4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[bluesgal]

Hey GB-Thanks for sharing your therapists insights. Interesting about the happiness scale. I can see where you rate yourself higher because you've done so well with this situation. You've really had a clear head and chosen a happy path sooner than I think most of have. I know it's taken me nearly a year to get where I am now!

[Georgiabelle]

I took the kids to h's parents' lake house this weekend. The Easter Bunny came and we had a fantastic egg hunt. I went for a power walk with s11( I melt around him. He holds my hand and always helps me). Boat ride with all 3 kids and the badminton. I think I've shared that I have a tough time being in the moment. However, I loved every moment of this beautiful day.

H's gf (that he doesn't know I know about) made the kids little baskets. S11 said," Someone made these for Daddy." Made me giggle.

I could not have asked for a better day:-)

[BklynMom]

""Family is extremely important to me- it's always what I wanted. I looked at h's family and saw these loving, smart, hard working and supportive people and assumed h must be like that. Instead, he is broken, had been for a long time and acts nothing like them. """

This is exactly why I dismissed so many of my xh strange behaviors. I saw his parents and his brother & sister all have normal healthy relationships. I thought my xH wanted the same but it is obvious he does not want that.

They find ways and excuses to blame us for wicked behavior. Tell us they need to recover from their R with us. I dont buy.

My xH has always pretended to be happy but in fact he is deeply disturbed and messed up. (I do wonder what really is going on in his seemly happily family - maybe the whole family is acting...) I on the hand could have been described as having a baseline happyness of around 3.

But after finding therapy, anti depressants, Alanon and these boards I think I have a new baseline of 7 or 8. The point being that their is hope for your H if he chooses to find it.

I think you need to discuss with someone your fears for your children safety when they are with your H, to help you figure out if your fears are rational or over the top. Maybe a brother or sister, that knows your H?

Big hugs, you are doing great

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Scooby and Brooklyn.

Yes, BM, the recovering from the detrimental relationships they have with us is just garbage. No one's relationship is pefect, however they make it sound like they had no option to discuss feelings or try to work through the issues. All we can do is work on us. Some days I feel like I have some swag:)

[Georgiabelle]

H's parents came yesterday to help me with the kids so I could do some things. I am very close to them-much closer than he is. His great aunt died yesterday so h's mom texted him to see if he will go to the funeral.

Just weird I suppose. I think overall I am doing well, but it's weird to think my h is dating someone in college. I know you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the unexplainable. However, he literally is the polar opposite of the person I knew with the exception to he still likes animals. This person who always thought I was great and he was lucky to have me now thinks I am the source of his unhappiness. The 3 kids we have that he was so excited about are now an obligation. He loves them, I know, but as my kids' and my therapists say "whatever that really means." My D9 told his mom that she just sees her Dad is going further away. I thought that too, but sometimes I wonder if their dad just really didn't love me. Strange to think he has been thinking this so long, and I can look back and see some changes over the year pre BD, but since he told me that he loved me and missed me right before BD I guess I thought things were stressful but okay. Eh, doesn't matter. Can't change that.

One of my closest friend's is coming over this weekend with her kids. I know we will have fun-we always do with laughter. My D9 and I won at trivia last night. Yay! Maybe I need a massage.....

[BrightFuture]

Strange to think he has been thinking this so long, and I can look back and see some changes over the year pre BD, but since he told me that he loved me and missed me right before BD I guess I thought things were stressful but okay

Exactly my thoughts. When I go back to preBD times, I remember quite a few things that were the warning signs. I also thought that it was just the stress about his work. And he did say he loved me all the time right before the BD.

It almost looks like they turn off their feelings or lock them up and lose the keys.

It is great that you have good relationship with his parents. Your kids will benefit from being close to the rest of the family.

[BklynMom]

YOu are so much farther along then I was this soon after bomb.

Your attitude is great - for your kids and for you.

I have been around long enough to see several WAS return. I think its okay to believe in that dream if thats what you still want while always moving forward with your own life.

He wants this new life. He wants to see how great its gonna be. I dont buy and neither does anyone else. But he has to learn himself

[bluesgal]

GB-I can relate so much to your last post. Polar opposite. I know we can't try to analyze everything and we will likely never have answers for many things, but geez. Some days I just think, 'seriously, this is really happening?'

I look back and can see changes in the year prior to BD. H was getting increasingly angry, impatient, and antsy. He was becoming less content. Instead of seeing that as warnings, I was hurt by his actions and pulled away from him....ugh, if only I'd known then...

Glad you had a nice Easter. How often are you hearing from your H? Does he initiate contact with you or make any effort to have conversation?

[LiveNow]

Georgiabelle, BF, and BluesGal - After reading all the material on this site about MLC and reading so many posts, I was also able to very clearly see the progression of my H's MLC up to the BD. He told me he loved me daily up until that day, like he always did. Bluesgal, you are on a similar timeline as me - BD last June. And I, too, saw him 'getting increasingly angry, impatient, and antsy.' And becoming less content. I was also hurt and pulled away from him, not knowing what exactly was brewing. That made for a rough last year before BD. I just didn't know. I took it personally, and blamed the rest on his work situation. He has told me several times now: 'I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't happy.' That's how he explained it.

Anyway, we are all survivors. Hang in there my fellow LBS's. We will all make it through...so nice to know we are not alone!

[BrightFuture]

My H always had some temper in certain situations, but it got worse maybe a couple years prior to BD. He became very impatient with people and surprised me a few times when he didn’t want to hang around some people he liked before. Even his brother noticed the changes.

I think he is still continuing on this path. I’ve heard that he pi$$sed some of his recent drinking buddies recently. Our mutual friends also told me that he became very impatient and intolerant. Well, he had these trends before, but they are much amplified now.

And this is the thing that bothers me. He didn’t completely change into someone direct opposite. So, does it mean that he will never come out of this crisis? All his behaviors will just become milder again.