Hmmmmmm...so far H has not changed his phone number. Still waiting....He has not been on his computer lately so no new news there. I checked the phone records today as he gave me the password and I did so.. As I scrubbed down the calls. I noticed H called or texted OW on 3/17, 3/27, and 3/28 then sometime back in January. Other phone numbers there and some from Mexico. I called the one from Mexico and a lady answered the phone who did not speak any English. I speak limited Spanish but when I mentioned H name, she hung up. Probably the same person who he says she lost a bet too last month or so. Anyway, quite a few unknown numbers on the list but I did not call to inquire on any of the others.
H came home this evening and was acting kind of weird. He was talking and everything but seemed kind of off. Perhaps the person in Mexico contacted him. He's on Zello a lot and I notice he has several screen names. He says he's afraid to pickup his phone now because I always find something to question him on. No new questions from me. I'm just watching,taking notes and waiting for a change.
Last night was interesting. H mentioned that he was going to get a loan from a friend to get his truck repaired and he wanted to use the title as collateral. I told H I was fine with him getting a loan but I was not going to give him the title to use as collateral. The reason why I do not agree is because he is not responsible. H does not pay his bills timely and I don't want to risk losing the truck that he just had to have. He could not get approved so I had to put the truck in my name which made me responsible for making sure the notes were paid and paid on time. Half the time, he claimed he did not have the money. H borrowed 2k from my mother the last time the truck needed repairs and never paid her back. I ended up paying my mother back her money. I also paid the $500 note for most of the loan duration because he was spending his $$ on OW and not taking care of home.(I did not say this to him. Just thinking it) Needless to say he got angry and went on a rant. Told me I could do what I wanted with the truck. He was going to buy him another one. I did say anything else. I kept my thoughts to myself.
This is another one of his tactics. It's either a pity party or he gets angry which would have resulted in me giving in but not this time. It's not that I don't want to help him and I could pay for the repairs if I wanted to but I am tired of bailing H out. I NEED him to take care of business. I'm tired of handling every business aspect of our relationship and having to make all the decisions while he reaps the benefits or complains about the decisions I make. I just don't want to have to worry about everything.
Last week, I hired a lawn man to cut grass and trim the trees because my yard looked horrible. H kept promising to do something but never did. Afterward he liked the job but complained about how much the man charged (which I paid). I had to do something. The neighbors started to complain. I wanted to say something to him about not doing the yard himself but I remained silent on that issue.
H also mentioned changing his phone number last night. He suggested I change my number so that OW does not try to contact me. I told him the purpose of changing his number is so that OW cannot call HIM. I am not the person she had the A with. Why is he trying to make this about ME?
Later on we went out for dinner and drinks to celebrate a mutual friend graduation. No more talk about the truck or phone. Will this trigger something and throw him back into the arms of OW? Possibly, possibly not. We'll just have to wait and see.
Saturday was a pleasant and drama free day. A little shopping with H, lunch with a friend then pizza and movie with H in the evening. H brought up the phone again and said his carrier told him that he could change his number after catching up on his bill. I said ok, sounds good and left it at that. I'm just waiting on the follow through. I purchased the highster mobile spy download for his phone. Once I download on his phone, it will help to confirm all truths so I don't end up living lie all over again.
I am somewhat curious and concerned because there is very little passion in our relationship right now. I don't think either of us is feeling it.
Its been a few days since I've written but Ive been reading alot of other blogs. So much helpful information.
The highster mobile didn't work. I tried the application processes but it could not pickup any data from H phone. He hasn't been using it much lately but there were a couple of nights he was up late but I didn't ask him about it.
H keeps trying to verbally reassure me he is committed to repairing our marriage. I am still waiting on him to change his phone number. He said today that he is almost caught up on the bill. I didn't say anything about it. I am beginning to experience some "I dont give a f" feelings.
So Now Im having to deal with my own emotions. Feeling like I'm tired, don't want to try anymore, questioning whether I can ever feel the same for H again, not happy, etc., etc. I know that LBS go through an array of emotions and I feel I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Is this normal?
I also have access to his email and FB accounts. Emails dating back as far as 2012 if I looked.
I also downloaded a key logger.
I just wanted to warn you that some types of snooping may be illegal. Most of the uses of keylogger and spyware software violate privacy laws. Breaking laws can adversely affect a D. In some cases, breaking privacy laws carry hefty fines and even the possibility of imprisonment.
I know it probably seems like keylogger software must be legal to use because it's legal to sell. However, they get around that by having disclaimers. In most cases, keylogger software is only legal to use on those under 18 years of age. In most cases, to use keylogger software legally on a spouse (18 or over), you would have to tell the spouse that you are installing the software and they would have to agree to it. Obviously, it gets harder to catch somebody if they know they are being monitored.
Personally, I'm NOT against snooping on a cheating spouse. I don't have a moral issue with it. But, we all know that legal issues can get complicated in a D. If you have used keylogger software to snoop, it might be best to NEVER disclose that information. I'm just saying be very careful.
So Now Im having to deal with my own emotions. Feeling like I'm tired, don't want to try anymore, questioning whether I can ever feel the same for H again, not happy, etc., etc. I know that LBS go through an array of emotions and I feel I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Is this normal?
IMO that is all normal. My W was having an ongoing A. For me the roller coaster of emotions was worst in the beginning. I'm not certain the A is completely ended. I've managed to detach some and the coaster has somewhat smoothed out. I sometimes feel like I don't want to try anymore but that changes from day to day. Personally, I'll keep trying until I'm certain it's completely hopeless.
H finally had his phone number changed. Another late response. Im not sure if Im excited about that or not. Im still having these strong "I just need some space" feelings and tryn to deal with that. H and I ML but I was so disconnected. No passion at all. The 1st attempt was horrible. The second, I kept hoping it would end soon. This was soooo not like us. Not looking too good folks.
Just checking in. I'm still here slowly working through my issues. So no more late nites on the phone or computer. No more items found in the washer from his clothing. Phone number has been changed and his comments have been positive regarding our M. Well, u would think all is well BUT he's having financial issues again. This [censored] and very disappointing because I have been carrying the full load since the BD with the exception of few attempts this year. As a matter of fact, he did not contribute to paying any of the bills in May. As far as he knows, the mortgage is behind again. Same ole excuse. Business is slow (home improvement) but he doesn't take the time to look for other types of work or get a part time job. So today, I came home from work. He greeted me at the door. When I asked how his day went, he said bad. He needs money to pay the cell phone bills and gas. He hung his head low and sulked. This is the moment when I would have offered advice or pay the bill but I did not. I simply said that I understand how it is not to be able to pay something important. I don't give a rats nannies azz about the cell phones. One of my reconciliation requirements was that he be financially stable and support the household. Im trying to give it time but this is a step back in my opinion.
So men, chime in. I don't want to kick him when he's down but how do I address this issue with him? I just don't believe he is doing all that can be done to bring in the money. After he stopped paying bills during the A but was whining and dining OW, buying rings and roses, I pay what we agreed upon and that's it.
Also, there used to a time when I would have followed him anywhere but now, Im not going down.
So what say u men? How do u all feel about your spouses confronting you with financial concerns when you SAY you're doing the best that u can?
Fast forward...I had the financial conversation w/H. It took some doing but he finally got his mojo going and has steady income now. Thats a huge sigh of relief. Now that he feels good about how he's progressing, he's decided to lay out a few commands of his own which include me ceasing all contact w/male friends. I dont have a problem with this but it has no basis and I kinda feel this is his way of controlling the M and being manipulative again. Thoughts?
