#40 and still counting

[kat727]

Thanks Mish. I forgot to mention that D13 broke a peice off of her violin too. The kids understood, though I still felt bad that I lost it. The cat had gone down into the basement and the door was shut on her so she wasn't outside.

Three deaths in one week really got to me and last night was just too much. Ex was going to take the violin in since he had the kids but nope ended up just asking the kids to come to him. He lives in Lawrence, half an hour away. I took in the violin myself. If I waited on him, it wouldn't even get in until this weekend.

I do try to meditate but my mind just races and keeps getting into my thoughts. I am working on that too.

kat

[kat727]

I do occasionally have a couple of hours when the boys work schedules overlap on the weekend. Remember the boys don't go to their Dad's on the weekends, so I always have them or at least half of them.

My oldest is finally realizing after me explaining it a number if times, I need alone time on Tuesdays. He gives me a couple of hours. At least it is something.

Bets is coming through town on the 5th. I am so excited to meet her! I may take off the next day. We will see.

kat

[Underdog]

Kat,

I keep meaning to drop in and post. These pesky sales and estate issues keep getting in my way...

My oldest is finally realizing after me explaining it a number if times, I need alone time on Tuesdays. He gives me a couple of hours. At least it is something.

I had to do this myself too. Our parenting order calls for Mr. Wonderful to have the girls on M-W nights. At some point in her teenage years, D20 got very busy with club volleyball (practice facility was 5 minutes from my house), school, friends and activities at school; so she got permission from her dad to be excused from the requirement and promised she'd schedule time with him to make up for it. (Well, that really didn't happen, but they did find their balance and peace.)

Back then, I was religious about working out on Monday and Wednesday nights. I didn't plan meals and I made a point to plan doing things on those nights as well. Often, I'd come home and be puttering around the house, and then I started giving up my gym time (not a good idea, but...). I'd make dinner and of course there would be extras. She'd come to expect to have dinner with me, and then we wound up in a place where she'd text me and say, "What's for dinner tonight?" I started to feel burned out and choked on my resentment. I finally told her that I was going back to the original schedule and to make her own plans. And I meant it.

Occasionally, I'd want to go out to dinner and I'd invite her. I made sure I knew it was my choice so I didn't feel resentful later on. It really worked.

You might have to religiously plan something to do outside of the house on Tuesdays just to drive home your point. And if you can't leave the house, why don't you turn on some music you like and take up a hobby? Work out/yoga, scrapbooking, making jam, journaling, sewing/needlepoint... something that YOU choose and that distances yourself from interacting with anyone?

Did I tell you I changed our hotel to one located on Westport Drive in Topeka? I figured it would get us an hour closer to home and be easier for you too. I'll call you the week I leave so you have advance on that. I'm really excited too! I'll have D20 and her BF with me, but maybe they'll want to do their own thing...

I'm sorry to hear about all the stressful things happening lately. FWIW, it seems to happen in clumps - some long term, some shorter - and now that I'm old(er), I'm trying to take the opportunity to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from all of it. Sometimes it's the obvious, so maybe you could look at it this way? The common thread I see here is that you NEED time alone for Kat, if only to heal and think.

Hugs-

Betsey

[kat727]

I know you told me that you were going to stop here instead of KC. There are alot of restaurants right around there so we should find a decent place for dinner. Monday's are also kind of slow which is nice.

Anything that you are wanting? I can then run a few places by you.

kat

[kat727]

Oh how cool if not logistically challenging...the First Lady is coming to Topeka to speak at my S18's graduation. They are now combining all of the school districts graduations. There are 3 big high schools and two smaller ones in our district.

I have heard we only get four tickets so I don't know who is going but he has all 4 grandparents, 3 siblings and two parents. Thank goodness we don't have to deal with tons of out of town relatives! Maybe they will have to draw for the two seats because Norway am I missing this!

kat

[kat727]

I meant no way.

[kat727]

Deep breaths. My d13 is starting to have some rough moments over the divorce. I asked if she could talk to her daddy. She said no, he won't listen. That when they are there with him, he puts her before them all the time.

I told her she could try to talk to him. She could always talk to me or her siblings. She just started crying. My poor baby. Here we go with round two.

kat

[kat727]

Her older sister did that this past fall and didn't get much of a response. So she is a little leary. I told her she needed to try and reach out. When ex dropped them off he mentioned some-to-do that happened between her and s18( he came over for Easter as they celebrated a day early). He said she wouldn't even let him give her a hug but after a couple of hours everything was fine. Sounds like he didn't even go and try to talk to her.

He is losing out for sure. He isn't taking the time to make those bonds. So we had a bit of a talk, a big long hug and a good cry(her, not me) and she felt a bit better. She has always held on to her daddy and he just keeps letting her down.

kat

[mishka422]

I'm so sorry your baby girl is struggling with this. The WAS seems to always think that after a year or two all the ramifications of what they have done are over. It's NEVER over. It just manifests in different ways in our kids (and ourselves).

She is a lucky girl to have you in her corner kat!

[kat727]

S18's prom is tonight. He looked so handsome but at the same time it reminded me of "Big". I wish his hair wasn't so short...what a complaint for a Mom. He is growing further away as he doesn't share as much as I would like. I am trying to let him make his own mistakes but man is it hard to let go.

18 isn't grown up in my book but again how will he get there if I keep intervening on his behalf. No he has not gotten in to trouble, I am just trying to see a bit ahead.

kat