matter what you decide to do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
On a bright spot, the dog will survive. It turned out to be some kind of inner ear, neurological thing that happens in older dogs and is not dangerous. Lasts a couple of weeks and then they are better. So he's on meds and home and sleeping now.
On the bad side, I was not sure before if there was ow. I believe so now as no motel bills anymore and he is taking large chunks of cash out of the bank. So he must have moved in with ow and instead of paying support to his family he is financing their fun times. I'm devastated yet again.
I feel like I'm going through this all over again. And then to top it off son says he has invited his dad to be at his surgery and his wedding, of which he had previously told me he wasn't inviting him. His dad never calls him, but I can son couldn't deal with that and calls his dad every couple of weeks. Said he doesn't think his dad will be at surgery because h told son to let him know if everything goes well. REALLY? But I know right now emotionally I can't be around h. I don't know how I'm going to hanIle these two major events in my son's life. Son says I need to suck it up, but he doesn't understand I've not had enough time to be able to deal with this yet. That's why I am nc with his dad. So if I don't go son will hate me and if I do go I will be physically ill and an emotional wreck.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning right now.
First, I'm happy to hear about your dog. That is great news
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. The most important thing is to protect yourself financially. Please don't be afraid to do what's necessary to ensure this happens.
I know it's such a horrible place to be. Do something that you enjoy. Go for a walk. Sing in the shower. Spend time with the kids. Pet the dog. Dance around the living room. Something that relaxes you and makes you smile.
You will feel better. It's a process and it does take time. Hang in there:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Tears, I'm glad your dog is going to be okay and will be feeling better soon.
Georgiabelle is right about one thing...you need to protect yourself financially. The man you knew is gone and he doesn't care if there is one cent left in the accounts and you are scrambling to pay the bills. Once they start taking out large sums of money or charging a lot of things on the credit cards, it's time to do something before it's all gone. Take some of the money out of the checking/saving accounts and get new accounts only in your name. You have to do this and not worry about if he'll get angry. So, what if he does? He's not thinking about you or the kids when he's taken large chunks of money out. You can't rely on him to be the man your married because he's different now and has become more selfish and self absorbed and it's all about him.
Please get out of the house, take a walk, spend time w/the children and your dog or find a place to sit down in the park and just relax. You owe it to yourself to do something nice for yourself this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
