Wife is Continuing Affair- When do I start LRT

[Devaste]

I'm really only putting this out here to prevent myself from doing it, as I know you can't reason with a WAS, but I'm fighting the urge to have a very controlling judgemental discussion with my W

I'm tempted to explain how the OM wants nothing really to do with her, is using her for sex, and that she will regret what she has done and is doing. Her cost for all this will be so high, her family, kids.

But of course, instead of having this discussion I wrote it here, to prevent it from even being an option. Sometimes it makes so much sense when it pops in your head, but I know reasoning will not work. Instead, I'm off to coach my son's baseball team.

Much better choice

Dev

[Train]

You, my man, are smart, smart, smart.

And, again, I'll say:

ACTIONS!!!!

Words will only leave you feeling stupid. And broken. And like a failure.

You already know better.

But I'm gonna be that voice in your head that kicks in right now:

Less talk, more actions.

You already know, which is why you posted here. Good for you. You've come a long way! Steady, now.

[Devaste]

Thanks Train.

Always nice to have support and agreement on some of these difficult decisions. Actions speak much louder than words for sure

Cheers

Dev

[Train]

Believe it!!!!

[Devaste]

Wow,

So I just got hit with a dose of reality. Yesterday was my S3's BD and today we went to the mall to get a present from the Lego store. Walking past the Apple store, I thought I saw the OM sitting outside, but I didn't really think about it. I assumed my WAW was away.

On the way back from the Lego store, we went into the Apple store to look at a laptop for myself, and sure enough, my S8 said "Hey, there's mommy"

She was shocked, and so was I. I was even more shocked when she asked if I wanted an introduction. I politely declined. In fact, it took a lot for me to resist physically hitting him, which I know would do no good, and verbally accosting him. He slinked away into the background. I'm glad he realizes I'm a real person, and the family he is screwing with is real as well, but it doesn't change things.

My WAW apologized, and walked the kids out of the store and back into the mall. It just cements for me the reality of the situation. My WAW has moved on and left. I just can't believe she had the balls to start showing up in public places with him.

I have to realize that I need to move on, even though I am DB and doing LRT. She is not the W I married as so many wise vets have pointed out.

Onwards and upwards, continue moving forward with detachment and maintain my boundaries. Not fun to have that in front of my eyes.

Any thoughts on how I handled that situation?

I'm off to do an Easter egg hunt with my kids, what truly matters

Cheers

Devaste

[MrBond]

You handled it with strength. You shouldn't ever have to feel embarrassed or avoid going somewhere because your W and her OM are there. You did very well my friend. Enjoy Easter with the kids.

[Devaste]

Thanks Mr. B,

The more I think about it, the better I feel about how it went. Short term gains with verbal accosting would have just led to long term pain. Thanks for the support. Happy Easter to you as well

[Devaste]

So I've had a great few days with my kids, and my W is now coming to get them in the AM. She will be taking them away for the night. I'm pretty nervous about it as I'm worried about them with her. This will be the first night in almost four months that they won't be with me, but I trust she will keep them safe. She will be with her sister. For anyone who hasn't followed my stitch, her mental health has been a concern

After the run in with her and the OM at the mall, I'm a bit worried about seeing her again. I plan to make no mention of it. Act like it didn't occur, and let her get the kids ready and get on with my day. Big day planned with a lot of GAL

I plan to call the kids tomorrow night to say goodnight, as I always do. I'm a bit worried that will be a problem but her sister and I get along fine.

Still in shock over seeing her on the weekend like that. Id like to think it affected her as well, but it doesn't really matter. Have to keep telling myself, what she thinks, feels etc doesn't matter at this time. And don't mind read.....

Hopefully all goes well, and sadly, looks like I need to make another thread, so maybe I can figure out how to do that tomorrow too.

Cheers

Devaste

[Oxford1]

Hi Devaste,

I realized yesterday after spending some time with my wife that I twice had given the I will always be here for you, and noticed in her eyes those tears of he still loves me, but also the you see I have total control over him still look on her face.

It made me realize that I will never ever say that again ever. She also believes that putting up with my extended family for so long she deserves part of my inheritance even if we are divorced!

This is all due very last bit of it for her believing if we divorce and she marries her OM and it fails I will rescue her...AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? It's all my fault!

Don't let yourself fall into that trap...I don't think it's helped me any and it won't help you any.

[sandi2]

Good job at the mall!