So it's Easter. Two years ago on Easter I remember posting on this board and sitting in my mother's bedroom crying my eyes out. Now I am doing the same thing only I'm in my own bedroom. And it makes me wonder...has anything changed at all?
I was chatting with a friend last night. She was telling me about all the guys she Sid dating and she didn't know what to do about them. There are three or four guys she is dating at once plus she was for a time considering getting back together with her ex. I kept thinking what is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me? I'm not dating. I don't really know how to go about dating. I'm just starting to get back Ito the social scene. I'm not even divorced yet. But others tell me I may as well be.
Why is it after two years I haven't let go of the fact that my husband is in this huge love affair with another woman? He is a completely different person. I don't really want him anymore. Why is it still upsetting me? I thought I had come to terms with it all. It hurts more when I don't have the kid's for sure
I feel like an idiot for even being sad about this whole thing. It's been two years but it still doesn't feel real at times. I am really wondering if I have changed and grown at all.
Or maybe it's just a bad day and I still feel like crap?
Happy Easter peeps (pun definitely intended).
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, Please breathe! Please do not compare yourself and your situation w/others, especially your friends. Your situation may not be the same as your friend's. You just moved out of your home in January and are just now getting back on your feet. You aren't divorced and you are having to claw your way along w/finances. Now, does that sound like someone who should be dating? No! You need to get your life in order and back on track. You are still very much focused on your h and reacting to his drama. When the ink is dry and you are more stable w/your finances and yes, more settled in your home and rediscover the person you once were, then I would venture forth into the new world and begin thinking about dating. Right now, in my personal opinion, you aren't ready emotionally or mentally.
Letting go takes time and you can't put a time limit on it. It will be a gradual exercise and one day, you'll discover that you have. Right now, there's still so much churning in that butter churn that the butter can't be made in the way of drama. Of course it hurts more when the kids aren't there. Why? Because your focus is actually then on you and you think about it and discuss it w/others. When the children are there, your focus is on them.
Today is Easter, go to church and if you have the opportunity to see the children, do it. If not, find something to do even if it's visiting a nursing home to see the folks there. They would love to have a ray of sunshine grace their presence.
Life isn't waiting...get out there and do something besides sitting in your place having a pity party.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
There is no magic bullet. This is hard stuff. I firmly believe that a well lived life is the best revenge. But......it takes some time, at times you need to force yourself onward. Its part of being a human being.
I say this a lot. Give yourself a break. What I think you find out in this journey that no one will love you as much as you should love yourself. Be kind to self, reflect when you go through those times that are tough.
I am divorced. Its been roughly 4 yrs since bomb day. I think about it less and less as time goes by. I think your body and mind heal themselves at their own pace. I can say 4 years down the road now, that life is pretty good. It was a struggle at times and yes I would have preferred to stay married.
So, it does get better, especially if you have the intent to make it so. It does take some action on your part.I think your further along then what you give yourself credit for. again, be kind to yourself. its ok to feel sad. I would say at the two year point I was similiar to you. I think most if they were being honest would say the same. Its a difficult process moving on from a lenghly relationship you were really invested in.
Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself today. Knee deep in emotion. I didn't go to church because I feel horrible and I can't expose anyone in a nursing home to whatever bug I have.
So the kid's came by this morning for about an hour. So they foundtheir baskets right away and I wanted to enjoy the kid's but H wanted to talk. Again.
So H asked me how I thought things went Friday. I deferred to ask him how he thought things went. He said he is tired if dealing with my attorney and will do this "used car salesman" stuff no more. I asked H what that meant. He said he is demanding we go to financial mediation. I said that was pointless and I wasn't paying for it. He said the courts would order it. He said my attorney was wasting my money. He showed me paperwork that the courts have quashed the subpoena and he also said the contempt charges were a waste of time. He said if I do not agree to financial mediation he would push this to trial.
H also showed me a email correspondence between him and his ex-attorney where she inferred that my attorney must think that I am an absolute idiot and am incapable of having a conversation with H. Apparently this attorney is the one who told H that he could take the full amount of maintenance and divide it by 3 which my attorney said was ridiculous.
