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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 45
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Decided I would start a new blog for me because now I am in a whole new territory I never thought I would be in. First I'll start from the beginning we have been married for about 5 years now together since I was a freshman in high school. I am 26 she 25. We have 2 kids 6 and 2. If you want really detailed info you can see my other blog. But in short in 8/12 my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I was heartbroken at best, I did everything wrong at first (cried, begged, pleaded) we ended up getting on a schedule of one week with the kids at the house then I would get a week at the house with the kids and so fourth. I started DBing hardcore as far as acting as if everything is ok , trying to go about my life (I don't know how I did). Her grandpa died in 5/13 and in that same time she started talking to me more and more and spending more and more time with me. I should say that she did start having contact with me a few months prior. Shortly after we were both back in the home. Everything seemed great up until I noticed a few minus back she started being on her ohone a lot at home and drinking more and more. On 3/20/14 we got back from a family vacation to disneyland everything seemed fine, we were talking about our anny, what we were going to go do and see this summer, ect. Then boom the beginning of 4/14 she says she wants a divorce and wants to move out. Last time we went through this she wanted everything (house,full custody, child support,ect) and I think that is a part of why we got back together last time is because she saw changes in me and we both didn't want to leave the house. But this time she gave me the house, I get the half time, she only wants a few things from the house that's it. I should add her dad that raised her( though she didn't have real contact with him the last 8 years or so) died a week after we got back from disneyland. So I'm sure that didn't do anything for her emotions. She started staying up at her mom and moms spouses house. Up at the house they have land and on that land lives moms spouses son ( who just got out of prison a few months ago) in camper. My son got home one day and was like I think Drew likes mommy and wants to marry her. I thought nothing of it. The. He came back again and said something along those lines. So I just brought it up to my W and I could tell from the reaction that there was something more then nothing. So since then I have found out she is planning on seeing where it goes with him, they have gone out a few times. I'm having a hard time dealing with all this, my wife sleeps in her moms house but as and OM are together pretty much together all the time because they all hang out in W moms house. And it's killing me because when my kids are over there they are with W bf too.shes says they don't touch of anything in front of the boys but my oldest knows.... He a smart kid and makes comments about "moms bf". This is all so sudden, 2 weeks ago to my kids mommy and daddy were fine then Boom now they aren't together and he is spending time with mommy And her bf. not sure what to do here. Please someone give me some sort of advise... Anything is helpful. Thanks


M: 25 W:23
M: 4 years
T: 10 years
S:5
S1
BD: 8/20/12
Sep: 11/12
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 603
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W having contact with another love interest in front of the kids during separation/divorce is inappropriate.

This is something you may want to address with your attorney. In my case (not Washington State), I was successful in getting a protective order for our child (with relationship to the W's "friend").

Strictly from a custody point of view... if you are doing 50/50 (or around that number), the time she is not around the kids.... is the appropriate time she should be facilitating her "adult" relationships.


Me: 43
M: 10y
S:15
ILYBINILWY 2/18/13
W moved out 2/18/13
Filed for D: 2/17/13
Got DB: 2/20/13
Got DR: 2/23/13
180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13
D Final Dec '13
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 853
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Posts: 853
Why should the kids cut into "their" time? How fair is that? crazy

Yes, introducing kids to OPs that early into a separation is outrageous. That needs to be a boundary set and darn quick.

Just my .02 cents...


“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter

M - 06/01
D - 05/14
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 847
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Mastersolo -

I am so sorry to hear about your sitch. It's so hard when there are young kids - who are confused, don't really understand what is going on and are easily influenced...

I have to say that having H leave was tough, finding out about OW was tougher, but by far, the toughest thing of all, was having my kids exposed to OW and spend time with her. So I get your pain and I don't wish it on anyone - even my worst enemy.


While I agree 100% that exposure to OP is completely inappropriate at your stage, it will be very hard to restrict / enforce that.
My H exposed OW right away to my daugheters who were 3 & 2 and our then newborn son.
My L told me there was nothing I could do (I live in California, where infidelity and things like exposure don't really matter much in the legal system and D process).


I made sure to let my H know how i felt when it happened. It only made things worse for my emotional well-being. He could care less and in a way, it only pushed him to do it more.

It took a long, long time, but I let that go. Not because it was ok, but because it was out of my control and because in the end, obsessing about it only hurt me.

I know that is probably impossible to do so early in your sitch - things are so raw, but any and all steps you can take to take care of you emotionally will bring you closer to that point.

Remember - you are their father and no one will EVER take your place. Show your kids how amazing you are and give them the example of strength and grace in the face of the worst adversity... Placing all your focus on your kids will also help you detach - which is very, very hard to do, but so necessary.

Stay strong - you can do this.


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D







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