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Quote:
What you've been missing in the bigger picture is that things aren't the way other people depict them. Their "mask" so to speak. When you meet somebody on the street, keep in mind that they may appear happy or "together" when inside they may not be those things at all.


I thought about this a little bit. You're right too. I think we all act a little different on the street. I think we all have a mask of some sort that we wear.

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How's the Monday meetings going? Any luck with getting some healthcare benefits? Through the state or otherwise? Anxiety attacks sound like something that might benefit from some professional assistance, right?


Still waiting to hear back on the benefits. Arizona's whole family assistance departments are probably the slowest in the world. Monday meetings are ok, but I'm probably going to start over and take the entire 13 weeks from the beginning. I've been going, but haven't put my heart into the homework like I should. I'll be taking it over.

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And why are you still posting about your XW? Your post should have been more news about your positives and less about her negatives.


I just found it interesting and thought I'd share. Nothing more.

Some on this board have suggested I set up some sort of rat rescue. I may be adopting or "rescuing" another little girl in the next day or so. S23's friend bought a rat to feed to his snake. (I hate that, but.....) Anyways, the snake didn't eat the rat and sort of became friends with it. I know.....weird. S23's friend is going to try to keep it, but if he can't, I will be taking it. She's very cute and just a baby.

I've just started to realize that in addition to changing financially and emotionally, I've also changed a lot physically in the last 3 years. It hit me yesterday while looking in the mirror. Since this began:

I've gained about 30 pounds.

I've got 3 tattoos that I swore that I would never have.

My goatee is almost entirely white now.

I've developed pretty bad arthritis in all of my knuckles. My thumbs are the worst and my right thumb can rarely be moved without discomfort. I'm assuming that it is arthritis because my older brother has it really bad and my grandmother had disfigured hands because of it.

My hair is now in a ponytail for the first time since 11th grade. I used to wear it almost military style.

I've got more wrinkles than I had and the ones that I did have are much deeper.

Still suffer from an extreme lack of energy/motivation.

My voice or "radio voice" isn't what it was. Not even sure if I could do the radio thing. We shall see.

I don't have much of a short term memory anymore.

......just seems that I've aged so much in just the last few years. Anyone else feel this way?

ahh...the spoils of stress and getting old.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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I totally feel like I went from being a young mama to an old lady. The only things that help are exercise and eating right, when I fall off that schedule I age fast - when I stick with the program I can feel youngish.

But gone are the days of drinking til late night and bouncing up again in the morning. Drinking kills any youthfulness I have left.

Focus more on yourself


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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"ahh...the spoils of stress and getting old."

But you have control over that. It's not just "age". Using age is an excuse. How much have you actually exercised recently? Going out and getting moving is a good way to get you out of your funk.

If you don't like the way you look, then do something about it.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Agreed. At first, I did start to age a bit. Stress is what ages us. More specifically, how we deal with stress.

I'll be honest, I started taking care of myself and I look and feel better now than I did for years prior to the chapter that brought me here. At first I actually felt a little guilty about it. About feeling better, looking better, and having a life outside my family. That's long gone. And I'm happy to say that I'm the happiest I've been in years. It all started with changes in myself. Changes that I made for myself.

I know my ex meant to hurt me. I know she still tries to hurt me. It's something that just is. But it is the only part of my life that I don't look forward to, and I've made it a very very small part of my life. The rest? Life has never been better for me, even with the ups and downs of it.

I didn't ask for it, but I wouldn't change a thing Tad.

Make the life you want to live. No more excuses. No facing the first obstacle and quitting. Not an option, if it gets in the way of what YOU want. You'll feel better and enjoy the life you've been given a chance to enjoy. And that is a legacy you can leave that you won't regret. Promise.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Hi Tad, You need to get your arthritis checked out. Get it treated early and it could help stop your joints getting worse and out of shape. My brother said he should have gone earlier to get it checked.

For the first time in 10 years my Ex W broke down in front of our Daughters, 2 weeks ago last Sunday it was Mothers Day in the UK. None of my daughters visit her on birthdays, Christmas or Mothers day. They usually visit her a few days before the events.

Well the other man Nic was not in when they called to see her. She said while crying her eyes out that she has been selfish (since she left us). Youngest D & eldest D got upset the most, they also cried their eyes out.

When she first left us, she said to me in a letter that she was being selfish. But this is the first time she's said it to her kids!

