Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
sorry for duplicate post...


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
That is my hope, cczamo, to leave the past behind, move forward together and build a bigger, better M and keep my family together.

I know, for sooooo many reasons, I'm lucky to have my girls. Love them so much.

I just hope I can get my @^#$ together to do my part to make it happen.

Went to hot yoga tonight - really liked it. Will go back for sure.

Pre-BD, outside of my family, I had no hobbies, no outside interests, and not many friends. Part of the strain on H was that he was my everything - best friend, confidant, sounding board, etc.

I know now how heavy that must have felt for him.

Since last week, I've been pretty good at GAL'ing - hot stone massage, hot yoga, shopping, and I signed up for a meetup group for women going thru "transition".

It feels very aukward at age 41 to be looking to make new friends. I work from home, so not alot of oppourtunity. But I know I need to.

Fingers crossed. For sooooo many reasons.


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
Good for you on GALing. Your sitch is similar to mine in that my H was my best friend for so long, until his drinking caused me to drop doing things with my girl friends, as H would invariably embarrass me.

AS are you, I'm now trying to make new friends (not an easy thing for me, as I'm introverted). If my H ever wants to reconcile, OR, if I have another long term relationship, I'm vowing to NEVER let my girlfriends go by the wayside again. I hope your meetup works. Being friends with women in "transition" would be perfect for you to sound off with. They'll no doubt want to share with you. Just dont let them try to change your mind on waiting and DB for your H and M. Most people dont understand that concept and think we are crazy or masochists.

From where I stand at 56 years old, you are a youngster!
Heck at 41 you easily have half your life ahead of you.
Try to take the 30,000 foot view as they say (easier said than done) and know your daughters are learning from you how to handle adversity. They will certainly face some type of adversity in their future, so way to be a positive role model!


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
@JennD and cczamo: another introvert here. Not too close with my mom so my H was definitely my sounding board and I agree-- that is too much for a partner to bear. So part of my GAL is to push myself to reconnect with old friends and also work on new ones...or moving some from acquaintance to friend status. A 180 for me for sure.

Keep it up! And whenever you feel alone just remember there are so many others just like you going through the same thing.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
Thanks ladies.

Feeling very anixous today. My MiL is coming for a visit (she lives in another country). Will be staying with her family. She and I used to be very close and then a few years ago we had a blow up that we never got passed. I tried reaching out but she said she no longer wanted to try.

Shortly after that, H and MiL fell out because of the way she dealt with some family issuse and H felt she made bad choices (I agree) and didn't make any effort to keep in touch with our family. H cut her out of his life (when she would email, etc.) - he would not respond. I would. I would send photos of the kids, send xmas presents, etc.

So she's arriving to our area on Thursday and wants to see "all of us". H sent an email last night to her (first communication to her from H in 2 years) apologizing for his behaviour and that he does want to see her and talk.

She doesn;t know about our split. I'm not sure how she'll react - she is divorced from H's father and it was very painful (20+ years ago). So she might be kind. But she is also not my biggest fan (despite my efforts to make things better) so she could be mean-spirited about it.

I know I'm projecting.

But I'm concerned that she will think this is great and furhter re-inforce the split with H.

I know there is nothing I can do about her feelings or rections. Or his. But I feel very tense about it. It just seems to turn up the volume on my anxiety. Who knew it could be louder!?

Trying to keep busy and not focus on this issue but its front and centre in my mind.


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
JennD, keep us posted about MIL visit.
JennD and Claire7, someone started a GAL post on this newbie forum. I'm going to go back and jot some ideas down to use for my GAL-ing.
I went to my DivorceCare monthly pot-luck dinner last evening, and it was nice seeing the 13 or so people after we "graduated" from the 13 week DivorceCare class. We will try to have a monthly pot luck. JennD let us know how your ladies in transition meetup goes.


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
Just came home from yoga (2nd class ever - really like it) and H said his sister called and said MiL had a stroke.

Just happened this evening. She's apparently in good shape - one side has reduced mobility but is speaking and in good spirits. Will call with more details once they know.

So needless to say she's not coming for the visit.

Asked H if he was going to travel to see her - said he would wait and see what they find out - how severe it is.

Certainly Not glad that she had a stroke but feel like I dodged her judgement (I know I shouldn;t care - working on that).


I did see the GAL'ing topic and have had a good look thru - lots of good ideas.

What is a divorcecare class? Would love to find something ike that around here...


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
H's sister called tonight to give us an update. (she doesn;t know about M). H was out so she and I talked for almost an hour. Not alot of new details about MiL - still doing tests. She asked how we where - I didn;t tell her - I just said fine and talked about the kids.

I don't feel its my place to tell his sister whats going on (and I guess I don;t want to tell anyone, hoping that it goes away). Felt aukward about not telling the truth.


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
Weird timing on the MiL stroke. And awkward talking to H sister as if nothing happened. I have not spoken to anyone in H family since January, but I know that they know.
DivorceCare can be Googled using an org not com suffix, but its a 13-week divorce recovery support group, usually based in churches, but non-demoninational. They are all over US, not certain about other countries, just in case you are not US located. I've found it to be helpful to my sitch. I've made new friends there. The women in transition meetup you've found is not available in my north texas area, but you may find the same type of support through your meetup. Just know that finding some kind of support is so very important for you, even if it's only here on this forum.


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
I'm in tears sitting here. H just left. Was here since Friday - his weekend with the kids. I was in and out throughout that time. Gal'ing - pedicure, yoga, went out with some friends to hear a live band last night, visiting family today.

Was able to be detatched and felt like we (H and I) were able to get along and even enjoy a few laughs. It felt nice.

We had dinner (the kids, H and I) and played with the kids, got them ready for bed and was nice - like old times.

When i came down stairs, H announces that he's not staying here overnight and will be at his friends, where he is living 1/2 the time.

I'm so frustrated and irritated that we are still in this situation. I'm so tired and just want my H back. I miss him so badly.

Just when I feel like things are improving and I'm feeling more in control of my emotions and expectations, things like this creep up and take me out at the knees...I'm not in control of anything - myself included.


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard