Redefining Hope and Success

[bluesgal]

Oh Julie- I want you to know that I support you. You have really stood so strong against all your H anger and downright borderline abuse.

He is not an example to his children and seems to be breaking down. I am so sorry you had to endure that. Why would he have you on speaker phone with OW? What could that possibly accomplish? I'm glad you are meeting with a lawyer. Whatever you decide to discuss there is your choice. I'm thinking of you!!

[labug]

Hugs to you.

You are fine.

[juliegayle]

Update. .. is it normal for the WAS to rewrite the rewrites? When h first bomb dropped and rewrote our life I could see the truths that he was building from and that was where I started working on myself. H has finally acknowledged I have changed.

Doesn't matter because he has rewritten again and now it is just complete fabrication. He even has a completely made up story of how we met that "proves" our relationship was a mistake from day 1.

While this is hurtful and frustrating it does show me how little this really has to do with me at all. He renamed me Beelzebub on his phone and OW is Goddess. (Still think it is slimy he calls her all the same things he used to call me) but I think it is a good illustration of his frame of mind. I am the source of all that is wrong in hus life and she is what will save him.

His life his mistakes to make. No matter what he thinks or says I did not break him.

He is still drinking. It is spiradic but when he does now he always passes out (kitchen floor, bathtub etc). He is missing work because I have stopped waking him up when he passes out without setting an alarm.

8 months and he is still spiraling down. I feel like my only job at this point is to make sure he doesn't take me and kids with him.

Question. ..are delusions of grandeur part of any of this. He keeps talking about how everyone loves him, how they couldn't function at work without him, how he saves lives every day. (He works in health care but not in a position where he saves lives every day) he says I have no idea how important he is

[bluesgal]

Hey Julie-Glad to see an update.

I like that he recognizes your changes. Sounds like he still needs to rewrite history to justify his poor actions.
I see you are letting him live the results of his drinking instead of 'saving' him. Since my h moved out (if you want to call it that-he took 1 suitcase-eyeroll) he has missed work many times and his job is currently in jeopardy. I stopped worrying about the what ifs and started letting him experience the true results of his choices by letting go.

Turns out life isn't just sunshine and roses without us

And the grandeur-sounds like someone is trying very hard to convince themselves. 'See, I'm not a bad person, all these people love me'

[labug]

Julie, he has a problem with alcohol. He doesn't remember his stories so one is as good as another. Yes delusions are a part of it, people often drink to make themselves feel better because they have no real self-esteem. When he drinks he feels invincible.

You can't change that.

only job at this point is to make sure he doesn't take me and kids with him. Truer words were never spoken.

[juliegayle]

Reading my threads you would never believe my life used to be drama free.

Yesterday so 15 saw texts between h and owner and was devastated. He asked me if he should talk to his dad about it. I told him his dad was his dad forever and he should talk to him about how he feels but maybe wait till he was less emotional. Well h said something hateful to him and so 15 lashed out and told him what he saw and called him a cheat and a liar. H tried to blow it off and say so 15 was over reacting. That it was just a text to a friend. So 15 says he never heard him say "I love you baby to anyone but his wife." H says he talks like that to everyone. So 15 calls him a lit and calls his mom to come get him. Lots of screaming and yelling. They did have a calm talk before his Mom came. I don't know what was said. I stayed in other room with s and so 18.

Then h turns on me blames me for everything and insists I call ow. He keeps insisting over and over and stupidity takes over and I do. I leave a message saying " this is JG. I believe you know my h. He insisted I call you. "

They obviously had it planned when she would call because he walKS into my room videotaping just as the phone ribfs. The first few minutes are embarrassing nastiness from both of us With h standing there laughing. Then I figured I had nothing more to lose (dignity long gone) so I say there are 2 sides to every story. She says tell me yours.

I told her I don't hate her just what she represents. She gives the same story he does. They are not in a relationship. She tells all her friends she loves them and calls them Honet and baby. They both completely ignore the should reference. (Do they have a shared delusion that anyone would believe that)

But then I start crying and telling her how I believed him in beginning when he said he wanted to work on things and how I have done so much to make myself a better person and if I come off as a b**ch to her it is because I am heart broken and h continues to attack me daily.

He is yelling to her that I am lying but he eventually leaves. Then she tells me about her ex who was an alcoholic who she left because she didn't want that around her daughter. (Does she know h at all). In the end we made plans to get kids together to play without h?????? My idea because I said I wanted to know anyone that spends time with my child. ????

I don't know what they talked about after but h was disgusted with me this morning.

Why did I write all That. Just to document and remind myself how easy it is for me to get drawn into crazy.

[juliegayle]

Just reread this. I have a new phone worth aggressive auto correct.

So = ss
Owner = ow
Should reference = sexuAL reference

[labug]

What are you going to do?

[juliegayle]

Bug not 100% sure what to do. Any suggestions? For now I am steering clear of H because his anger is palpable.

I think I will meet with this woman in a few weeks if she does follow through. I can't control h taking s around her so I would feel better if I knew her.

I have no idea what h hope to accomplish when he orchestrated last night's events. Probably will never know. I do know he is moving farther and farther away from reality.

[bluesgal]

Oh Julie-I don't even know what to say. I can relate to the drama free life before all this.

What an icky thing to happen. I didn't know your H brought your son around this woman. How often does he do this?

When I read your last post and put myself in your shoes, it makes me want to pack up that little boy and go back home to family.

No advice, Julie, just support.