Love
Delboy

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Hi everyone.

Quote:
I totally feel like I went from being a young mama to an old lady.


I can totally relate Brooklynmom....except for the lady part. smile

AJ, I like your post. I've decided to join a gym once I get everything in my life in order. (see my post below.)

Quote:
I know my ex meant to hurt me. I know she still tries to hurt me.


I still have a hard time with this. My XW is the same way I think. Didn't you say that our situations were pretty similar? smile I just don't understand how someone who supposedly loved us can be so angry.....still. Why all the anger? Why are they even angry to begin with? What is wrong with people?

Hey Delboy. That admission by your XW is pretty amazing. How did it make you feel?

Now it's time for the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good - Yesterday was amazing. I had a three hour lunch with an old radio buddy of mine. It was wonderful to see him. It was the first time I had seen ANYBODY from my "previous life". We discussed resurrecting my radio career and went over a bunch of fun memories. We discussed music and had a great time. He says he is keeping his eyes open for radio jobs for me. (Radio jobs are very hard to find.) We are going to try to get my foot in the door in some capacity. Then.....last night I get a FB message from my VERY BEST FRIEND who lives in Chicago. He is flying in and taking me to dinner on Thursday night. I can't wait to see him!!! I have not talked to him much since this all started. Today for Easter, the boys and I went to dinner and to see Captain America in 3D. All four of them were with me. I don't even think any of them heard from their mother today. Anyways, it was fun.

The Bad - This week was a downer as far as the depression and anxiety goes. I'll be fine some days and then others, I'm just very down when I realize how alone I really am. 5 years ago, my family was a pretty decent size. Today, it's the boys and me. That's it. I also really need to go get my hands checked out for possible arthritis. I really don't need my hands locking up when I'm thinking about getting back into radio.

The Ugly - First, I want to apologize for posting this here, but I really have nobody else to vent to. I'm just really disgusted at the moment and would like some input. I've had a VERY BIG item added to my already overcrowded plate. I really wish God/life would stop throwing sh!t at me. Just one more item to add to my 4 year list of garbage that I don't need at the moment. I will try to explain:

My grandfather on my mom's side will be 84 years old at the end of the month. He is getting very bad Alzheimer's, but still gets around well. He is very hard of hearing and can barely hear without his hearing aids. He lives on 1,200 a month.

A couple of months ago, right around the time of mom's death, I found out that my drug addict brother moved my grandfather in with him. I wasn't very crazy about it at first, but the more I thought about it, I came to realize that maybe it would be a good thing. Grandpa could help with the bills and my brother could look after him. Besides, there was really no other place for him to go. I surely couldn't take him in. There were really no other options.

Also, my brother and I received 4,500 dollars each at the end of last month as beneficiaries on one of her policies. So....I know how much money he had.

Well....this evening, I got a call from a social worker from a local hospital. Apparently, my grandfather was "found" by paramedics this past Friday confused and 4 miles from his and my brother's apartment. They found him sitting on a curb along a major busy street. He has Pneumonia. He was carrying his wallet that was empty except for a senior center id card and a local grocery store's rewards card. Everything else was gone....his money, medicare card, Social Security card and his debit card. All gone. I hate to assume, but I'm pretty sure my brother has his debit card. Why? Because that is how my brother is. He was also carrying a bag that had 2 pairs of pants and one shirt along with a piece of paper with my phone number on it. He did not have his hearing aids either.

So....I tried texting my brother. He did not respond. He still hasn't responded. Finally, I got pretty restless and anxious about it, so S23 and I got in the car and drove to my brother's apartment. When we got there, there was a pink note on the door that said they had been evicted and that everything inside now belongs to the property owner. EVICTED!!!!! He had enough money to pay atleast 4 month's worth of rent...not to mention my grandfather's 1200 dollars a month. This also means that any old antique furniture that my mom got while we were in Germany is now gone because he got a lot of that stuff when she passed.

I'm pretty sure my brother is up to no good because why didn't he call me and let me know about my grandfather or atleast ask if he/they could crash here for a few nights? I just don't get it. He always vanishes when he is up to no good. That is the way he has always been. I also have a very strong feeling that I will probably never hear from my brother again. I've just got a strong feeling in my gut and my gut is usually right.

I have an appointment with the social worker at the hospital tomorrow at noon. I will also probably end up calling the police after I talk to her. I don't want to, but I may have to.

