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kml Offline
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You know - maybe your emotional state re: dating has less to do with missing H, or missing who he was, than it has to do with FEAR that you might get tangled up with another WHACK JOB like your H!

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You are probably right on the money, KML. God knows I don't need to get into another situation like this again. Maybe I should just count on being single for the rest of my life. There are worse things for sure!!!!!!!!

H insists that the bank made a mistake and the monies are there. I asked for documentation and a name of who he spoke to. He said Customer Service. Somehow I am not assured about it. But I will go back after work and see if the rest is available.

I just cannot make this stuff up!

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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I liked KML advice that you or your lawyer should say to your STBX "why are you making this so hard, I thought you wanted a divorce, .. the way your acting it seems like you want to drag this out"


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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So I went to the bank yesterday and sure enough the money was there. Hmmmm....wonder how that happened? But I am still short $11. I am not sure whether I want to make a stink over that or not.

My attorney sent the offer to H. And regarding the contempt charges, my attorney proposed that if H pays me 25% of the total we will drop the charges. I don't know if H will go for that? And regarding the "quashed subpoena", it turns out H has once again taken things out of context. The subpoena that was quashed was for H to have paperwork to present at the de novo hearing. The court said that the contempt charges cannot be discussed at the de novo. It needs a separate hearing. That was the reason for the quash. H was trying to get me to believe that the courts did not care about the contempt charges and found them frivolous along with trying to get me to think my attorney doesn't know what he is doing.

H also in his letter to the court, stated that my attorney kicked him out of the office, ending the meeting abruptly. That statement taken out of context looks bad, but the reality is the meeting was already over and H started lecturing my attorney on how "disappointed" he was that these proceedings were taking so long. My attorney told H he was not going to be lectured. H kept on going. My attorney told H "the meeting is over, Mr. H. You can pack up your stuff and go". H did not like that and is trying to use that against us.

So we will see what happens. I am hoping the judge sees through the phony baloney stuff.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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WH,
I would make a note of the shortage and when your h brings up what you owe him, you point out that you were shorted the $11. Learn to play the game and keep track of what you've paid and what you've shorted. Keep this info handy for when you need to pull a rabbit out of the hat. It's not worth mentioning to your lawyer at this time.

No, your h knows exactly what he said about the quashed subpoena. He was hoping that you would buy into his BS and drink the Kool-Aid he was serving up. Continue to move forward and do not believe one word he tells you. If his lips are moving, he's lying.

I'm not surprised about his letter to the court about your lawyer. He's now going to try to play the victim and your lawyer threw him out of the office. When a meeting is over, it's over and done with and no more discussions about a topic are going to be discussed. Let him file a complaint. If I'm thinking correctly, wasn't the meeting recorded or at least someone from your lawyer's staff in the room, or at least you were there? The court will believe your lawyer more so than your h because they are getting sick and tired of his bs. Your lawyer will take care of this matter in his own way...don't worry about it. In other words, don't sweat the small stuff.

You have other things of importance to think about, i.e., like your financial situation and what bills to pay. Keep your focus on your own stuff and allow your lawyer to do his work, i.e., representing you and your interests. Your h is going to going to continue pulling rabbits of the hat for a long time and he will discover that the rabbits he is pulling out are nothing more than false hopes.

Stay positive!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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WH,

Why drop the contempt charges for 25% of the settlement? This will teach H nothing about flouting the general convention and continue hiding bonus money. I say stick with the contempt charges and show him who's the boss.

Can't you work on wage garnishment as a part of the settlement? H has shown that he will not voluntarily hand over unless ordered to do so (heck...even with an order in place, he continues to flout this!) or having his wages garnished.

Another thing that bothers me here is that you are not living in the marital home with your children. I have divorced friends where the mother and the children continued living in the marital home until the youngest child turned 18 years old then the house was put up for sale with the proceedings split between the divorced couple.

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Thanks, Job. I am working on making financial baby steps. I still haven't found any potential part-time work because I have been feeling so poorly, but I am doing well at reducing my spending and saving more. I checked over my bank account yesterday and I was pleased. I am hoping I can keep inching forward and not let myself get discouraged. I am going after work to see what kind of money I can get for some spare jewelry.

Yes, the paralegal and I were in the room when the exchange went down between H and the attorney. My attorney thinks H recorded the conversation. He asked me if H was stupid enough to do that and I said of course. Apparently H used quote marks to highlight what my attorney supposedly said to H. But of course the quote was taken out of context.

I am trying to keep active the next few days while the kids are with their dad. It is getting easier. I actually colored Easter eggs last night if you can believe it. We had leftover color and a few eggs and D told me to color them. LOL! So I did. I made another batch of fabric softener and did a few loads of laundry. I made myself a baked potato and had a few jellybeans for dessert. And when I got home last night I actually sighed and said "this is mine and no one else can claim it". It's starting to sink in.

It would be nice to have someone in person to talk to and hang out with when the kids aren't around. But I think I need to get to know myself again and re-establish a relationship with me first.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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If he recorded the conversation that would be great. Why? He can then present it in court and the judge will hear exactly what was said. Also, he may be slapped w/illegal recording of a hearing/meeting if he didn't advise all of the parties involved. Your h is just like my xh...stupid.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: Wonka
WH,

Why drop the contempt charges for 25% of the settlement? This will teach H nothing about flouting the general convention and continue hiding bonus money. I say stick with the contempt charges and show him who's the boss.

Can't you work on wage garnishment as a part of the settlement? H has shown that he will not voluntarily hand over unless ordered to do so (heck...even with an order in place, he continues to flout this!) or having his wages garnished.

Another thing that bothers me here is that you are not living in the marital home with your children. I have divorced friends where the mother and the children continued living in the marital home until the youngest child turned 18 years old then the house was put up for sale with the proceedings split between the divorced couple.



Hey Wonka

This is based on trying to get H to settle. If he doesn't we will take this to court. If I do, however, I will end up paying my attorney all the money H owes me and then some.

Also my attorney has a plan to capture any additional income above the base pay H claims he makes. If we go to trial, then I will ask that all his income be garnished on an average of overtime and bonuses. My lawyer told H either he pays a percentage above the base or we take an average. H didn't like either option. Currently child support and maintenance are being garnished and it will continue that way after things are done. But we need to come up with a way to capture income above and beyond.

If I live in the marital home then I have to assume the mortgage. I can't afford the mortgage. H can barely afford the mortgage. I don't think they will allow me and the kids to live there with H paying for everything. They don't do that in my state.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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You know, it may be a blessing in disguise that your H is directing his anger at your attorney - at least that deflects some of it off of YOU. (Too bad, though, that your H is too much of a whack job to hire his own attorney - I certainly hope the judge makes him pick up some of the attorney costs).

Good job on your finances! You might also look on a website called The Penny Hoarder for ideas on how to make small amounts of extra money. Also, don't forget to get a big change jar (or my bank, BofA, has something you can sign up for called "Keep the Change" - it rounds up all your debit card purchases, and puts the extra into your savings account.)

Meanwhile, how about focusing on your friendships? Why not have a potluck girls night at your house when the kids are at his place? Or foster a friendship with a single girlfriend? I don't hear you talking much about friends, I'm guessing those relationships suffered during the years you were married to this nut job, it's time to start building friendships you can count on.

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