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I always advise "girlfriend" or "boyfriend." "Mistress" is too confrontational, their first name gives them too much respect, and "paramour" is just plain gross.

Besides, "The Predator" would probably just start a fight. smirk


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Asking what my "real plan" is suggests I'm being dishonest.

But to answer your question, I'm interested only in setting a boundary.

Why did *you* not refer to your H's OW by name? For me, it dignifies her. That might not make much sense. But in these situations, things aren't always logical. Emotions rule. But that's why many of us are here, yes? For support. This place gives me an area to come to where people will help. I can ask simple questions, and others draw on their experiences to provide support and answers. Preferably without being snarky or judgmental.

I will refer to her by name. Thanks for dropping by, gabbysmom.


M: 40 H: 44
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Starsky, I adore you, man. Really.

Hope everything's going well with the family ... all of 'em. smile


M: 40 H: 44
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S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
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Piecing: April 2014
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Yeah, we have our own name for OW in our house, too. Only one vowel changed turns her name into something more appropriate for her. And it's even PG-rated so S7 calls her that, too. H laughs about it, but I know it chaps his as$ to hear it.

Point well taken in that last paragraph, gabbysmom.

"Your girlfriend" it is. smile

Thanks, guys!


M: 40 H: 44
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Well, I sent it. And he replied: "Probably heading down Saturday morning."

That's it.


M: 40 H: 44
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Wait. A second response ...

"K, got the ground rules. No problem."


M: 40 H: 44
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S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
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Piecing: April 2014
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Andddddd now he's flipping out in texts because he's apparently found a new house to move into and is discovering (?) that all our utilities at our marital home (where I still live) are in his name. He's asking for my social security number for "forms." That should be easy enough to find; he had to have used it to file taxes this year.

So how helpful should I be? I'm here, at the beach, trying to relax with my kids, and he keeps texting with questions about crap from home. What a downer! Should I even respond right now? I don't want to deal with that crap right now!


M: 40 H: 44
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Piecing: April 2014
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EXCEPT ... D16 is at the family home this week. If H turns off power and gas there to be able to open a new account in his name at his new place, then D16 will be, well, without power and gas the rest of the week.


M: 40 H: 44
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Okay, I've been trying to keep my cool for so long that I'm second-guessing just being ME for once. I don't want to hand over my power, but I feel I'm losing my cool composure today.

Finally texted H back during lunch and said: "Let me know once it's straightened out and if you plan to shut off service to the house since D16 is there this week."

He replied: "What!!! Naw, already told you that's not what I'm doing silly! I'm trying to get service to my new apartment, and filling out info online. They say I already have an account. So I got in that, but since you are an admin, they asked for your SS#."

I replied (without my filter): "You've pulled the rug out from under our family as quickly as I've changed my underwear the past couple months, so pardon my skepticism. Didn't you use my SS# to file taxes this year? I'm assuming you somehow got my signature, too."

Those would be the taxes he filed - claiming my two Ds (his SDs) - and refuses to share any of the money except/unless I "bring him legit legal bills" that he says he'll pay. Yes, that'll be settled in court eventually so that I get half. But it still burns me up.

I'm feeling I just got down in the muck with snarky responses. I'm just OVER him texting me. The only way he can even afford his own place is because he pulled $1,300 from the kids and me every month, making it IMPOSSIBLE for *us* to afford a place to live!!! Do I want to "help" him with that? Hel! no! I'm OVER being so dang quiet in my responses! Yet, I can't find middle ground!! I don't want to be reactive in my responses. But I'm mentally too darn tired to figure out how to be creative.


M: 40 H: 44
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2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
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... just like every other time, when it rains information, it pours.

Just got a text from a friend. OH said in front of her today that OW has to be out of their home on Friday.

I'm projecting, but that's likely why:

1. H isn't heading to the beach until Saturday now, and
2. H is so hurried about his own place and utilities.

It's none of my business per se. Except he has visitation with our kids. I have no legal separation order. And I don't want the kids around her. And since there is no legal order in place for now, I could legally keep the kids away from his new home.

I know a stipulation can be added in the order that no overnights will be allowed with a person of the opposite sex in the home until/unless H is married. Anyone out there with experience with kids and OP in the same home with just day-time visitation?

I know I'll have to make peace with this eventually. But I'm not ready to right now. Especially while we are still legally married.


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
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