It kills me to think that he would leave him to just wander or die on the streets of Phoenix. This is a man that has done so much for my brother and I. When we were little, he would take us hunting and fishing all of the time. Some of my best memories are of fishing with him and feeding the ducks. This is the same grandfather that I lived with as a kid that I mentioned in a previous post.

I'm just filled with disbelief, sadness and anger. I just don't know anymore. I just don't know. What gives? I'm not even sure if I should call the police. Maybe my brother needs jail....

Again, what's wrong with people?

So tired.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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Tad,
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Please contact Social Security about the loss of his card, as well as the other organizations/agencies that he has cards with, i.e., especially the debit card. You need to contact the police now, not later and if your brother is picked up and found guilty, so be it.

As for your grandfather, I feel so bad about this situation. No one should have to roam the streets w/no place to live. I do hope that you are able to find someplace for him to live after he's recovered enough to leave the hospital.

Please don't allow this to drag on...call the police and report the situation. You need this documented, as well as notifying the bank, Social Security, etc. about the loss/theft of his identification cards today. If you don't, the person who has those cards can become very creative with identity theft and take whatever your grandfather has left in his accounts and wipe him clean. He doesn't deserve this.

On another note, I'm glad to see you are reconnecting with some old friends. You really need this and now is a great time for the reconnections to take place. I do hope that the door will open to allow you to step through and get a DJ and soon.

Take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Tad,

Wow. What a path full of life's twists. Deal with the cards you have in front of you.

Regarding your grandfather, you can place him at a nursing facility that specializes in Alz' as most places do accept patients with Medicaid/Medicare. This way, you and your sons can visit him whenever you can and keep a close eye on him. Don't delay.

Also you can work with the local SSA office to have you listed as a rep payee or have the nursing facility be the rep payee. There are options out there for your grandfather that will ensure that he's not financially ripped-off!

I am with others that it is good to see that you've reached out to people and old friends. Keep going right there, buddy. smile

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I was typing a longer response to this earlier...

To sum it up, Tad - very very happy to hear you are reaching out to your friends. I am sorry to hear about your Granddad. I went through similar with my own granddad in that he suffered from Alzheimer's for about 10 years. My sister has been great, though she did have to take some time off while she was pregnant and then later with her fight with cancer. It's had challenges especially since I'm from the west coast and live on the east.

As a suggestion - follow Job's advice and get him taken care of as quickly as possible and away from your brother. Nice try, but it turns out that won't work, right?

And be patient with the process - talk about slow. The insurance company, the government health agencies, and myself all play a game on a regular basis. We trade papers, wait 60-90 days, and then do it again. That allows for the bills and such to make their way through the machinations. Often we laugh at each other. I'm doing same for my Grandmother's accounts and assets and care. Wheeeee.... smile

I wouldn't want somebody else doing it though. Better to have me do it. And in my case, I am lucky my sister can help with some of it and she is pretty good at visiting and taking care of some of the items. I am lucky in that respect. Very.

Yep, our situations are pretty similar in respect to the exes. Know what? I dunno why the anger. I do think if I did, I would have to be nutty to fathom it. No thanks.

Let us know how the grandfather gets on and how your visits with your radio and bestie go. Very interested to hear about it.


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thanks for the responses.

My grandfather is doing a little better and hopefully will be released from the hospital in about a week.

Still have not heard from my brother.

Adult Protective Services are now involved and they have contacted law enforcement. They have had conversations with me and I was totally honest with them about my brother. He's probably going to be in a lot of trouble when he is found.

I worked on Monday and you'll never guess how much money I made. After paying for the lease on the cab, filling it up with gas and getting it washed.....I cleared a negative two dollars. Yeah, I worked a twelve hour shift and LOST money.

I give.

My little rats are doing well, but I can tell they are getting old. They seem to be sleeping a lot more.

It is 4:45 in the morning and I have not slept a wink. I can't. I'm very very down right now. I just don't see what the point is anymore. I feel like giving up again. I'm just so very drained.

I think of my life the way it is now and just want to throw in the towel. I get more and more p!ssed off at the XWacko.

I'm tired of the ups and downs too. I seem to be doing not good, but okay and then I have dips. BIG dips.

I'm a wreck and so is my life. It just seems like everything is way beyond repair. Getting really tired of fighting...


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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