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Truly hit rock bottom today, damn it hurt a lot, just wish I had a big OFF button today. I'm exhausted, totally & utterly exhausted and it's finally caught up on me and I've admitted defeat.

H's been very supportive today although clearly found it difficult at times too seeing the pain he's caused, he's trying to put himself in my position & understand how I feel and the pain I'm experiencing. He's told me to keep working on myself as I'm doing really well & that we just both need to keep on our own journeys and if we end up back together then it's meant to be - I know he's right, I know I need just focus on the here & now instead of what might happen in the future. Right now we have to be apart, its in all our best interests.

He's recognised that he needs to take more of the weight with the kids/house for a while as I'm completely exhausted, I have fibromyalgia & ME/CFS so my pain & fatigue levels amongst other symptoms mean I have very little energy - this meltdown is me completely exhausted & needing more help so hoping the extra support will help me get back on track and stay there.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

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Up - I think that it is great that you have recognized that you need additional help and have asked for it. Even though we try to be supermom, it is impossible to do it all alone unless we start sacrificing ourselves. I have found that when I am sleep deprived, I struggle so much more. Try and get some rest and I am sure tomorrow will be a much brighter day!!

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Originally Posted By: 3boyzmom
Up - I think that it is great that you have recognized that you need additional help and have asked for it. Even though we try to be supermom, it is impossible to do it all alone unless we start sacrificing ourselves. I have found that when I am sleep deprived, I struggle so much more. Try and get some rest and I am sure tomorrow will be a much brighter day!!


Thank you 3BM, I struggle asking for help but I'm going to have to learn to! I literally didn't sleep last night and only got 3hrs the night before so it's no wonder I've been in such a state - I hope tomorrow is a better day I really do!!


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Well the past 48hrs have not been good. I've hit rock bottom & bounced there several times, I sat with a packet of sleeping tablets thinking the only way out was to end my life frown pure desperation, complete exhaustion & a big cry for help - Its terrified me that I felt so desperate & I feel so guilty for thinking that way, it came out of nowhere as I had been doing well & everything just came crashing down around me.

I know now that I need to make sure I never get to that point again, I cant let myself & need to do everything I can to keep myself going because my kids deserve better than that. I still feel very low today, I know I'll feel ok in a few days so just trying to ride it out, right now it feels like this hell will be my life forever.

At the moment i'm trying to work on a lot of my own fears and its difficult but I know its worth it in the long run, i'm growing so much as a person and getting stronger but its also very painful and tiring.

Need some help to get back on track, struggling a lot.


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

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Oh Upwards, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low right now. Please know that it will get better again. I know how hard this is, but you are sooo strong, keep the faith.

Are you going to see your IC soon?


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Hugs coming your way. As MamaB said, things will improve.


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Hugs Up!!! You know that we are all here for you. I have been in the exact same place. I spent several nights unable to sleep and wondering if everyone would be better off without my here. It is a horrible place to be....but you will be okay and things will get better.

So lets get you an a path moving forward.

First, are you seeing a IC? If not, my first recommendation is that you pick up the phone right now and make an appointment ASAP.

Next, try and set some short terms goals just for you. You have a ton going on in your life right now (moving, kids, etc). What are some things that you can do for yourself to make life a bit easier?

Takes things one day at a time. Those little kiddos need their Mum smile

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Upwards,

I will echo other comments about seeing an IC. When you get to the point where you are considering hurting yourself, you need to engage some professional help asap. You should also consider joining a support group...check with your church if you have one.

Yes...this hurts. And the hard part is that there is no way around it....only thru it. One of the things that helped me was to not only feel the feelings...but ask myself what the source of those feelings was, and then explore that.

I know it's difficult to believe that you will get thru it....and in all likelihood, be happier and stronger than before. But you can, and you will....if you allow it, if you put in the work.


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Thank you so much everyone.

I'm seeing an IC weekly at the moment which helps - I think lack of sleep was at the root, I was trying to do way too much on my own and really struggling due to poor health, kids not sleeping well and so there was nothing left for me (both physically & mentally) and I ran myself into the ground. I ignored the warning signs because of my pride - I need to ask for help & I've learnt that now.

I've been doing so so well in myself and have learnt so much about myself it's amazing, I'm getting to the bottom of why i feel the way I do and why certain circumstances or situations really upset me (my own fears etc) and trying to tackle those bit by bit. I'm much more aware of my behaviours and feelings, trying hard to allow them and analyse them (but not too much!) and figure out ways to improve things for myself in the future.

I need to stay focused on ME, I find it very difficult and it doesn't come naturally! It's getting easier though, I need to do my own work to be healthy so that IF we do have a chance at R then we are both in a good place to do it.


A few things I'm unsure about at the moment:

GAL - I need ideas for things to do at home whilst the kids are in bed that are low energy ideally?! I get so bored and it's often the time that I get myself upset or worked up.

180s - need some inspiration for some new ones!

Books - I would like to read some self help books on fear of abandonment, self esteem, other similar things. Any ideas anyone?

Interacting with H - Since my H started intensive therapy with his IC and begun dealing with his childhood into adult issues he's wanted to spend a lot more time with me & is much more friendly etc. He's opening up about his feelings a lot more and generally seems to feel comfortable, he's begun to show remorse for some of the things he's done & put me through, he said he's "very proud of the woman that I'm becoming and can see that this situation is going to be the making of me as he's never seen me so strong" also that I'm a "wonderful mother & amazing woman" so his attitude has certainly shifted somewhat - I'm trying to have no expectations and I'm well aware he will cycle and fluctuate. I very rarely contact him at all, he contacts me several times a day every day, sometimes just to chat and sometimes relating to finances/kids/business.

What I want to know is, what's the best way to handle this, do I just go with the flow, remain detached and not have any expectations or should I be being "dim" and not answering his calls etc? He's suggested a few things recently to do as a family or together, it's always positive and we always enjoy it - where do I draw the line to ensure he's not just cake eating or is a little cake eating good at times to show him what he's missing?!

Thank you smile


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I think that GAL can include doing things with your kids. I also have the kids at my home every night, so it is often hard to "go out." I will take the kids for ice cream or to the park. Something to just get out of the house.

When I get some free time, I also want to take up photography. My H is a part time photographer, so he always took pictures of the kids (although it was a pain to get him to take them) So my goal is to start taking more pictures of them to capture our time together. I also want to put together a blog to keep track of the pictures and our times spent together. I used to post a lot of pictures on FB, but I am trying to stay off of it for the most part now. I figured that I can work on the blog at night when the kids are asleep. I also want to go through out pictures over the past few years and add them to the blog so they are all in the same spot to be able to show the kids.

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