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"How do I detach when she lives in my house, eats in my kitchen wants to hang out,like where the best of friends..."

By choosing not to.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Oxford1 Offline OP
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We just left a meeting with our financial planner.

We were discussing things in the parking lot a bit.

She started crying and of course it leads me right into relationship talk.

We decided to go to dinner since we were starving.

How do I detach and not make her cry

She even said her people are telling her to do what you are all telling me.

The difference is her OM and his friends want her to go with him and your all supporting me getting my wife back!

This has to all be a really really bad dream!


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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"She started crying and of course it leads me right into relationship talk."

It didn't need to. YOU have control over that.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Posts: 505
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Oxford1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: MrBond
"She started crying and of course it leads me right into relationship talk."

It didn't need to. YOU have control over that.


Hi Mr.Bond

It's very strange she acts like I am her husband in every way. I had to get some more of my things from what was the master bedroom and while she's talking to me, I had to stop her from undressing. I know it was from habit but she was doing it.

I know I am supposed to detAch because in the same breath she's realizing she has a bottle of cheap men's cologne that her OM forgot.

Then she says she likes the colognes I wear much better.

Me also texts her ten times in two seconds checking on her...
She gets frustrated but if course responds,


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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Why are you tolerating her keep rubbing her affair in your face?! Some of the info you've said she shares with you must hurt so badly and seems so disrespectful towards you? Do you really want to listen to it?!


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

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Oxford1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Upwards
Why are you tolerating her keep rubbing her affair in your face?! Some of the info you've said she shares with you must hurt so badly and seems so disrespectful towards you? Do you really want to listen to it?!


I asked her to please stop talking about him or mentioning anything they did together.

She apologized and said she will stop. She does want to spend time with me, go to dinner the gym etc.

As long as it's about us or our son and no OM no relationship talk, is it doable.

I am still reading DR. I am reading that at the same time as Boundaries so,I am only about half done.

There is still a chance of me winning her back. I see that she one argument one idiot move by her OM and she will end it.but who knows The truth only she does.

I am trying so hard to become the man she would never want to leave, I just wonder if thirty-two years of baggage is just to to much...


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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I desperately need advice here.
We spent the entire day so far together

We went for a walk and somehow got into relationship talking which led to is talking about me VS om

I have to focus on not bringing him up.
I ended up saying some stuff that she probably filed away in her brain
I have to realize that she could repeat this stuff to him when they talk.

I know she's texting him and he's Sexting her
I also know that he is going nuts that she's home

Can you believe he made her promise him that she would not have sexual with me?!
I am her husband! I think it's because she has mentioned he [censored] in bed!

I realize that when we are together he can't come up.
But I don't think she is really in love with him! I thinks he's her dad uh
She does say thigh he immature and a dope!

I know we had some abuse but I don't see her leaving me just for this

I really am In love with her just spending time with her we have such a bond but she's still feeling like she's eventually going I marry this guy!


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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Oxford1 Offline OP
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Do I turn the clock back and act like Michelle recommends in the videos where you ignore the affair.

I mean she loved with the guy for ten weeks he's the only other manages slept with

She says she loves me

I don't know what to do


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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I seriously feel like i'm banging my head against a brick wall here, i'm absolutely not an expert on DB but I can clearly see that you've been given some fantastic advice from a wide range of people and you seem to be ignoring every single one of them.

You keep acknowledging that you need to stop focusing on your W and OM yet 98% of your posts are about W/OM!! To me this seems like a competition to you, you dont want OM to win the "prize" so you'll do anything it takes to stop that.

Originally Posted By: Oxford1
I asked her to please stop talking about him or mentioning anything they did together.
She apologized and said she will stop.

Its all well & good you asking HER to stop but it seems YOUR the one also bringing up the conversations about OM!!

Originally Posted By: Oxford1
We went for a walk and somehow got into relationship talking which led to is talking about me VS om

Because YOU directed the conversation that way!!

Quote:
I am still reading DR. I am reading that at the same time as Boundaries so,I am only about half done.

I read DB within a day and several times since, I was so desperate to find a way forwards, I cant understand how you haven't found time for this yet?!

Quote:
I think it's because she has mentioned he [censored] in bed!

She told you she'd said this?

Quote:
But I don't think she is really in love with him!

She might be, she might not be - that doesnt matter right now! Fact is she's choosing to be in a R with HIM, I know this hurts like hell but you need to ACCEPT this before you can move forwards.

Quote:
I know we had some abuse but I don't see her leaving me just for this

What abuse?


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
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Boy oh boy, Oxford. I am trying to stay compassionate because I can tell you are hurting. But I'll be blunt-- I don't think anything about your situation will change, and I don't think you will feel any peace, until you take a deep breath, put on your big boy pants, and use at least some of the great advice you have been given here.

You keep asking the same question- "you don't know what to do!" Yet you've been advised several times about just that. What is it about our advice are you having trouble understanding? You don't seem to be a very good listener.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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