So my optimism has turned sour. I don't even know what to think. Now H's ex-attorney is encouraging him on. I don't know what to do!!
I emailed my attorney. Of course H always pulls this crap on the weekend. It's all drama making but I'm sick of it.
So I get the kid's back on Friday. The kid's were sad to go back to their dad's. Of course OW was there with kid's in tow. Big happy family.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm sorry you aren't feeling well today...but...why do you continue to have conversations about the settlement w/your h? These subjects should be directed to your lawyer and not to you. If your h had a lawyer, that person would be negotiating w/your lawyer. As for him being in contact w/his former lawyer...trust me...he's paying for the guidance, just as you are.
Trust your lawyer because he knows what he's doing. Your h is trying to sway you over to his way of thinking by pulling out that conversation again today. Time for him to get off the soap box and stop the used car saleman stuff. Oh, yes, he's still doing it even today. He's not going to stop planting the seed in your brain that your lawyer is pulling the wool over your eyes until you finally agree w/him.
If it goes to trial, so be it. It might be the best thing to happen because then he will finally stop w/all of the bait and switch bs he loves to pull on you. He's no friend of yours because if he were, he would be working w/you to end this mess here and now.
Learn to cut the conversation short and advise him to contact your lawyer to discuss the situation. Time to set your boundaries and not allow this man to ruin each and every holiday and time you have w/your children.
Again, he's planting seeds in your mind to make you anxious and nervous about what may or may not transpire. He really is very good at being a salesman. What a con artist! Just remember, he's not looking out for your best interests...but he is looking out for himself and himself only.
Stop listening to him! He's not a friend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't post too much anymore, but I do check in on you from time to time.
Compared to the length of time you had with your h, two years is a short amount of time to not hurt anymore. I think there can be a double whammy when there's kids involved... There's our hurt from the m ending, then their hurt from the family unit breaking apart, hurting us even more. It's a lot to deal with.
He may be different now, but you once loved him. It's okay to mourn that man, that relationship.
I hope your day gets better. Maybe plan something special to do with the kids when you get them back.
Thinking of you today
And PS... The only used car salesman I smell is your h
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
WH, Don't ever assume that his lawyer has had a discussion w/him about you being an idiot. It just might be that his lawyer thinks that he is the idiot and is enjoying getting money out of him for being a reference to him. Trust me when I say this....lawyers know when they have the "big fish" and will get lots of money from them. They know when the "big fish" is having crisis because of the way their behavior. His on again/off again lawyer is enjoying sticking to him.
He doesn't like your lawyer because he's not backing down to your h's idle threats. WH, it just might be to your advantage to call his bluff and take it to trial. If he finds that you are more than willing to do this, he just might back down. You have to remember that he's playing the bully on the playground right now and the only way to get what he wants is to make threats. If he can't get what he wants one way, he's going to try another. Your attorney knows how to make the playing field even and I don't think your lawyer is going to allow your h to bully him any more than necessary. I certainly wouldn't want to go up against your lawyer.
Bottom line...don't believe on word he tells you about what his lawyer has said about you or your lawyer. Your h is the idiot here.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am sorry that H is still playing games with you. Don't believe what he said that his lawyer said, it is most likely a lie. In due time your H will get what he has reaped. I just hope when it happens to my H - I am there to see it. I am not the only one he has lied to - he has lied to some pretty heavy guns people. I am not sure how long he can get away with that.
Don't worry if you have a bad moment or day. Allow yourself it, it is part of healing. The reality is if your m had not gone like this you still would feel like crap today because you are sick. Think of it that way. Don't let your ex own your day.
Good luck with H the Maroon. Post often. We are all here for you!
H just waves this email printout in my face and the papers from the court that my attorney's subpoena has been quashed. He is just such a pompous jerk.
I know H is just trying to get my goat again. My lawyer has him in a corner and he doesn't like it. So he resorts to threats. But I'm sick of threats. I just want it done. I was so hoping we were getting close. I'm more upset to think we have gone backwards in negotiations.
I am so angry I could scream!!!
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
