She's returning home for in house separation!

[Oxford1]

I am reading DR
I think imam in a bad place because I have also been on Tam And MA and they are making me feel like an idiot becuase I want to be with my wife
And because I enjoy her company

I am not going to read her tests anymore because it hurts
I also will not talk about OM R or us

I am working in changing myself
And I did finish DR

[Oxford1]

let me try that again. You mean she is coming back to the house, and not you. Why would you let her back in without reconciling the M?

A lot of this decision was financial. Also,I in the back of my mind thought it would give me a chance to restart DB.

To be that man she would not want to leave, to hope her relationship fizzles or ends...

If you read my original thread ( sorry the story is long) you will see what happened.

My wife left me for,her tour guide

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Oxford,

My wife wanted to do the same thing as yours and return home for financial reasons. I thought long and hard about it and decided that she would not get to understand the real financial issues that are part of her choice if I allowed it. So I said no and she said I was being selfish and not thinking about the kids. I have actually begun pulling back more and not picking up expenses totally, but instead demanding that she pay 50% where the kids are involved. Right now she is getting angry and such because she is not getting her way. Either she will wake up or not, but at least I am setting boundaries.

You need to consider whether you can set financial boundaries if she return or don't allow it.

[Oxford1]

Hi Oxford,

My wife wanted to do the same thing as yours and return home for financial reasons. I thought long and hard about it and decided that she would not get to understand the real financial issues that are part of her choice if I allowed it. So I said no and she said I was being selfish and not thinking about the kids. I have actually begun pulling back more and not picking up expenses totally, but instead demanding that she pay 50% where the kids are involved. Right now she is getting angry and such because she is not getting her way. Either she will wake up or not, but at least I am setting boundaries.

You need to consider whether you can set financial boundaries if she return or don't allow it.

Our situation is different she makes a good living. It's debt, college costs, another about to go to college. It's having to pay down debt.

The hard part is we planned on living as friendly neighbors, but she's not letting me do that. I think she's still unsure about OM.

I have resolved myself that her plan is to eventually get divorced. Marry this guy, live in the USA and Israel, kind of back and fourth. It's a ll a little girl fantasy.

Her OM is a needy guy who I know is going nuts she's home. He made her promise to not have sex with me.

This is hard. I should not have allowed this weekend to violate all the boundaries we both set.

I am afraid I am Entering " The Friend Zone"

I think I will set up another session with my DB coach. I was waiting to see what happened once she came back.

I am so lost right now...

It's like I am living with my sister not my wife..

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Oxford,

More alike than you think. My wife makes a good living. We have one child finishing freshman year in college and another about to start.It is always about debt.What I am having to learn is my wife has to make her own mistakes and get herself out of them. I am learning how to handle my own debt and keep my head above water. I am also having to figure out how to get the kids through college and hopefully be able to help them pay the debt down after. My wife is still running away from it and hoping I will bail her out. If I do she won't learn and maybe appreciate what she had.

[scooby]

Oxford

Sorry you are part of the club no one wants to join, and everyone wants to leave. My h has not left, but is threatening divorce. We are basically roommates. He is in spare room. There are no displays of affection. I am trying to be his friend BC eventually ow will start to nag ( he does not admit to ow they are just friends..ugh). So being your w friend is good. In the meantime detach from her r with on. Work in gal without her. Set some nee boundaries. Boundaries is where I am lacking. I am such a wimp, and he does what he wants. Ugh!! Be strong like you were when she lived elsewhere. You can do it.

[Oxford1]

Oxford

Sorry you are part of the club no one wants to join, and everyone wants to leave. My h has not left, but is threatening divorce. We are basically roommates. He is in spare room. There are no displays of affection. I am trying to be his friend BC eventually ow will start to nag ( he does not admit to ow they are just friends..ugh). So being your w friend is good. In the meantime detach from her r with on. Work in gal without her. Set some nee boundaries. Boundaries is where I am lacking. I am such a wimp, and he does what he wants. Ugh!! Be strong like you were when she lived elsewhere. You can do it.

Thanks I have to leave some of the other boards they are attacking my wife as a slut and calling me all sorts of terrible names because of the way I with her. Even the mcounslers say to stay in touch love her but be a little distant.

Why do those other boards tell me to throw her out tear her with no respect

I did awful things from what I see now. I did not see it as abuse but I made her not want to now that I fear I loosing her now that we are like friends I see how wrong I was how absolutely sweet and wonderful she is . I such am a$$hole

[Oxford1]

Sorry for all the spelling errors
I was at the gym and writing on my iPhone

"SPELL CHECK IS MY WORST ENEMA"

[Oxford1]

While I don't think the calling your wife a slut is appropriate on the other boards, doing what you are doing is not painting you in the best light either . You are not a girlfriend. You are her husband nd she is cheating on you . She is open about it and shoving it in your face and expecting you to fill the void her OM left. That is not a way to maintains self respect and boundairies.

Being her best girlfriend and letting her cake eat is not going to get you closer to your goal

What do you suggest I try?
I a, trying to stick to one plan if that fails try another...I know I have time...

[Oxford1]

Ok, so since the status of my situation has changed and I am over 100 replies on my thread I started this one:

She's back home but still in love with OM