I feel more in control of my life than I have for the last 8 months. It's a wonderful feeling. After months of fretting. Worrying, second guessing myself, I put my 30 day notice in at apt and let H know I am moving back next month. I did this 3 days ago, and have seen him everyday to pick up S and he has not responded with a single word. He actually looks defeated when I see him, not sure how to explain it. But I have no idea if he is staying, or if he will move out or file like he had threatened.
And you know what? I think I am detaching because I actually don't care! I am just moving on, focusing on what is best for S and I. Planning fun things for us and getting ready to move back into our home.
This detaching stuff is fantastic, I feel stronger than ever. I am eating and sleeping better. Now I get it. It took 8 months, but I did it. Hang in there if you are newer to it. For me, I have just gotten to a point where I realize worrying about what H will do or thinks or feels - is useless! Time to focus on my own feelings and boy is some interesting stuff coming up!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Yay! I am happy for you and your son :-) keep moving forward.. Detach detach detach!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I'm glad you have decided to move back into your home. I wouldn't worry too much about how your h reacts to your moving back in. If he's not happy w/the situation, he has two choices: 1) move into the guest bedroom; or 2) move out.
I'm glad you are keeping your focus on you and your son. You've said it best, i.e., worrying about what your h will do, thinks or feels is definitely useless.
Take care of yourself and the next 30 days will go by quickly!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is very hard to detach. My brain just ran 24/7 on it's own, worrying about anything and everything to do with H. Now, it's not so much on him. In fact, sometimes, some time will go by and I realize I haven't thought of him for like 15 minutes! I am more focused on what I really want, what is best for S and I. It's a very freeing feeling.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Good for you. He is going to act very agitated now, so just be aware of that. He's going to think that you are the cause of his unease when it's really himself. Don't let him bully you around if it gets to that point.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am confused by how nice my H is being. I have heard of the "nice" MLC'ers, so maybe it is just that? My H has never responded to my telling him I am moving home next month, which is fine I guess. I keep expecting some kind of reaction. We spent Easter at our house with our S. my H and I pretty much avoided each other. He spent most of day working on his jeep, which was fine with me, I really do want to cooperate with him needing his space. I cooked a great meal. He said it was delicious and had seconds. We did egg hunt for my S. I kept expecting him to say something, to express his disagreement with my decision, but there was nothing. There is also no sign of him leaving. In fact, he bought and changed some bulbs throughout the house, lower energy stuff.
Do you think he has given up on fighting me about D? Do you think he is throwing his hands up to say, oh well, I guess we will try this out?
I guess I will get that answer once I move back. It just seems that every interaction we have had the last couple of weeks has been very friendly. More so than normal.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
This is the time in your sitch that is going to bring alot of confusion. He's discovered that he can't control you any more with threats, so he's trying to be 'nice'.
Be careful though. His moods will swing on a dime. Just continue to stand firm and not take any of his bad actions towards you. He will find every reason why to blame you for things.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Like MrBond said, be careful now. I have a "nice" (most of the time) MLC W but man when she goes off, she goes off! Worst is that before she even goes off she will get angry and do things like open a secret bank account first, THEN she will find a reason to "talk" and all the bad comes running out. Just when you think things have calmed down, that's when it will happen. Good luck and good for you on the detaching, not an easy thing to do but well worth the effort!
I’m happy for you that you are moving back to your house.
I have a "nice" MLCer too. He doesn’t live at home though. I think that he would behave the same way in the situation. But I always knew that behind that quite and nice behavior there would be some decisions made. Your H might be just evaluating the situation and who knows what is in his head.
I would not have much expectations. You are doing great giving him space and time. I think it is very important now to show him that you are moving along regardless of what he does. No pressure, no R talk, no D talk.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
