She moved home but still in love with OM!

[Oxford1]

I also made the mistake of attacking the texting, I said all day long twenty times an hour he texts like two teenagers, her reply well maybe I like being a teenager.

[Oxford1]

It's one thing to act strong and confident; and yet another to act arrogant and treat your W like a sl*t like you just did. When she was breaking down, it was the perfect time for you to validate her feelings AND THEN lay down your boundaries.

You should have guided her and told her that she should go to an IC or some other counseling. The problem is that if you're treating her like that, if she goes back to you it will be based off of emotion which never works without some kind of guidance.
o did tell her she needs therapy, she immediately puts it on me..
So what do you plan to do?

How much have you changed so that she would actually WANT to be with you? I haven't seen any change so far.

. This is my dilemma she said I have changed but then I did what I discuss above...

[MrBond]

"o did tell her she needs therapy, she immediately puts it on me.."

That's not what I said. I said COUNSELING. NOT THERAPY. Counseling is getting healthy mentally. You told her "therapy" which implies that you think she's crazy. That's why you got the response you did.

" So I said, hey you laid out your sexual escapees to me with this guy, am I supposed to sit at home knowing my leagly matured wife is " greeting her man"

You essentially just called her a slut to her face.

"Boy the claws came out " I am not a cheater , don't you dare so I am a cheater, your an abuser"

What do you expect after what you said?

"This set me off no yelling no begging but i did rip her OM to threads verbally etc..
She insists I wring, he's not like that, yes he's had lots of wine but know of them are like me.....all fog speak."

You don't understand anything about "fog". She reacted because of what you said to her. That's not part of the fog. You initiated that response.

[Oxford1]

Ok MR. Bond obviously I need Your help!

How should I engage her. I can not believe that I got into a 30 minute conversation of why her OM is a looser.

I really do love her and she is so vulnerable right now.
She does not want to leave me, but she wants me to understand she feels she needs to go to Israel again in June...the thoughts of her hoping into bed with him after six weeks is tearing my heart out of my chest.

She says she needs to go one more time he wants to show her things. I asked her to tell me now if she really is going to marry him. I am not going to be plan b(that I did not say)

Mr. Bond, she tells me she still wants to do everything we have always done together, fishing, hunting , ( her OM does not know any of this, plus he thinks I am going to kill her can you imagine if he knew we were hunting?).

Should I do this stuff?

I respect you very much so I appreciate your feedback.

[HollyAnn]

It is amazing that your W thinks it's cool to talk about om with you.
I mean, what....?

She's talking to you like she would one of her girlfriends? Crying and seeking comfort from the H she betrayed and is treating like a doormat?

[Oxford1]

It is amazing that your W thinks it's cool to talk about om with you.
I mean, what....?

She's talking to you like she would one of her girlfriends? Crying and seeking comfort from the H she betrayed and is treating like a doormat?

I can't deal with much more of this.
Tomorrow we meet with the collaborative divorce team to layout the financial plan

I feel like it may be time to divorce her.

She keeps saying she wants to stay for two years until S15 gets out of high school.

She also says she's not leaving the house, the mortgage is in both our names.

She tells me I am trying to control her by threatening to divorce her, after she has decided to go to Israel to see OM again..

The Collaborative divorce coach told us the OM is super 10x more controlling the. Any man he has ever dealt with..

The reason is when he asked what OM thought of her plans she said if he does not ask me I don't tell him..he does not ask because he does not want to know. The MC asked her what would happen if he found out, she said H&E would kill me, MC: those are string words, so she responded well he would yell at me or cry and I would tell him don't you act that way it's my life.
MC responded she's controlling him , and he controls her by acting like a five year old every time he does not get his way.

Then he looked at me and said you can't compete with this foolishness you should just divorce her and walk away.

[MrBond]

That was quick. You did see the part where we said it would take awhile. But if you don't have the patience for it, you might as well file.

Good luck to you.

[Oxford1]

That was quick. You did see the part where we said it would take awhile. But if you don't have the patience for it, you might as well file.

Good luck to you.

I really don't want to divorce her I Am madly and utterly in love with her!

But I can't take the abuse from her to me.

How will I be able to handle her going to Israel again...?

I told you mr mod I really respect you .
Did you view my post from this morning. Please answer that?

[MrBond]

"I really don't want to divorce her I Am madly and utterly in love with her!

But I can't take the abuse from her to me."

Not sure how you think she's abusing you. She hasn't done anything TO you. She is just pursuing something that she feels is important to her. You are the one who chooses to be hurt by it.

[HollyAnn]

"I really don't want to divorce her I Am madly and utterly in love with her!

But I can't take the abuse from her to me."

Not sure how you think she's abusing you. She hasn't done anything TO you. She is just pursuing something that she feels is important to her. You are the one who chooses to be hurt by it.

She is being extremely disrespectful by carrying on the way she is and rubbing his nose in her A; under the roof of the marital home.
And that IS abusive.